Dance with Me: My Diary and Connections
Hello. I am new to this community. Writing this way is a good idea, I'm interested in trying to keep a diary like this. I want to start this. So Every time I feel motivated to write something. Maybe a poem. Maybe a short paragraph. I can't force myself to write more than possible at the time. Sometimes I just can't do it. Sometimes my head can't handle it. I turned 24 this year and my thoughts on that. I'm 24 and it's been 7 years since my first psychotic episode. It's a major life changing event. Everything changes after that. People become scared of you. Remembering things you've done misunderstanding your actions as well. Fearing you'll always be like that or that you're dangerous person because this happened. Yes something like schizophrenia doesn't go away but some thing like stress can often make it worse. But don't expect to see me acting stressed every day. Sometimes it's more of an internal struggle. Other times it can be visable to other people. But it doesn't mean I'm a bad person or that I'm dangerous to you. I'm very anxious about talking to you and with people around as well as external lights and sound it can become overwhelming incredibly fast. When telling people about your conditions makes you look like a criminal... We're both weary and cautious of each other. Strange how similar we are, aren't we? I'm not all of a sudden less than human because of it. I'm still just like you and all those other people. I have feelings and thoughts and you can hurt me just as easily as I can hurt you inside by doing these little things to go out of your way to avoid me. It hurts. Stop causing suffering by misjudging people. Sorry this went on way longer than I thought it would. But I left you with some of my thoughts. If you've read them, thank you so much when you really didn't have to do this. For all of those I meet along the way, thank you for your listening time. It means a lot to me to have support as well as support you when I can. If we're all compassionate the world is such an easier place to live in. Thank you for your time.
It's been awhile since I posted. I guess I lost my drive to write very much. I'm focused but at the same time something isn't right. People are clear, yet they aren't quite clear. It's beyond my grasp. A new phase of the life inside of multiple diverging paths. Where will it lead next? Full of broken reflections, a maze with a trap below my feet. I look up, from right to left. I see everything. But how clear do I really see it? I wander and stumble with my scattered senses. Today someone came up to me and asked me if I played music or drawing. She said that she could spot it by the way I looked. She too was an artist. I guess one such artist may have a sense for others of their kind. Who knows.
Demons marching. Yes even I too join along their alluring bells toll. Dancing with all the spirits who are misunderstood in this world. They have all the dark unwanted duty of the universe, don't they? We sway, we fade away into the nothingness. We are the many demons who interact with human's darkness. Stepping into a boundless entity. Let's join this festival of sorrow. Be filled with your distant echo. A step towards the unknown. It's scary but we have all the important information in the dark. That's why it's unknown. Sorry I can't write properly. No matter. My point.. Maybe it's not getting across. I don't have enough energy to write it no longer.