Afraid of being who I once was again

It's terrifying for me to experience things I thought I defeated them a long time ago. Starting from feeling extremely dizzy for no reason, feeling that I'm dreaming, I'm not here, to finding myself cutting 5 inches of my hair without even knowing how I did that. I don't understand what's happening to me. I'm hallucinating for the first time in a year which is keeping me from sleep.( even though the fear of hallucinations always keeps me awake ). It's scary not to be able to manage my thoughts and my actions. I'm doing things without realizing what I'm doing. I once tried to accept being like that, accept the hallucinations, I made them my friends which is weird. but what happened is they got even worse.after just hearing voices, I would feel someone with me and see them doing stuff, taking things from me, pushing me, but then I realize that no one took anything from me and I'm still where I am. I never told anyone about these things but I feel that by letting them out, I might get rid of the fear. I'm not good at expressing my feelings and I'm not good at talking at all. But I hope by letting all that out (and it's the only thing I can do right now )I'll get rid of this fear