Just one entry
I dont really know where to write, what to write.
I used to.
Don't feel like i should be writing at my original thread, blog, phone, mind, whatever.
But I will still keep a copy in my phone.
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I feel totally trapped. Not wanting to wake up.
Everything's so hard.
Balancing everything.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
I know, life is a journey.
Everything, Everyday, whatever is a experience. A brand new one it is.
But I can't accept it.
I can't face it.
I am exhausted.
Trying to figure out, trying to fix, trying to ask, trying to seek.
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I already lost so many things.
I don't really mind losing them. Since I have lost so many.
I even lost myself, I never want to exist anymore.
But its such a struggle to not want to exist.
Because the mind kept playing internal pros and cons warfare game.
This is just pure torment.
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I hurt so many people.
It is tough to see them in pain.
I kept so long within myself not letting go, being afraid of hurting others.
But never I knew that actually, how much it meant to others.
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What about myself.
Should I really help myself, or should I continue to hurt/damage myself further.
It is already in a battered state.
Might as well right?
I know, never stop trying, but its just difficult.
It is already so tiring to keep up.
I duno.
Honest. I don't.
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Forget it, I'm tired.
Sorry. Been floating around, unable to think things clearly.
I don't really know what is going on anymore.
Everyday now seems to the same.
Continously self-hurting till no meaning anymore.
I wonder how will I be able to break through.
No matter how hard I try, it is just so difficult.
Nevermind, my mind is totally blank now.
Perhaps I'm just exhausted, too exhausted from this life.
Maybe its over. (Note : I'm not asking for consolation, just blurting out the noise in my head.)