Hey again

@Iamspoons

My fren made me a future me letter so in 10 years I'll get a gift from herrrrrrrr

Also bad ovaries

@Jefferythebunny319

My dad made breakfast and I feel bad because I need to sit on the couch with a heating pad, or else I feel like I might throw up.

Ohh they made us do future me letters before school ended and said they'll give them to us senior year. It's really cool getting to do that. I wrote mine in code so I'll have to keep that up if I want to be able to read it.

@Iamspoons

Lmao

I chugged my coffee so I need to pee again

And I'm reading this book and I've already read it and the characters have sex every like 5 minutes and I hate it because they aren't even hot. They are annoyingggggggggggggg. Like it's so gross

But the other characters are hot together but it's so sad

@Jefferythebunny319

Omg I read a book that was kinda like that. There are three main characters and it switches povs and they're all in a mental hospital, cus they all failed to commit yk, and there should be lots of good relatible moments, but all they seem to be able to think about is sex. I tried to read it again put I stopped after the third mention of sex in a chapter.

@Jefferythebunny319@Princetomyanxiety@SneakySnakeBoi

I'm watching a car race with my dad and some very scary crashes have happened, like there's been 4 crashes.

I'll give more info later

@Jefferythebunny319

So it was two races one happened yesterday and the other this morning and we were watching them on YouTub and there were quite a lot of crashes. There were two one car crashes in like the beginning of the first race, and a four car crash at the end of the first race that left two cars damaged enough that they couldn't race today. And in today's race the was a seven car crash, right in the first lap, and one of the car's tires came off and then got run over by the same car, launching it into the air. It was pretty crazy. I'm not usually a racing fan but these happened on a track that we could visit, the Watkins Glen track up in the NY finger lakes.

Also the meds kicked in and now I can function like a normal human being, allbeit a little shaky.

@Iamspoons

I have too much time to think In the car and I'm about to cry

Not reading the car crash thing because I'm in the car and I don't need the paranoia sorry

My bf is leaving and I'm really sad so I'm like reading and my all time favorite book charecter is gonna self sacrifice because I've read thus already and my and my bfs song came on and I'm crampy and i haven't slept in ages and like I wanna cry

@Jefferythebunny319

Oh nuuu, don't cry. Come have a playdate with in SR.

I'm so sorry, I forgot the trigger warning.

Where's he going? Characters dieing and you knowing it's going to happen is the worst, you just want to protect them.

You're on your . ? That means we're cycle buddies again. I hope you stop cramping, and that you get to sleep soon.

@Iamspoons

Can't I'm in the car

And I'm not on mine yet

I don't know if I'm gonna get it I miss lots of cycles or they are really late

Benefits of not eating

And I'm gonna cry harder because I'm hyped up on caffeine and sugar and I haven't moved and I'm 4 hours til homeeeeeeeeee

Mom threw food at me cutesy and got chip grease on my favorite shirt

Sister is playing emoji cane

Charecter Sacrifices himself to autistic God and his child burns him up because he knows he's just a monster and I relate to him on too many levels. His mom sucked he was just like her..............

*self sacrifice*

@Jefferythebunny319

Oh, I didn't know not eating could mess up your cycles, but it makes sense, it messes up homeostasis.

You're going to get home at like 7, how long has you been in the car already?

What is emoji cane?

What book series is this, I kinda want to read it.

My dad said I got up at like 10, and I took painkillers like right after I got up, so I can take my next dose at 4 but I'm going to wait till 430 cuz I don't want to accidentally TW od on acetaminophen.

1. I left at 8, lots of traffic

2. Prolonged starvation can cause hair loss, cycle messes (so I'm like incredibly heavy and so irregular), and bendy nails.. all of which I have

3. Emoji game like guess the emoji

4. Gone by micheal grant

5. Don't od

@Jefferythebunny319

B R O C C I L I E I E IEIEIEIE

I'm listening to dog train by Sandra Boynton, it's a bunch of hilarious songs.

1. That's a long time to be in a car, I've never been stuck in a car more than like four hours. 2. That's no good. 3. Oh ok that's kinda what I thought. 4. Ok I looked that up when you mentioned it, when we were talking about fandoms. 5. I really don't want to, that was really scary that one time I thought I had TW I did make myself throw it up, it was really hard tho, had to repeatedly gag myself.

@Iamspoons

Favorite charecter died. I also forget all the other death and pain because being the weirdo I am I don't connect with characters in books or TV really

But like I'm so close to my breaking point

And tomorrow I'm gonna fake feeling a little ill so Monday and Tuesday I can just lay in bed all day. I'll be sick just mentally sick

@Jefferythebunny319

Let me be your personal penguin.

Sorry, I'm a bit disconnected rn.

@Iamspoons

All good I'm trying not to throw up

Oh yeah throwing up in the car is disgusting, I did that not long ago, maybe three weeks ago. Mints help, box breathing might help (that's breath in for 4, hold for 4, breath out for 4, hold for 4, then repeat)

@Jefferythebunny319

https://open.spotify.com/track/7peTbe9LzGgaoNLhWwT6tq?si=FEblfGKnSiSLhfHxdlpyCw

Personal penguin.

From blue moo

By the same person who wrote Philadelphia Chickens.

@SneakySnakeBoi

@Jefferythebunny319

Hi the penguin thing is a song. I got snapped out of my momentary disconnect by the door opening and me thinking I had to give my dad his cup of water cuz he's mowing the yard.

It's thundering, I like thunder.

I was cleaning my room, now I'm sitting with the heating pad on my lap. While I was cleaning, I'm like deep cleaning so dad can paint my room while we're at camp, I found the book series I got really interested in and then hid because they got triggering idk how tho. I've tried recommending them to my teachers and (oh *** the power just went out, it came back on but we're going to have to reset the clocks. Anyways) I always say I love this book series but I had to stop part way through, and I trail off and they ask why and I make up some bs cus I don't want to say it became a trigger for me, cus it definitely won't be triggering for others and even I don't know why it's triggering for me. It might be cus I got way into it while I was having super not okay thoughts. The first book is called "the lies of Locke Lamora" and there's three books. I got most way through the second book, there's a lot of good world building, it's fantasy/sci-fi and it's a bunch of heists (robbery but classy (I couldn't remember how it was spelled, then I figured it out, but I want to leave this in there) ) and a couple of deaths, just to warn you.

Umm I also found the book I was talking about earlier the one where they should have more stuff on their minds but all they think about is sex, that one's called impulse, and it's highly triggering, I don't really recommend reading it unless you're in a super safe state of mind.

Umm yeah, by my reckoning you should be home in about an hour.

Holy *** my brother just came back from playing with his friend, and he unlocked the door even though he didn't need to unlock the door, we have a number pad and it makes loud shrill noise when you press each button, and he scared the *** out of me. I was not expecting it.

@iamspoons

It's been almost 12 hours I can't

I need to move my foot hurts I need like jeffy

@Jefferythebunny319

I'm not doing so good, mom is upset at dad but they aren't yelling yet which is good. But mom said she needs us to go out of the house because she's sick of us, so I'm so I'm sitting here trying not to cry, but I'm shaking, and thinking about the time where she told me that I'm a hard kid to raise and that they almost sent me to the children's home because I bit my brother when I was five. As I'm typing this out, I'm thinking this might be a form of abuse, and it's completely not her fault, but it is my fault. Mom has said that she gets mad at dad more often and sometimes dad gets mad back and I think they might be better apart, I know people sometimes fight but they're fighting more than is healthy. They're yelling now and I've moved into my room so I'm not on the couch in one of the shared spaces if they need to get away from each other and I can't even listen to music cus Spotify is blocked.

We're leaving the house now will try to update in the car

@Iamspoons

I'm so sorry

@Jefferythebunny319

There are some clouds that are pretty close to the ground, not quite fog tho.

Apparently we are going bowling, if there isn't this other thing happening in the mall parking lot.

@Iamspoons

Nice

Just got home I'm in incredible pain and I have ro unload the car then cut the grass I'll see u later tn

@Jefferythebunny319

Ok we are bowling, the shoes are slidder than I remember. They're a little too lose on me but a size smaller would be too tight. Ily/p I hope you feel better, and get some rest. I understand if you can't talk later cuz you passed out the second your head hits the pillow.

I'm avoiding thinking about the family stuff rn, but I will give you more info on the situation tonight

@Iamspoons

Tn I gotta clean out my room

Literally having a mental breakdown rn :/

Ilyt/p

@Jefferythebunny319

Same bestie, I'm just repressing it.

Some of theses people smell like weed.

@Iamspoons

Tw I'm just gonna vent I'll probably use caps

So I get home and I'm upset and frustrated because bf is ignoring me and book charecter died and I come home and my dad didn't water my freaking orchid this plant I've had for a year and it died. It was dormant he said it was dead, water my cactus didn't water my flower and its been a month so it's dead. It was a graduation gift from my mom's best friend who knew I was having a hard time and she said the flower was a reason not to tw cut. And my dad didn't vacuum my floor and there's rabbit fluff everywhere and jeffy feels gross so he's been cleaning his cage but jeffy hasn't gotten exercise in a month and he is old and needs it. And past month me didn't clean before we left so my rooms a mess so I need to do that. My sister is picking a fight with me and I'm trying but my foot hurts and I'm on the verge of tears because hey my bf gets shipped out like 36 hours from now. So I'm trying and she's holding the door open and my one dog gets loose and she's just standing there and I'm screaming and I go to get him and my other dog runs out and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs now and my sisters just standing there and the dogs get in the house and my dogs up my butt so I turned and punched him in the face. I feel so bad and so stupid and I wanna vomit. I'm a horrible person. My mom said today that I don't have sensory issues I'm a normal person as I put my hands on my ears and cower and shake at the alarms.

I'm *** over this

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. *Hugs if ok*

@Jefferythebunny319

I'm sorry I forgot to tag you in the last post

I'm doing ok at bowling the game ended and I had 80 points and my brother had 71, so I won. And I just got a strike

Omg bowling lane bathrooms are just as bad as school bathrooms. There was a girl sitting in the *** sink.

@Jefferythebunny319

@Jefferythebunny319

I'm gonna go to bed now, gn ily/p

Just for the people reading this I have never felt physically unsafe at home. Don't worry about me too much.

@Iamspoons

spoons, we’re almost to when we’re both at camp, so you can rant as much as you want then, and I can give hugs. And also, the reason I haven’t been replying much is because I’ve been in and out of crisis for a few days. Evan has a new girlfriend at school who’s faster and prettier than me and I’m not sure where tf s is, just he’s not here. It’s been…a lot.

@SneakySnakeBoi

I know we're going to be at camp in like two weeks, but that feels like a really *** long time.also it seems like you need the hugs more than I do. Evan's kinda stupid for not realizing how great you are. I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to respond, I didn't realize you were going through so much. I guess we've all been going through a lot, we just deal with it different ways. Just know that I love you so very much/p if you're ok with that.

Sending so many hugs.

@SneakySnakeBoi

*hugs* don't compare yourself to her oki? Maybe she's a butt you never know. And u are like mega gorgeous. Im sorry u felt pressured to reply, love you

Really close to being up 24 hours

going to bed soon

@Jefferythebunny319

Yes it's 5:30, I woke up and can't go back to sleep, but I slept. Sleep is good for you jiffy pop, staying up more than 24 hours is not. Gn I hope you get some good sleep before you have to get up. Ily/p

I think I'm hungry? It might just be cramping tho, cuz after minorly incapacitating me the first day it settles down to a slight warmness in my tummy. And also if it is hungry, it's like 10 of 6, I can wait till breakfast, and/or socially acceptable to be up time. Sometimes I get hungry cus I was up for a while.

@Jefferythebunny319 you better be asleep, or at least trying to.

@Jefferythebunny31good morning

I had oatmeal, like real oatmeal not instant, and it was too strong for me apparently, and I put way too much sugar in it, so I don't have a happy tummy, but it's ok.

I'm sitting in church listening to my mom practice one more time before she plays, which is good, cuz she's kinda messing up. I'm judging the arranger so hard, they made some choices that don't really sound like the original sung song, which is Jesvs loves me if you were wondering. (It's also kinda out of date)

I'm going to fairy fest later, so I get to dress up like a fantasy character and nobody will look at me weird, I might even get to act like a fairy. I might send pictures if I feel cute, probably not tho.

@Iamspoons

finally went to bed at 6:30 alarm didmt go off at 8:30 sister wokeme up at 9:15.I wanna go back to bed but ik I got stuff to do

I have to unpack and clean a bit before at 12 me and friend are gonna watch pride parade