royalicecream Member Profile

...See more I have selective mutism since I was 11. Before that, I could speak at school but at that time also, I was an introvert. Everybody thinks that I am rude/too shy/ mean/ have an attitude or stubborn to speak. They have been bullying me since then. Whenever teachers asked something, it made me freeze. In seventh grade, a teacher at school took advantage of the fact that I couldn't speak at school, but he didn't know that I can communicate quite perfectly at home and with those with whom I feel comfortable with. He abused me sexually and I found it really difficult to tell someone about it. When I was in eighth grade, I had anger issues, suicidal thoughts and difficulty concentrating, so I saw a therapist, but left it after a few sessions because she touched my hand once and it brought back the memories of the abuse. When someone touches me, even if it's a safe touch, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Once, I joined school three months later and I had to complete a lot of work. One of teachers gave me a whole lesson to complete and prepare in just two days and as I already had difficulty concentrating on things since the year I was abused, I was unable to complete my entire work of that particular subject in just 2 days. Also, I had other subjects to study too. He used to give me a death stare and say things like "why don't you quit studying", " Studying is not your thing, kid" And many other things. Even if I managed to complete the work sometimes, most of the time, I made many mistakes and when I used to complete the work without any mistake, he used to doubt and say "I can't bear any copying in my class! ", " I don't think you have done this work yourself ", " I would beat you up if you continue to annoy me". Since then, I am afraid of any teachers and my academic has been suffering and my grades have been falling. I feel anxious at the thought of going school. I feel like by getting bad grades, I'm disappointing my parents and teachers. I hope it will end soon.

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