Dumbo's journal
I feel guilty that I'm creating so many threads here but this is a general diary thread so diarising I will do.
I rode too and from work today. An hour and a half all up. The exercise helps. Well, helped. I'm now back to feeling sorry for myself.
I look at pictures of my family and I feel guilty for feeling this way. For feeling as though I can't go on. For feeling as though it's not worth it. For feeling as though I'm not good enough because it's all true.
The depression is back again now. It crept towards me in the night. It's long, pale face.. it's darkened hollows for eyes and formless mouth. It crept to me at night and now I'm different. I look out and I see a cloudy day. I don't like being around people but I don't like being around myself.
I find joy in little to nothing. What is there left for me? I just do not know.
Hello again @Dumbo, I met you previously in another thread, nice to see you again, let me formally introduce myself, my name is Emma, I am a listener here on 7cups, and hey, don't feel guilty about using our forums, they are here for all to use, to express ourselves and gain a little support, I'm really glad you are here using them 🙂
You say your depression has returned, this tells me that you have been strong enough before to fight it and your are strong enough again to fight it, but this time you have a slight advantage, you know what to expect, you will have a better understanding on how you need to face this and plough forward to beat it again.
Depression is extremely hard to live with, I can't pretend to know the answers for you, this is something you are going to have to figure out with the help and support from your family or professionals, but just let me say a couple of things here, YOU still get up and go to work, YOU ride you bike to maintain some healthy exercise, mind space and wellbeing, YOU take your daughter out alone, YOU play golf and played well (I read your feed) these are all really good positive steps, this proves that YOU are fighting back, you are not allowing this depression bout to claim your life!
Surround yourself by the people who inspire you, the people who make you feel good about yourself, the people who look up to you, respect you and love you unconditionally, for these are your biggest supporters, the ones who believe in you, even if you don't, the ones who want to you back to your former self, let them help you, let them understand your feelings and don't shut them out.
You are worth it, you are important, your family and daughter love you, you absolutely have everything to fight for, and you are good enough! You are incredible !
Please look after yourself, be easy on yourself, and allow yourself the time to figure things out. I really do hope you find some peace with yourself.
Take care and be strong Emma
(I have enclosed a link for your perusal)
http://www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/499664/How-to-stop-depression
I appreciate your words, I really do, however every day is the same story: bullying, segregation, criticism.. attacked or bullied every day
It's hard to apply balance when that is your lot
@Dumbo
You deserve to be treated better.
So I said that I didn't like creating so many forum threads so I'll continue in this one.
My work stress is continuing. Because of my workload, I'm having to sit in focus areas that are isolated from others. I'm coping with abuse because of it. I work 15 hour days to get reports through to people and when they get them, there's no thank you, only attacks. It makes me feel two inches tall and perhaps I deserve it.
@Dumbo
That can be so hard when you do so much and don't feel appreciated for it. I'm so glad your writing it out here, I hope being able to express yourself is helping somewhat.🌼
Another day and things are a little brighter today.
I didn't sleep very well and woke up in a ball of stress at 4 o'clock in the morning. But the day proved good and I kept my head up a little more today. Things are balancing out at work and I'm trying my best to look after myself.
I played sport tonight and my fitness is oddly strong. My study starts tomorrow so a lot going on. I can do this.
Still working on things but getting there. It's interesting how what you give off to other people tends to come back to you. I think that's what I'm getting at the moment.
Getting there.. slowly
Another day down and it was another good one. I'm trying to focus more on the now at the moment with my anxiety being down a little bit. I reached out and talked to people which helps as well.
One thing that I would like to add into my repertoire is that tomorrow is another day.. start again
The few days have been clearer than what I've had previously. I don't know what's changed. I've changed but I don't know how. Things are a lot better now.
Hey @Dumbo 🙂
Im really pleased to hear things are changing for the better, I hear you are working hard to stay focused in the hear and now, and I am very proud of you for reaching out to speak with people, this has been great move for you, and it sounds like this has helped you immensely. I hope by others reading your journey, will also find the courage to reach out and speak to someone, because this is often one of the hardest things to do.
Thank you for sharing your journey here, i'll look forward to reading more!
Your doing great by the way and I hope your feeling very proud of yourself for staying a float! 🙂 well done, and take care!
It continues to be interesting really. I've tried to isolate myself off at work to get through all of my work. The ironic thing is that people keep on coming up to me now. I don't know what's changed - whether it's body language or if I'm just looking more approachable but every man and their dog is approaching me now. It's odd.
I still get frustrated and emotional. I struggle to bring my emotions back down. I need to work on that.
Nobody is perfect and neither am I. Still much to work on.
@Dumbo--just wondering how you are doing?
