Can someone tell me if this is an abusive/toxic relationship?

RANT AHEAD

(a few minor curse words, read at your own risk)

so im like on this mental disorder scavenger hunt and trying to figure out what to get tested for (bc i finally convinced my mom)

ive been reading up on BPD and it makes a lotta sense bc i have a parent who has it and i have severe commitment and abandonment issues alongside crazy mood swings and stuff

anyways the point of this was to vent about something that happened about a month ago with my best friend. (his name will be mason for privacy reasons)

so i have a somewhat rocky relationship with mason. i've known him for almost seven years and i've pretty much been like his bodyguard. were mostly awesome friends but we dont see eye-to-eye sometimes. like most friends, right?

probably not...

unless its over something stupid we dont care about and are just arguing to argue, our rare frictions are somewhat toxic. when im upset, i need somebody to care about me and ask me whats wrong to feel better. if no one does, it makes me feel worse and i break down even more until i finally muster the courage to put myself back together to maintain my relationships.

mason, on the other hand, does not understand this. he is a genius, but oh golly gosh does he not sympathize with my needs. i get that i am a very hard person to be friends with, but like, just-

everytime mason is upset, he gives the silent treatment. but it doesnt even stop there. he denies your existence in the most childish way possible and it frustrates the hell out of me. i literally cannot handle the silent treatment because of my abandonment problems. they stem from either anxiety, BPD, or my diagnosed PTSD.

so in short, it mentally harms me to be ignored so brutally.

if mason doesnt cool down himself, i have to swallow my pride and apologise (even if it wasnt my fault). then afterwards, he expects everything to go back to normal and la-dee-da happy

but i cant

he literally is breaking me inside

i constantly tell him about my abandonment issues and not to give me the silent treatment, but he never does anything to fix it. he expects me to not care anymore, but i cant just do that. i have mental issues that emotionally and physically block me from dealing with that kind of stuff, and no matter how many times i explain it to him, he just doesnt fricking get it.

one day, last year, he ignored me just because he wanted to ignore me. i spent five hours trying to figure out what i did to make him mad, and when he finally answers, he goes oh i wasnt mad at anyone. he then proceeds to shrug and say that he was just ignoring me for the hell of it.

i was so upset that i couldnt even look him in the face for two days. i convinced my mom to stay home sick for one of those days.

after i went back to school, he thought everything was fine and yet again i had to swallow the crippling feelings of anger, fear, and sadness i had towards him at that moment. i know he doesnt totally understand me, but i make an effort to get him to understand.

ive never really gotten over it and our relationship fluctuates a lot, at least on my end. he still thinks everything is fine.

but, like, he's one of my FP's. i can't just... not be his friend. even if he hurts me like this....

can someone tell me if this is considered a toxic or abusive relationship??

regardless, im going to explain everything to him once more, with more evidence, and see if he will understand. ive gotten him looped into my minor obsession with mental disorders so he understands them a lot more in general.

sorry for the rant i just needed to get it out.

wish me luck on telling him i guess