Don't know what the title should be
I am 16 years old struggling with selective mutism. It has made me kind of depressed tbh and I am so glad I found this site where I can vent and feel restored.
@royalicecream
Hi, And welcome to 7 cups. I;m glad you found this site too!
Sorry to hear that you are struggling, sounds like its a tough time for you.
Please feel free to share more abouot what you are going through, sharing it often helps.
Take care
paul
Today wasn't too great. I keep having these thoughts that make me anxious and angry
@royalicecream
Hi. Thanks for replying. Sorry to hear that tiday wasn;t too great.
Just wondering what those thoughts are that make you anxious and angry and if you could tell me more about them?
Take care
paul
It seems as if I can't socialize or can't talk like others, people consider me as a burden and I sometimes feel like no matter how hard it try, I am unable to improve. That makes me anxious and angry
When I woke up today, I was feeling really good. After a few hours, I started feeling lonely as usual. To keep myself busy and to not overthink, I sometimes study or exercise or listen to music. I studied for three hours today and as soon as I stopped reading, my thoughts started bothering me. I was feeling really lonely and I feel like rather than trying to seek somebody's attention by talking to them, it is better to vent.
School is not too great either. The teachers too hate me I guess and I get really irritated at that place. At the moment, I am trying to focus on my upcoming tests rather than wasting my time on other things but after a few minutes, I get distracted and I have no other option left
I had extreme mood swings yesterday. I am always anxious the night before going to school. The anxiety about having to go to school and not being able to perform well was making me angry and I was unable to focus on studying the whole day.
Ironically, during night time, when I beome more anxious, I was able to concentrate well on studying.
Today, school wasn't too bad, I didn't become very anxious today but I got bullied in the last class. This again made me angry as well as somewhat sad.
I have been feeling really lonely since 6 years. People just really want to have fun. As long as you are social, cool, fit (mentally and physically) people would like to be your friend. But as soon as you get depressed or become sad or stop socializing. they will leave you alone. Many people would just ignore. Some would say that it's not a big deal to socialize. Many think that you are rude. Many people take advantage of me. As soon as they health their work done, they wouldn't even bother to say a "hi" And the ones whom I could count as best friend turned out to be the person who makes fun of me. I am really tired of this behavior especially when they mistake your problems shyness or rudeness or the worst as "trying to gain attention". Seriously, who would like to gain attention by acting weird?
@royalicecream
Hi. Good to see that you are posting and able to vent about those things.
I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling lonlely for a while now.
Yeah I dont know if I am right but i think people dont always know how to be around people when they get depressed or become sad or stop socializing. And I suppose it is easy for them to mistake your problems shyness or rudeness or the worst as "trying to gain attention".
I should imagine that can be a hard thing to deal with, especially on of eveything else. I wonder how you cope with that and all those feelings?
I appreciate your last question "Seriously, who would like to gain attention by acting weird?" !!
Take Care
paul
I have no idea why everyone hates me so much. School was not too great as usual. I feel really uncomfortable there. No matter how hard it try, I can't really talk with anyone. It's extremely difficult for me.
I am trying to sing new songs and adding it to my new album list. I guess it helps me to feel less sad and overwhelmed. I set goals everyday and try to study as much as I can. It helps me in distracting too. But as soon as I stop singing or studying, these thoughts again start bothering me. But I am trying everyday. I hope I will be able to push away these thoughts one day 
@royalicecream
Hi. It must be hard if you dont feel comfortable at school and feel you cant really talk to anyone. Is that just fellow pupils, or have you thought of a teacher or counsellor that you would feel comfortable talking to about things?
Hey, music is good. I dont think you are alone in using it to help get over some tough times. And excellent that you can set goals and study. You can be proud of yourself for that!
And when those thoughts dont bother you anymore and are gone, I wonder what good thoughts you wil have? What thoughts would be useful for you to have? And how good will that feel?
Hope you are finding this useful.
Take care
paul
@calmPaul281
Hi. Actually, I saw a therapist, only to leave it after 3 days because I didn't find it helpful and they weren't patient. They would tell me to talk with someone whom I am comfortable talking with as it would help me And that's what I am struggling with. So after three sessions, I left it.
If these thoughts stop bothering me, I would like to spend more of my time on basketball and playing musical instruments. I would like to become more human like than those greedy people who just like to earn money in the name of therapy and don't really help much, to be honest. There are really amazing things to do and explore if wrong think about it. But these thoughts won't go away too easily.
There is this girl, I have a huge crush on and I like her a lot, but she has no idea about it. I wish just I was at least able to speak in front of her
