Dear God
Every morning after I wake up and every night before I sleep, I start and end my day with the Lord's Prayer, so I want to start by saying it too here:
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And do not bring us to the time of trial but rescue us from the evil one.
For the kingdom and the power and the glory are yours forever. Amen.
~~~~~~~
PS: For those of you who read this, please forgive my broken English since I'm not a native English speaker. Thanks for reading :)
@UndomesticGoddess
hi there ! its okay if you dont wanna journal ! you can talk to a listener here or better a therapist if you can afford one,
its great that you believe in prayer ! keep posting to this thread and keep us updated !
love
Sara
Thank you for upvoting and commenting on my first post. I never thought that someone would actually comment on it, and it feels nice to have someone interacting with me here 😁
At the beginning of my time here, I used to talk regularly with five long-term male listeners, and because of them, I stopped going to the psychiatrist and consuming sleeping pills and anxiety/depression pills. Now I have two amazing best listener friends, one imperfectly perfect little brother, one super wise long-term male listener, and one awesome female listener here, and I am so grateful to have them in my life 😊
I believe in God, I believe in prayer, I believe in miracles. I believe in kindness, I believe in honesty, and I believe in good intention. And I will keep writing -thank you so much for the encouragement 🤗
By the way, how is your pregnancy? I've read in your profile that you have two boys, and you already know the gender of your twin baby to come. That's amazing! I've always wanted a twin, so I sincerely always feel happy whenever someone is going to have or having a twin 🥳 I wish you a safe pregnancy and easy labor too!
Have a blessed weekend, Sara, stay safe, healthy, and haaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy 🥰
In faith, hope & love,
~ UG ~
@UndomesticGoddess
oh my god ! thankyou! well i am glad to be the first one ! the pregnancy is going great ! i a having one of each! its ice to have interests in twins i had too! feel free to pm me!
love
Sara
Hi @UndomesticGoddess , sometime I just cry to God, sometimes when I speak to him it isnt pretty, sometimes I yell or even get angry. Its hard, at times it feels like he's not lissining but he is. For years I thought he forgot about me or he put me on some sort of voicemail and forgot to lission. He didn't, he was putting me though the fire to be refined. When you think of the things you want to say to God say it then and there, even if its in your head or not formal, God knows your heart he wont judge you for coming to him when you are broken or even whole.
I understand what you mean and know exactly how it feels when we just can't feel God. A dear friend of mine here gave me this article today on faithgateway.com and in that article, CS Lewis said, "Every believer has times in which they feel as though God is distant. Or absent altogether." But as we walk by faith and not by sight, we learn that He is always there as He is faithful and can't deny Himself. After all, He is our Immanuel; the God who is with us. I'm smiling when I read that you know He was putting you through the fire to be refined, just like gold. I'm sure you have a heart made of gold too! 😍
Romans 8:26 (NIV) said, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." So, I think it's normal sometimes for us to not be able to say a word to God. It's not that I'm afraid He will judge me, not at all, but because there are times when the dryness in me feels so strong or the pain feels so heavy that I can't even speak a word, but I know He knows my heart and even every word that I cannot say because it is written in Psalm 38:9, "Lord, all my desire is before You; And my sighing is not hidden from You."
By the way, what's RM stand for? 🧐
Thanks for interacting with me here, RM, stay safe, healthy, and happy! Have a great weekend and God bless you 🤗
In faith, hope & love,
~ UG ~
How can it be?
That You were the One on the cross
Die for me..
Lifted for all our shame.
How can it be?
The scars in Your hands for me
I love You so...
You are the King of all.
Oh, I love You, yes, I do, more than life
Oh, Jesus, I love You so..
Oh, I love You, more than life.
~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Finally, after 3 days of confusion and fear and so many tears, I can smile and laugh again today 😁
You have turned my sorrow into joy; thank You so much, Jesus 🤗
You know that it's so hard for me to come to You when I'm in trouble. I know I still don't have the perfect understanding of God as my Heavenly Father; I don't know how to run to You when I really want to, because I don't have a role model for a father. I have been taking care of myself since I was 12 yo and even though I have experienced miracle after miracle, I still hesitate to come to You because I feel like I have to take care of my problem by myself.
But even when I'm like that, I always believe that Jesus loves me perfectly. I might be alone physically but I know You are always with me. I know when I can't see Your hands, I can always trust Your heart. I know when I don't see two sets of footprints in the sand, You are actually carrying me through my lowest and saddest times.
Thank You for giving me the best of friends in here and my real life: I pray that Blue, Josh, Priscilla, and Florian will always experience the same kindness and care they have given me thru my tough times. Bless them with Your amazing love, God, and let me be the best of friend I can be to them too. In Jesus name, amen 🙏
~ UG ~
This morning after weeks of not doing my daily devotional, I finally did it again, but this time with a friend. I'm not sure if this is what You want, or if You're okay with that, but You know that I need help. This feeling of dryness within me has been going on for so long that I'm scared it will just grow bigger.
I have had this idea to do an online devotional first thing in the morning with someone else for months already. I didn't know how to start, or how to exactly doing it, but I feel like the need to do it is getting stronger every day because I'm clearly in a low place spiritually right now. Yesterday after a Life Group, I decided to discuss it with one of the leaders in my church. It was just a simple question if after 12 weeks of LG with the purpose of Bible Study, is it possible to do online daily devotional, which I don't think so because LG is weekly and daily devotional is daily.
But to my surprise, not just she listened to me, she also offered her support and encouraged me to do it starting today. We feel like this can go big. This can be a place where people like me, who need help getting through spirituality dryness, can find help. Every time I start my day with praying, praise and worship, and reading the Bible, I feel more confident and comfortable throughout the day. And I'm sure there are many people like me out there, who want to start their day by putting God first but just can't do it themselves and need someone to help them. But if we want to go big, it requires a big commitment and lots of preparation too. I can imagine things already, but that is not what makes me hesitated now.
You know me, God, I am not a saint. I have so many flaws. I have an addiction too. For years I've been trying to avoid any kind of spiritual commitment because I know myself well. I feel like I'm a hypocrite if I make a commitment to serve You but still doing sins. I know no one is without sin, but my addiction is written in the 10 Commandments, Lord.. 😰
So, You don't think I should do this, right? It's just me and another person and doesn't have to go big, right? I don't have to think about others that might be experiencing dryness like me, right?
~ UG ~
I'm tired. So tired. It's almost midnight here, and I'm exhausted but I'm afraid if I fall to sleep, time will pass me by and suddenly I wake up to a day that I could not dare hope will be better than today.
As always, I'm alone. Even though I'm comfortable seeing my daughter sleeps next to me, but I have no one here to hug me, or to talk to. So, I'm writing this to You..
I know I should have been grateful. I should have faith that everything will be just fine. I should have believed that Your plan is to prosper me, to give me hope and a future. But right now, I just feel so tired. Are You here? Are you listening? Why can't I feel Your presence?
:'(
I will meet you in some place
Where the light lends itself to soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you, I have thorns like any rose
You could hurt me with your bare hands
You could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say
But I am lost to you now
There's no amount of reason to save me
So break me
Take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again
Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go and lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul
So break me
Take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again
Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
So break me
Take me
Just let me fill your love again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your arms again
Just let me feel your love again...
(Jewel)
Dear God,
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
Thank you for my parents.
You know my heart, so You know I am not 100% sincere when writing this. But there's a song that said, "And now, let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich, because of what the Lord has done for us". Yes, I thank You that they are alive and I thank You so much that they are not sick, they are healthy and sane enough to make decisions in their life, and I really hope You will continue to bless them with good health. But God, I am hurt.
You know I love my parents. Their approval has been one of the things I've wanted for my whole life. And I know I'm not a perfect child to them, but I have been trying. But now, I'm tired. So tired for trying, so tired for hoping, so tired for wanting them to love me and my daughter -their only grandchild. Okay, it's okay for them to not love me, but my daughter?
I know I have to honor them, but the Bible said that parents shouldn't provoke their children too, and now I'm angry. I'm angry for everything they have done and said to me. Can I be angry? Or will You punish me for being angry toward them?
I don't want to think like this. I am scared of having a thought like this, but I feel like I want to cut ties with them if I can. But I can't. It's not right, it's wrong, and it's definitely not biblical. So, here I am, feeling numb but overthinking. I want to scream so much. I want to throw things so much. I want to run and cry and just be free. But I can't, I just can't, and it sucks.
Black is not you, white is not you
I'm tired of seeing you, not glowing but fading
Love..
You
are what I want, but not this time
I'm tired...
Warm regards to your love
But I was always the one who ran around and broke my heart
Let people see me as weak, but I don't want your love anymore
You're the one I used to love, but I'm hurt
by your love
Now even when you're here, I'm already tired.
:'(
@UndomesticGoddess
I found a couple articles that give interpretations of the "Honor thy father and thy mother" commandment that allow for the possibility of setting boundaries or distancing oneself from parents who are unsupportive or abusive. The word "honor" can mean a lot of different things.
https://themighty.com/2018/03/abusive-parents-honor-your-mother-father-commandment/
http://www.luke173ministries.org/537996
@QuietMagic
Thank you so much for those two articles, Q :')
"Even if you must divorce your parents and never see them again, it doesn't mean that you're dishonoring them. It just means that you accept that they are the way they are and that they'll never change, which in truth is honoring them as people whose right it is to be everything they want to be, that you're ok with it, and even that you still feel love for them, but you just can't stick around for it anymore. Given the unfortunate reality of their innate hatefulness, you can still choose to set limits on them or have no contact with them, because they are destructive people. You can honor them by accepting them for who they are, not expecting change, and letting them live their own way in peace, but at the same time honor yourself and your own right to live in peace as well. Which means choosing NOT to be in their presence when they are abusing you."
Unfortunately, it's not just related to religious thingy, but also a cultural thing as I've told you before. I think I will have to consult this problem with a Christian counselor in my counseling program. Maybe they can help. People can be so judgmental here, and me cutting ties with them might get me being judged. I'm too tired to face another judgment really, so tired...
@UndomesticGoddess
Yes, that passage definitely caught my eye!
I can understand how distancing yourself from them might open up all kinds of social judgments. And how if you're just feeling really exhausted and fragile, it's hard to imagine putting yourself into a situation where you might expect to be judged. 💜 It would be sort of like trying to do vigorous physical exercise on 2 hours of sleep... "I'm too tired for this."
(I guess if I imagine the opposite of that feeling... I can think of some days where I feel pretty sturdy/resilient and it's like, "Oh, you wanna judge me? I can't believe you're foolish enough to want to pick a fight with me. 😊" Just this sort of swagger or confidence like, "Good luck trying to break me.")
I hope someone in the counseling program has some helpful insights.
@UndomesticGoddess
I love this thread! it has reminded me how distant I have grown from God. Thank you :)
@inventiveComputer4161
Hi Comp 😄
I love that you love this thread; thank you so much!
I'm sorry that you feel you've been distant from God. I totally understand you because I've been experiencing this spiritual dryness in me for a couple of months now too.
Feel free to share your own Dear God story here, no pressure though 😉
Have a blessed day wherever you are, Comp, Immanuel; God be with us 💛
~UG~
(by Brandy)
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever? Have you ever?
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand?
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away?
You'd give anything up to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart?
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever? (Have you ever?)
Have you ever?
You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to?
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there?
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care
It makes you cry? (Make you wanna break down and cry)
Have you ever needed something so bad (so, so bad)
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever? Have you ever, ever, ever?
What do I gotta say to get to your heart?
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause, baby, I can't sleep
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad
You can't sleep (you can't sleep at, just can't sleep at night)
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right? (Don't come out right)
Have you ever? (Have you ever?)
Have you ever, ever, ever?
Dear God,
These days You know I didn't listen to music as much as I used/loved to. And You know exactly why..
You know sometimes a song came up on my mind and then I ended up listening to it, the same song, over and over again, and it kind of formed a certain mood in me. If it's a happy, fun, or relaxed mood, I will be fine, but if it's sth different, it can create trouble.
And You know that I've been avoiding listening to love songs for months now, because I can get carried away so fast, and deeper than I ever thought I'd be. The feeling can be so overwhelming that I always thought it's better to not listen to love songs at all.
But today this song has been playing on my mind since early morning. And I don't know how to stop it from playing on my mind. And even when I haven't played it, haven't actually listened to it, this meek heart already feels sth. A flood of emotion, affecting every cell of my body and makes me wanna hug my pillow so much and not do anything else.
And the worst thing is I feel like I want to cry, just because of the sad lyrics in it! Yes, God, it's a sad love song, which is the most kind of song that I've been trying to avoid so badly, but now I'm going to listen to this until I get bored with it, until I sing it out loud till I lost my voice because I sing it over and over again lol, and till I cry on my sleep, probably for days. Ugh!
~UG~
Dear God,
I'm scared.
I want to be brave. I want to be strong. I want to stay faithful, hopeful, and optimistic, but the truth is it's not that easy.
These days I keep thinking what if I experience another fail surgery? What if something bad happens and makes me stay too long in the hospital? What if I die on that operating table?
And I keep thinking maybe I should write a letter to my daughter. Or a will. Or record a lot of voice notes for her to hear or a video for her to watch when she misses me later if I die in that surgery.
I'm so scared, God..
:'(
~UG~
@UndomesticGoddess
I hope things go well with the surgery, and I feel optimistic since they should now be very aware of what went wrong the first time and taking countermeasures to prevent something like that happening again.
That sounds like a good idea just to make sure you've left something for your daughter to help her if there's still a small chance of something going wrong.