Letter to a friend.

Hi friend, 

It's been a long time since we had a heart to heart conversation. Sometimes, mental health issues can make you feel like you're a bad person. There are times when I forget to check-in before venting or don't listen when I should. You may not know this but I feel more hurt by my own actions than you do. I always feel like reaching out, asking how you've been, know about your life but somehow survival is a difficult task and I get trapped in my own thoughts like a caged bird. Some days I wish I could tell you how much I love and respect you. If only I could tell you I just try to protect you from me. From the versions of me I dislike. I know you'd never hate me if I tell you but I'm afraid of becoming one of those people who have hurt me in the past. I don't want to be them. I don't want to ghost you but I don't want you to know how broken I'm on the inside and for how long I've been here. How much of myself I've given, to be in a place where I've nothing left for myself. You've already been through so much and I'm scared of being just another person who hurts you. Perhaps, you'd never know how much I love you and what you mean to me. I'd never be able show it the way I feel it but I'm hoping that my love reaches you in the all the beautiful ways. I hope you find people who love you and that way I'd think that love includes some of my love, too. I hope you get the best of everything. I wish the beautiful sunshine fills your life with hopes and I'd think I'm there with you, somewhere, in those rays of light. When you hear the songs of a little bird in the morning, I wish the songs include the songs I had written for you but never showed you. I don't know if you'd ever get to know this love is from me or not, but I wish to be forgotten too. That sounds a little pessimistic but.. you know. Fill this up yourself hehe. 

I hope you remain my best friend in my next birth too<3 

Please take care of yourself. You matter more than you know. And I can't stop crying when I think of you and your kindness. Thank you for helping me remain alive.

Love,

Bye. 🦋