I can make it!
6/03/2022
I am happy I can write my own diary here. I used to have a notebook with a padlock on it (It was a teen thing, very popular before), but my sister got a hold of it and teased me so badly I think I got trauma in ever having a notebook diary. But here, I think I feel completely safe. First, maybe because of the fact that no one really knows me here. And I do think no one's gonna tease me here. Even if they do, they won't know it's me. So, it's completely safe. I tend to actually overthink, like what if they track my IP address? LOL! I'd be too far away for them to reach me. Second, writing on the keyboard is actually faster and easier than writing on the notebook. It's like my writing can keep up with my thoughts. Great. Third, maybe, just maybe, I can also be of help to someone. Because you know, when you know that you are not alone in your struggles, it makes you feel relieved. Like, I'm not the only one carrying this burden. Them too. So I also gotta do my best. Fourth, writing relieves my anxiousness. I get anxious from time to time without people sorrounding me actually knowing - except my mom - because I don't show them. I don't need to. And I think they won't care a bit. Because I can feel that they only want to think of me as someone who can do all things alone, or someone who doesn't need anybody. Which makes me think that they don't really genuinely care about me. If they did, they'd ask me "How are you?". But not in a million years. 😔 Sounds sad right? But I learned to cope up with it. It's also because mom is there. Though we are like 2 hours away from each other, her heart is like, just beside me. She can sense when I'm uneasy or when I need help. More than telepathy, huh? Well, that's a mother's heart, and that's one of the things I'm grateful for. Having a mother's love. Though I don't show her often my affection, I love her as deep as the sea. As high as the skies. As endless as the times. She's the best mom in the whole wide world. OK, so dear diary, I gotta study. I'll write to you later, alright? Bye now. Muwah! 😘