Haven't changed within a year

Those are just thoughts. I know we're still in this pandemic and it's affecting my life quite a lot, everything is still somewhat shut and work is complicated and not really what is used to be. But about a year ago I got the opportunity to work at this island up in the north of my country and it was fun. Same company so nothing too new but still exciting and probably one of the best sunsets I've seen. The light, atmosphere, beaches were amazing. The people were fun, it felt more like vacation than work. Even work was interesting and good. I went there with 3 other people, 2 were friends of mine. Both of them have changed - in a good way, one stayed and is pregnant, the other one is pregnant too - got back with her ex while being on the island. And I'm still here. As the date where we first got the call if we want to go is approaching I feel the burden of the reality that for them, life is so very different but for me it is still the same. I feel like my whole identity is based on going away, moving abroad, right now it's still on ice. I know we're moving forward but still I feel like I haven't changed at all. And I don't even want a family yet or something like that but still it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Also because I'm a year older than them. I already feel too old. I'm turning 24 this summer and it feels like life is already halfway over. People around me are finding happiness- and i'm so incredibly happy for them - but I'm the dark cloud that somehow never changes. I still look the same even. I find it hard to reply to people's messages. So even those friendships are declining, i mean it takes me weeks, maybe a month. But i don't know what to say anymore