A Quiet Space for Psalm139 and IsayUncle (Please do not reply or respond. Thank You)
This space was created to get away from crowded threads in hopes of more in-depth conversations between Psalm139 and IsayUncle. Please do not join the conversation unless you are invited. Thank You in advance for understanding and complying. Have a beautiful day!
@Psalm139 @IsayUncle
@Psalm139
Good morning, 
How'd your week end up? Do you have any plans for the weekend?
I'm having a hard time trying to get things done in a focused manner. Just been kinda spitballing all week without any real sense of accomplishment. I hope today I can regain some focus and have a big win.
I hope you have a pretty good day today.😊💚
Hi M,
I see you went on another hiatus.😂. How you doing, OK?
Have you seen my post in the goals and accomplishment threads. It's the same stuff you and I talk about but I figured it gets pretty boring to keep just talking about tasks and chores and tasks and chores.
I thought that if a group of people got together and talked about what they were trying to do it wouldn't be so boring and monotonous. I am astounded that no one wants to talk about that kind of stuff. Ultimately it's not about it bothering me, I just think it's weird.
The longer I stay on this site, the more I realize that people are reaching out just for a 1 to 1 personal relationship. I guess that's the way the site is designed. To find one listener instead of building support groups within the normal everyday chats.
When I quit smoking years ago, I had joined the group called becominganex.org and it was nice when somebody was struggling; and several careing members would interact with them and help them through the hard times. With the different perspectives and different insights I was much more able to manage my addiction to cigarettes and successfully quit with an amazing permanent result.
Unlike me, I know you get anxious aroud groups of people for the most part.
We've been friends for quite a while now but I'm curious if you see the benefits of having group conversations. I hope you don't get upset with me as I reach out to other members. I want to continue to build our friendship for a long time to come.
I just think it would be great to have a group of people interacting with each other in a positive and supporting way. I just don't think This site is designed to encourage that. What do you think?
Anyway, I hope you're doing well and touch base with me when you can. Thanks, have a great day💚
Hey! Â How have you been?
@Psalm139
Oh My Godness... What a treat. To your question about how I've been doing, it's kind of a loaded question with lots ohh intersecting dynamics. But at this current moment, doing pretty good with a series of challenges in front of me. 🤨.
How about you? It's really good to hear from you again. 💚. Are things about the same or has there been changes? Is it getting time to plan some camping trips?
@IsayUncle
Things are about the same but mentally not the best at the moment unfortunately.  Definitely thinking of camping though!  And some vitamin D!  I haven’t been sleeping well and that doesn’t help.   I bought some supplements that hopefully will help.  I don’t remember if I told you that Justin wanted me to stop taking all my medication a while ago and that took a long time to adjust to and isn’t fun. Â
What sort of challenges?  Catch me up!  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could solve our problems and new ones didn’t immediately reappear?!  I’m happy to see I could still find you here :)
@Psalm139
That really would be nice if new problems didn't recur. Reminds me about the Book of Job.
I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling mentally. I guess your husband thinks the medication is keeping you off balance or causeing more problems than benefits. (what do you think?) Being torn in two different directions like that can be pretty stressful. I do remember you talking about something like that, but at the time it was just in discussion and not a reality.
Have you stopped taking your medication or some of your medications? And if so for how long? I can imagine that must have been hard and can continue to be hard if that's the case.
As for me, tons of stuff going on so I'll Fast forward. I had a bus driving job I don't have anymore and then I drove for FedEx, which is very hard so I'm not doing that anymore. Right now I'm trying to make a go of it in the backhoe and septic tank business which is going OK. It has some teeth for success.
I've gained some dogs and lost some dogs and I got hurt dogs. I have one now on the mend from getting hit by a car. No internal injuries but I had to have his tail cut off so he's walking around the house with the cone on his head and he hates it and I hate it but it's all for the best. He'll be fine in a few weeks but it takes up a lot of my time to care for him and try to feed him. He was stubborn before he got hurt, now he thinks he can be stubborn and obstinate just refusing everything.
I'm really glad you reached out to and hope you have a better day today than you did yesterday
@IsayUncle I was wondering what happened with your bus job, if you were still working with the kids.  When did that end?  You seem to be figuring things out, so that’s a good thing!  But I bet all that change and transitioning has been stressful!
I’m sorry about your dog.  It’s good that he’s mostly ok, but that’s still hard to go through, having him hurt.  We had a cat that ran away but someone returned her with her tail off and a cone on her head too.  They found her and took her to the vet before seeing our *** post that we were looking for her.  She didn’t like the cone either!  It’s hard when pets or young children are hurt.  They just don’t understand why they have to take medication (or wear a cone) or go through procedures.
How is your property coming along? Â And the partnership with your friend? Â How are your days looking lately? Â
I’ve been off the medication for maybe four or five months.  Right around the beginning of the cold and dark season here in Iowa.  It was horrible timing with my depression getting worse during those months anyway.  I have a lot of bad thoughts to deal with now, and a lot of anxiety.  But I am less tired and am keeping up with things better.
Homeschool has been going well the past few months but for a while it was not. Â We are catching up. Â
We are still doing taekwondo.  Some days I love it and some I am ready to quit.  It’s a lot of human interaction and none of them know anything is wrong with me so they just act like I’m a normal adult that can handle things.  The instructor is pretty nice to our family though, probably because there are five of us!Â
Thanks for replying to me after so long!! Â I hope you have a good day!
@Psalm139
wOW... I know it's hard but that's pretty impressive about being off your meds and doing relativey well it sounds like. I know.... still very hard.... but your functioning.... that really is awesome! I'm glad to hear all the kids are doing good in here still being active with the Taekwondo. That shows consistency and being off of your meds it shows a lot of strength. I hope you're finding some satisfaction in that.
I don't really have the time to talk about everything that's happened the past few months but I'm still trying to make a living with the backhoe business. My old partner finally turned equipment over to me but he's bad sick in the hospital and now I'm working with another guy but we're starting to have some serious personality conflicts so I'm still struggling to make things work.
At the time I need to be out there working as much as possible, I fell and hurt my shoulder pretty bad until now I've had numerous appointments and then with my dog getting hurt he's had numerous appointments and it's killing me for scheduling work when I need to do it most. So that is really starting to suck. I got one more week appointments every day or every other day and I'm losing jobs because of it and lots of money pay my bills. So physically and sustainability I'm struggling hard but mentally I'm doing pretty good.
I do a weekly thread now about goals. Got some people that are following and we have some good conversations. I guess you could say I'm staying consistent about the importance of accomplishing goals throughout the day. That hasn't changed much
@IsayUncle I’m sorry about your shoulder and all of the appointments.  That makes things so much harder :(. I’m glad the appointments will be over in a week.  That will be a relief, I’m sure!  How is your shoulder feeling?  Is it functional again and without pain, I hope?
Is the weather getting nicer at least and maybe reducing your utility bills? Â I am looking forward to having a break from $400+ gas and electric bills for a few months!
I read on the other thread that you’re having a rough day and trying to get back on track so I’ll let you go for now.  Good luck on your kitchen!  A clean kitchen always makes me feel better!
@Psalm139
How's things with you today? I think my arms my shoulders are gonna give me I'm going old age aches and pains but I'm getting the VA get me some local physical therapy and I'm gonna stay with that to strengthen my arms up for many months to come.
I didn't really realize how much they had deteriorated and I use my arms a lot.
The injury is gonna take a long time to get back to normal but as long as I can function I'm good as I exercise and give it time to heal and strengthen.
Did you guys ever get your laundry room in?
@IsayUncle We actually did get the laundry in - functional anyway. Â The room is still unfinished but looks better than before. Â
@Psalm139
tbh, I am so uplifted & impressed that you stayed with the TDK. Pretty soon, with you getting out with people and learning all this TDK you all just might be able to take a vacation to New York. LOL.Â
Double WOW WOW. Testing with the higher belts is saying a lot just by itself. I'm sorry you felt discouraged but next time you will do better.
Today I thought I had two appointments but it ended up with just one. That one was an hour and a half away in about 10 miles from my house there's a tree across the road I had to completely turn around go around my elbow to get to my thumb so it was a real pain in the ****.
I ended up getting home later and not really not doing anything after that. I'm debating if I wanna go gung ho now or not. I need to.
And now I'm saving the best for last. CONGRATULATIONS! You got your laundry room. I know you said it's not finished and I think you like things more in order and finished. But you got your laundry room. That is really freaking awesome. CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃.
@IsayUncle I’m happy for you that you got one appointment done!  How did the rest of your day end up going?
Yesterday TKD didn’t go very well.  I need to focus on the kids and doing it with them and not how good or bad I am.  I know my expectations are too high for myself.  It’s just really tiring emotionally.  On top of physically, sometimes.Â
 If it was just me it would be time to quit but I have to think of the kids.  Getting them out of the house and doing something is important.  But the thoughts it gives me are bad.  Like when a big truck swipes a little close and for a second I think of stepping in and not away from it.  That’s happened at least twice now.  It scares me that I think like that and it isn’t rational.  Who cares how bad I am at anything or everything.
I try to think that I am as good as all the adults and a lot of the kids.  I can still do the splits all three ways somehow.  I kick as high as anyone but my own fifteen year old daughter.  But still when we do things I’m bad at I feel so bad.  I compare myself with my daughter who happens to be insanely good at TKD.  Better than most of the black belts.  That’s hard to believe but true.  I can only think of one person that is better at techniques.  He is a third degree black belt, 18, and an instructor!
So all that is part of what’s messing with my head right now.  Last night was really bad.  Now I have to get ready and take Makennah to her appointment. Â
I hope you have a good and productive day today.  Sore for the vent 😥.  When I feel like this I wish I could take something to make it go away.
Morgan
*sorry
@Psalm139
Hehey, hey, hey, you just go ahead and vent away. I'm really sorry that there's no easy way to not be so down on yourself. I could say hey look how good you're doing for the kids and the family and stuff like that but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about you. You are the important one in this picture.
You deserve to believe in yourself and have people encourage you to believe in yourself. You are the one that is walking out of your comfort zone. You are an amazing person. Sadly, me saying it doesn't really make you believe it but I'll say it again anyway. You are an amazing person.Â
Perhaps you're on a downswing at the moment but try to remember to grasp the upswings when they happen. That's the only way we can survive, find some balance, and move forward. We haven't talked in a long time but it seems like you've really been fighting for the good and winning. I wish you could feel good for winning. It's important and you've done a lot of winning.
You come here and vent anytime that you need to. You know that that is not a problem. I can't encourage you or discourage you from taking medication but I do know that you can work through this either way because you are strong. Try to believe it and get those other monkeys out of your head, OK?
@IsayUncle Thank you.  You’re right that there have been a lot of good things that have come from TKD and that’s why I’ve stuck with it.  It helps that it’s month to month so once I pay it is hard to just quit.  I have to wait until the next time and by then usually I have had time to remember the good parts.  It’s worked so far. Â
I took Makennah to her appointment yesterday and she told me she wanted to go back to TKD too. Â She is 17 and the only one that has not been going. Â So that made me very happy! Â She will also give me something to focus on other than how good I am doing (or not). Â I can help her to learn the kicks and stances, etc. Â She is not naturally super athletic like Rylee but she has a very laid back, non anxious attitude about it that I wish I could have. Â She just wants to get out of the house and get some exercise and learn how to be around people. Â Â
She does have social anxiety and she has some traits of high functioning autism.  She is incredibly smart, learned to read at four, spoke in complete sentences before she was 2 - but has little quirks like being obsessed with random things (the Sonic movie right now), she paces and rocks when she’s nervous and has always walked on her toes - which I never new to be a sign.  She does really make eye contact in public though is fine with us at home.  And her emotions are a little crazy like mine but lean more toward anger. Â
Anyway I am just super excited to have her in class with us.  Yesterday all six of us went together lol.  I’m happy to get time with her too, with her being so close to being an adult. Â
At her appointment yesterday we found out that she probably has scoliosis- not super bad but I saw the xray and it is curved a little.  I can’t believe the doctors missed that for the last 16 well checks!  I’m probably going to take the boys in and get their backs double checked since they are still growing.  But not today.  Dentist is today for all the kids.  Then I will need a nap since I woke up waaay too early to function.
Did you have an appointment yesterday too?  How was your day?  I don’t mean to make it all about me.  I was just upset.  The ups and downs are back.  I lost the goal thread but am going to see if I can find it!Â
Have a good day! Â
@Psalm139
So you had a full day of parenting today. I know you must love it when you can get a break. That's really cool that you other daughter is wanting to do some TDK. I think you did real good maintaining those classes. I might not know what I'm talking about but all your hard work to maintain that seems to have put a glue within your family. It might not be something that lasts forever and maybe not even be cherished but it sure should feel good while it does last. i know you have some competition things going on with your kids on this level but they sure can't compete with you about how you pulled off and orchestrated this for them all this time.....Â
I had a full day too, physical therapy, work related stuff, clearing land here at the house to Park the equipment. I lost a good job I was counting on because the homeowner has fallen ill and can't work so he can't afford to pay us to do the work that we had lined up.
@IsayUncle I was just noticing that at class on Tuesday during class there was a break in the class for a minute and my kids and I were all huddled together giving each other and me high-fives - from six up to seventeen.  I’m pretty sure that isn’t normal, lol.  They are actually each other’s friends.  Which I think is awesome and I hope they support each other as adults too. Â
@Psalm139 Wow reading that back I love how I used the word class three times in one sentence. Â lol!
@Psalm139
Being the baby of a dysfunctional family had a grossly negative effect on my personality and social ability and family interaction, right up to my current age.
I'll be glad to explain more as time allows.
This week I'm gonna be MIA for a while for writing good posts but hang in there and I'll be back soon. I took on an "unexpected" personal project on and it is consuming all of my time but I have to get it done!
@IsayUncle
I hadn’t actually been seeing anyone for therapy, just a regular doctor for medication.  I miss having the medication to help on the extra bad thinking days.  But other days it is nice to be more alert I guess.
This week has been pretty good.  I have gotten everything done I needed so far.  I haven’t made appointments for the boys to check their backs yet because I’m still waiting on Makennah’s blood test results to see if she will have any follow ups.  We have taekwondo tonight but then the weekend off. Â
How has your week been so far?  Do you have any weekend plans?  We’ve really only been talking about me.  Thank you for being here!Â
@Psalm139
I'm glad you started a new post of the thread. I don't like that + collapsing thing. I've had so much going on for the past couple months I wouldn't even know where to begin. Trying to get the backhoe business off the ground and then all my doctor's appointments and then the dog getting hit and on and on. I think I'm not writing much about myself because I'm just winging it and I can't even put things into words very good right now.
But for the record, all is pretty good. I got my first septic system job to start tomorrow and finish next week. Being solely responsible for it is a little bit nerve wracking but it's easy enough. it's Supposed to rain over the weekend, plus it's Easter weekend too.Â
I answered your question about my brother and how long ago it was on that collapseing thread so I don't know if you saw that post or not.
@IsayUncle
I'm feeling a little guilty for taking today off because the weather is good and I can go do some work. I've been fighting so hard for the past couple months and I finally got the business finances to break even. I was in debt for $2400 and from doing numerous little jobs and stuff but not getting no pay for myself I was $300 from being even Stevens.
We got this big job that would have easily and finally got us into the black and even manage a small paycheck. We went to do that yesterday and on the first day when you're almost done with the whole there were a couple big rocks that was gonna be pain in the **** to get out but very doable until the backhoe overheated. The big belt, the Serpentine belt that runs all the pulleys and stuff at the front of the engine broke which include the water pump shell we had to stop the job load up and bring everything back home to the shop.
And now with the iffy weather and the homeowner is going on vacation next week this job just got dragged out for two freaking weeks when it could have been done in three days.
Always, three steps forward and 2 steps back I guess I should be thankful for that one foot gain.
How is your weekend going? Did you read my past post where I talked about my brother? I think it got lost in that expanding paragraph thing. i don't like that at all.
@Psalm139
Hey Morgan, what you doing?
@IsayUncle Not a lot, boring weekend. Â I have been very tired. Â Back to busy today though.
 I’m sorry about the trouble with your job.  That sounds very frustrating!  Hopefully it doesn’t take as long as it seems to get back on track!
@Psalm139
Taking excerpts from the other thread, I'm not surprised you're very tired. It seems like most of your days are filled with nonstop until you can't go no more. You're just pooped out and that's OK. You have to rest when you need to.
About the two threads, you're right about the time that it takes to answer the same question on two different threads so I appreciate you for thinking about that.
But remember, this thread was made so that you can talk about your more personal feelings you don't want to openly share with others. My thread on the other hand is more of a personal journal that does invite other people to come in. And that includes you. My thread is where you will find me talking more about myself and what I'm doing and stuff like that. The details you might say.😉.
It does make it a lot easier for me to have a casual conversations on one thread. But we still need to use this thread when you wanna talk about more personal stuff. I'm all ears.💗. Thank you for recognizing that, it was very astute and kind of you. (I won't bring up your "more" personal stuff on the other thread).
@IsayUncle Ok sounds good then.  I’ll see you over there!
@Psalm139
Hey Morgan,
Good Morning, please don't worry about cloudy summer too much over there. She is super sensitive about too much information gathering by big governments and corporations. And in general other evil doers on the Internet that gather information for their own purposes. She does have a good point but if we are all already out there, well, that's the way it is. It is a new world and we do have to be careful..
It really is super nice to hear from you again. We can talk in this thread if you want to. i remember that you don't like big crowds, that's why we created this thread. That other thread is nice because it's not just about me talking to other people, slowly but surely people are starting to talk to each other. It's just like cloudy summer trying to look out for you and remind you not to put out too much information. That was her way of caring.Â
It's easier for me over there but talking here is just fine.Â
You dropped in to say hi. I'd love to continue the conversation regardless of which thread do you wanna talk on. I think you're an amazing person and if you feel like talking, I'm here.
A Lot is changed now that I'm working full time. My personal world is in a mess and I'm waiting for things to implode or explode. 😬..... but hanging in there. What about you?
WHAT'S GOING ON M? 💗
I’m ok. I don’t want to take you away from your group, but yeah I’m not comfortable in talking in big groups. There are just too many personalities and I am too easily triggered by things. It’s so hard to see how something is meant in just messages like this. Maybe sometimes I take things wrong but also some people I should just stay away from.
@Psalm139
Yeah I know what you mean, here is just fine. I figured you popped in to say hi and see how things were going so I thought it would be nice to stay in touch for a bit if you want to.
Jax has grown up so much. Your little baby is a young man now. and adorable. How's he feeling? Any better?
How about you, didn't you have some dental stuff or something?
Things should be going good for me because I've progressed in a few areas but it seems like I keep jumping out of the frying pan into the fire and it ain't no different right now. I am just plain old worn out and wondering if there is ever gonna be an end to it.
Jaxon has grown a lot but he is still my baby 💕. His pain has been a lot better the past couple of days - thank you for asking!
I am on the schedule to get my wisdom teeth out next month. But just getting into the dentist to get on the schedule (I was on a waiting list for two years) was a big deal for me! And all the appointments and calls with the dentist and everything going on with Jax leading up to the surgery was a lot too.
I am the same with doing better with a few things and other things being a mess. It’s hard to balance everything all at the same time! I need time to just exist.
Are you struggling with physical or mental energy? Or both? Is there anything in particular making things extra hard right now? I bet it’s hard to do much of anything now that you’re working full time!
@Psalm139
Good morning. I agree, I would like to have some time just to exist too.
I have a doctor's appointment this morning and I'm running late but I'll be glad to tell you whats that's been going on. I'm just struggling with keeping up with everything, getting things done and earning enough money to pay the bills.
I'm not shutting down for days at a time but I feel like I'm just pushing through a cloud of muck.😬
I hope you have a nice day today. 🤗
It’s good that you haven’t been shutting down completely! I understand the struggle though. I feel like I need a schedule but then sticking to the schedule is so hard. Especially when it doesn’t really allow for much downtime. I don’t know how everyone else seems to do everything 🙄
It’s going to be 95 degrees today and feel like 110 so I don’t think I’ll be doing much. Hopefully get a quick workout in before it gets too hot. We are supposed to have TKD tonight too!
I won’t send you a looong message today since you are obviously busy but I would like to catch up
as you have time! I hope your doctor appointment goes well today! 💛
@Psalm139
947pm got home bout 9.... paid bills. dr Appointment got surgury for shoulder scheduled for sep 16.Â
Glad tdk is still a thing 😀
You’ve been needing that surgery for a while! I’m glad you got that scheduled! How long will you be in the hospital? Do you have people lined up to help you when you get out? 9 pm getting home! You need time to rest!
And yep, TKD is still a thing. I’m a low blue belt now. Planning on skipping the belt test this time though because the environment of testing is so stressful and just don’t want to go through that. Maybe next time. I can still make progress in my strength and technique without a new belt and form though! I already know the high blue belt form anyway :).
@Psalm139
Good Morning, I hope you have a great day today. I have 3 or 4 crazy busy days but then after that I should be able to get on some kind of normal schedule. Hopefully.😅
Good morning! It’s going to be super hot again today (like 90s and our window air is working like a fan - not well) so I have VERY low expectations of myself! I hope you have a good day! 💛
 Hopefully i finish this job soon..... gotta go'.Â