Just one entry

I dont really know where to write, what to write.

I used to.

Don't feel like i should be writing at my original thread, blog, phone, mind, whatever.

But I will still keep a copy in my phone.

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I feel totally trapped. Not wanting to wake up.

Everything's so hard.

Balancing everything.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

I know, life is a journey.

Everything, Everyday, whatever is a experience. A brand new one it is.

But I can't accept it.

I can't face it.

I am exhausted.

Trying to figure out, trying to fix, trying to ask, trying to seek.

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I already lost so many things.

I don't really mind losing them. Since I have lost so many.

I even lost myself, I never want to exist anymore.

But its such a struggle to not want to exist.

Because the mind kept playing internal pros and cons warfare game.

This is just pure torment.

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I hurt so many people.

It is tough to see them in pain.

I kept so long within myself not letting go, being afraid of hurting others.

But never I knew that actually, how much it meant to others.

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What about myself.

Should I really help myself, or should I continue to hurt/damage myself further.

It is already in a battered state.

Might as well right?

I know, never stop trying, but its just difficult.

It is already so tiring to keep up.

I duno.

Honest. I don't.

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Forget it, I'm tired.