A Quiet Space for Psalm139 and IsayUncle (Please do not reply or respond. Thank You)
This space was created to get away from crowded threads in hopes of more in-depth conversations between Psalm139 and IsayUncle. Please do not join the conversation unless you are invited. Thank You in advance for understanding and complying. Have a beautiful day!
@Psalm139 @IsayUncle
@IsayUncle Thanks for making this thread for us to talk💙. I think it will be a lot easier for us to talk here.
I woke up about 20 minutes ago. I feel about the same as yesterday physically. Not horrible but still a little yucky. My ex sister in law (she was at the funeral) told me last week she has covid and I wonder if I might have a mild case too. Or maybe just a cold. I would take a test but I really need to get Jax in for his appointment next week. We already rescheduled once so I really don't want to cancel. Of course if I have to go in for jury duty then I will have to cancel it.
I know you said you had a busy day so we can talk more later. I hope you have a good day💙
@Psalm139
Yea, your welcome. I figured it'd be nicer for you and just checked it out with an elder and it was a super easy idea! Super cool, I was getting lost too in the other thread so this will be nice. Take your cold medicines. The covids seem to be very similar to colds now but we still should be careful ourselves and respectful of others. Most doctors around here are saying the same thing, you have covid, take cold medication. i hope you don't and also hope it turns out to be a mild cold, not a serious one.
Just popped in for a minute. My week just got a lot crazier...... SPEED SENTENCE.... GO..... WORKED OUT DEAL FOR EQUIPMENT..... GO..... GETTING LOAN LINED UP.....GO..... WITH LOAN COMES NEED FOR HOME OWNERS INSURANCE. SNAAAAAG! My property is a disaster and to come look at it will jack my premium way up! For one week i must bust ass to get things sorted outside now and build a front platform for the fron door with steps... 6 feet off the ground. Say it ain't so Joe - argggh!
@IsayUncle Aaah sounds like a lot of work but it will feel good to have that done, right? And you are getting all that equipment then? That's exciting!
I got some good news today. I think I told you about Jaxon's SSI. I got a letter saying he will be getting back pay for March - September and more payments will start October 1st. I think they over estimated Justin's income the past few months though so I will need to print out his last few months of paystubs and send those in to have his payments adjusted. The backpay money (almost $5000) will likely be used to trade in the van for something a little more reliable which will be very nice.
Another complication will be that Justin is getting some amount of inheritance from his grandma. We don't know how much but Justin thinks $10000 at most, maybe much less, because it will be split between his dad and uncle and their wives plus himself and two other grandchildren. It will be enough to put Jax over the resource limit for SSI though so just as his payments start they will stop and I will have to prove we spent down the money so he goes back under the limit. We are hoping to use that money to get a new furnace if it is enough or if it's less maybe get some work on his car done or some smaller projects. It will probably also affect our food and medical benefits so it's pretty stressful. We really need that medical for Jax. Hopefully it works out.
Anyway, sorry to dump all that on you. I know you are super busy today. Let me know how things go with the work on your property. When will someone be over to look at it? Good luck!
💙
@Psalm139
Hey M, Yea, We're going to try a partnership for a couple years. I'm overloaded but going to push through I guess.
I think that really sucks the way they have the assitence programs set up that there is no leeway for extra money. BUT... still a blessing in the long run I would suppose. I'm sorry for all the stress it causes just trying to not go over a penny, It's nerve wracking I'm sure. I feel ilke they make it confusing and complicated on purpose. It pisses me off really.
Cameron calling, talk more later. Sorry about the benifit rant, i know it's really helpful.
@Psalm139
by the way, that really is good news about the backpay. My last post just focused on the negative, sorry about that. I'll probably be stressing all week. Got this graet place to talk but now too stressed to talk sensible.😟
It'll be a tough week for me so please be patient.... I'm bewildered and faking it till i make it which will be next monday. Good nite M and don't you stress too much either. only one at a time and it's my turn! LOL😴
@Psalm139
PS you can always reply after i say good nite, i get up so early it's like reading it fresh. 💚
@IsayUncle
Today has been very stressful for me too so I am right there with you. But don't worry about not making sense or anything about me right now. You have enough to worry about.
It really is a blessing to have all the assistance normally but I do think they complicate things. They also overestimated Justin's income by almost $1000 a month. I think if it would be easy to miss too so I bet they cheat a lot of people out of money that way. It's almost like a job just trying to maintain everything and it can be very overwhelming.
You can tell me more about your equipment and deal with your friend and the loan as you want to and have time. I know you are overwhelmed too right now. Have you taken a few minutes to write a list and prioritize what you need to do? Is there anything your bus kids could help you with?
Funny how I can think so clearly to help you think through your situation and yet I feel so overwhelmed with my own situations that I just want to shut down. The phone calls and all the paperwork and documentation are just so hard.
Anyway, I know you will read this in the morning, so take a breath. Drink your ☕☕☕. Make a plan. Type it out in a message to me if you want. I know that you can do everything that you need to do. 💙💙💙
I hope you have a good day despite the stress. That is great news about the extra money, that's a lot of money so I'm really glad you got it. 😊
Yeah at this point I am just thinking of one day at a time and today and we have school and then Trey's filling fell out so I have to take him to the dentist to get that fixed at 3:30.
Coming up we have a Chuck E Cheese birthday party for Bentley on Saturday, Call in for jury duty on Monday, and Jaxon's Iowa City appointments on Tuesday. Assuming I don't have to actually go to jury duty and cancel them. Really hoping to get those taken care of.
Extras I need to do are print off those pay stubs to send in and call to make eye doctor appointments.
Let me know how your day is going if you take a break later. 💙💙💙
@Psalm139
You're pretty awesome to be able to step it off like that. Baddaboom, Baddabang! I hope you don't have jury duty. 
Total wrench in spokes scenerio. Myself? just didd to keep swinging at whatever takes priority at the moment. Wouldn't even know where to begin. Visit friend who lost wife last month, write letters to parents for kids working, go dig out place to put up storage huts weed and on and on.
Go visit friend wins, long overdue, His Son is in town from Florida and they have some cold beers with a pool table waiting for me. I hope your son's filling went ok and his teeth didn't hurt too much😟. I probably won't write again this evening so have a good nite. I'll have to send you some pictures of the mess my property is in. Hopefully some good b4 and afters after monday.
good nite M.
@IsayUncle Have fun with your friend 💙.
Let me know how everything is going as you have time. I'd love to see some pictures to visualize what you are working on and understand better.
Treyton didn't actually end up needing anything done. It was an old cap that fell off rather than his new filling like I thought and it was on a tooth that could fall out any day according to the dentist. So that's good.
Mentally I have not been good today but I'm trying. Hopefully tomorrow is better.
💙 Goodnight
@Psalm139
Sorry; I say for a while but that's only about 20-30 minutes. Not enough time to know you even got a post. I enjoyed my evening.It was a feel good moment that could last a lifetime. it was good. Maybe tomorrow you can tell me what got ya bummed out. Or better yet you feel better tomorrow.
@IsayUncle I didn't think I'd see another message from you tonight. I'm ok. I don't know what really was/is wrong. Just me I guess. I feel a little better for now. I'm glad you got a break and could see your friend 💙
@Psalm139I'm glad you feel little better now. I know what you mean when you feel blah but can't put your finger on it. I hope tomorrow the blah's are diluted and the Ahhh's are lit up😊
Goodnight 💙
@Psalm139
Good morning, You have no appointments but still the schooling. I hope your day goes easy. I'm off to the races (as they say). Winging it and dinging it as I go. lol. Back to "no" routine, but that won't last long so that's OK too. Cya later.
@IsayUncle good morning 💙. I'm up early. I got up a little before six my time.
Isn't it hard to go back and forth with no routine?
It is for me. Even one thing to do thrown in causes so much anxiety and throws off my whole day. I feel like everything is in limbo. We can't do our routine because we have this appointment or phone call or whatever it is so my mental energy is spent and it almost paralyzes me.
That's kind of how I feel waiting for this inheritance check. Justin's dad won't tell us the amount because he wants to surprise us but it would help to know so we could plan.
I don't know if you've ever had any type of assistance in your life but it complicates things a lot. We can only have a certain amount of resources or we lose the assistance. You'd think if we have money we don't need it. But if we get $10,000, all that would be spent in less than six months just using it for food and health insurance. So the smart thing to do is to spend it and keep the assistance so we can at least benefit from it a little (minus the inevitable loss of the expenses in the month we receive it and maybe a month or two getting it reinstated) Because of Jaxon's medication and catheter supplies, keeping that insurance is very important. I don't even know where to find other insurance.
The other stress is just not knowing if I will have to go to jury duty or not. Mainly because Jax has those appointments that are really important for him to get in for. I already had to reschedule once and it took two months to get him back on the schedule. Also no one else knows how to do his catheter. So I guess I will have to teach someone.
Anyway, sorry about last night. I wanted to talk but Justin was talking to me and so if I am on my phone and not paying attention he doesn't like it. So I'm sorry I didn't respond when you messaged me back. I wanted to. Maybe we will get a chance to tonight. I really want to hear more about your plans for this partnership with your friend and how you are feeling about it💙
@Psalm139
Heyyy, just found a minute. Brought two kids home and that's that. it's been a busy day. They washed the dises but i have to clean the kitchen and medicate the dogs. My big one got bit by a rattler I think. Her cheeks and throat swelled like a watermelon. A can of evaporated milk brought the swelling down fast. Ola school remedy from my neighbor and it worked.
How did your day develop?
All that stuff you wrotre about in your last post, i agree with. It is very stressful especially when you are in limbo and can't make a decision.... because of others, like you said, "parallized". that is a bunch of legitimate stuff all at once. It'll come and go as it needs to so hang on till it rides itself out.
I'll be up for aa little bit if you get this in time and can talk.
@IsayUncle How is your day going? 💙☕
@Psalm139
Good Morning. 
...... I don't feel that that sparkly, but faking it until I make it, Pushing through until Monday. I know your are too. I have a mirror day of yesterday, I'll check in when I can. 💚. Wishing you many great cups of coffee and a wonderful day to follow. 😊
@IsayUncle Good morning. Last night was pretty bad. Justin and I were talking which turned into fighting and I was crying. I still feel bad/sad today. Idk. I wish I could just turn off my brain. I don't want to think.
Anyway.
I'm glad your dog is ok and the remedy worked. Did you get some things done with the kids last night? Nothing extra for us today. I can call tomorrow afternoon to find out about jury duty.
Ttyl I guess.
@Psalm139
Awww, you know I'm really sorry to hear that. You all have been together a long time and these things are going to happen. It really sucks though! 😞.
I'll be checking in throughout the morning but in the meantime, just shutdown and rest for a while if you can. No worries today. That won't change anything anyway. Breath and close those tired eyes for a few minutes.
I going out to do some backhoe work but will ttyl.
@IsayUncle Thanks. Yeah I really don't try to talk to him very often because he doesn't understand how I feel and always thinks Im attacking him if I'm upset about anything. Most of the time it isn't even about him.
He did say he wants to hang out more just us which is a good idea. He wants to get a Y membership and go together and pay one of the girls to babysit. It makes me nervous thinking of that but hopefully I will get used to it and we can find times that aren't that busy.
I think I told you I don't go out really at all unless it's for groceries or something outside. I guess my social anxiety is pretty bad. I get depressed not going anywhere but going out is so stressful and overwhelming.
It seems like maybe you are different than me in that way because you talk about your friends and having bus kids over. I haven't had a friend in ten years. I'm just not good at it. I am so up and down that it is too overwhelming to manage and I can't really be honest because if I was they wouldn't want to be my friend anyway so I just don't try. It's nice having you as an online friend to talk to but I think you probably will get tired of me eventually too.
I hope you are having a good day and getting lots done.
@Psalm139
Hey M, I enjoy talking with you too. Stopped in real quick to mix some meatloafs together and throw in the oven. Relationships are difficult because we know a crazy amount of faults and weaknesses about the other as well haveing huge expectations that someone else should be able to feel our emotions and that is not possible. Sometimes it could be so nice just to go do something with a stranger. Sometime if we treat a significnt other as a stranger, it's better because we are kinder to strangers as we don't know thier faults.
“Familiarity breeds contempt.” Aesop
“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” Bob Marley
When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have. Stephen Hawking.
I hope you don't mind some food for thought when you have a chance to go to the Y and have a chance to just relax and observe and hopefully just let go because everything your hanging onto is normal and maybe you can step outside your normal to see how it feels. 💚
That last sentence came out wrong. Instead of "See how it feels". What I meant to say, was "Maybe it could feel a little better". Not there was anything wrong with your normal, I'm so sorry if that is how it sounded. 
@Psalm139
I do know how hard it is sometimes. I hope I didn't offend you or make you feel worse. I just wanted to offer you some hope because it sounded like you were feeling weak in the knees. I support you M, You're OK.
Sorry I haven't been around today. I'll be ok eventually. You know how it is sometimes.
How was your day? Going to bed already?
@Psalm139
Good to hear from you. where did you go today?
My day was tiring but ok. I'm done working the kids for the week.That didn't work out too well for me as far as getting things done. But it worked out good showing the kids support but it wore me out in just a few days How do you do it?
@IsayUncle I didn't go anywhere. I meant I wasn't around on 7cups to talk. I did school with the kids and Justin got home before I even made dinner. Now I'm going to try to do some dishes. Mentally I haven't been good though. Hopefully I'll be good by Saturday for Bentley's birthday.
I thought you were going to do Mondays and Tuesdays with the kids? I don't have any secrets about that. I never seem to have everything done all at once. What you're doing with those kids is pretty awesome though, just make sure to take time for yourself when you need it too💙
@IsayUncle Oh and I wasn't upset by anything you said. You are completely right about being kinder to strangers than we are to people we know. It's kind of sad but that is how it works. Justin is definitely like that. It frustrates me the way he is so nice to everyone else and then we get home or in the car and he just ignores me or asks me what the f is wrong with me. I'm like that too I know. I just don't interact with other people as much and don't say things like that even to him. But I definitely don't try as hard to hide how I feel, so I know he sees the worst of me. And the kids do, too.
@Psalm139
I'm sorry that's the way things are. I wanted to talk to you more last night but I did fall asleep. Sorry about that. I was trying to work the kids as much as I needed this week to get the property cleaned but it was more than I could handle.
I don't think kids react to the "worst of us" the same as adults do. I'm pretty sure the "awesome mom" you are, will always win in the long run over the insecure mom. I’m learning that young adults just develop this heavy duty “Offish” personality, no matter what we do or how hard we try. They are fighting like mad to make their own world and all we are is interference. I noticed it with my own nieces and nephews back in CT and it would bother me a lot. Now I see the exact same thing in the bus kids and I understand it better.
As you know, I’m recently divorced after 20 years so I understand completely about the toxicity. And also, the feeling of being trapped in a hard relationship. I do not know what you think about quotes but that first one I shared with you is over 2000 years old and it blew my mind years ago because my 14-year-old nephew shared it with me many years ago when I took him out for dinner because of trouble in the family with his mom and sister.
I like quotes because they remind me that the things I feel; people have been feeling for hundreds of years or more and somehow, I found comfort (a lot of comfort) in the fact that what I was feeling was NOT me or my fault so they helped me out a lot. Aesop = 564 BC … For 2700 years, Toxicity has been a factor with long relationships so please stop blaming yourself. I promise, it is not you that causes the toxicity. Sadly, it still has to be dealt with and my heart is out there for you if you need to just keep talking about it. I won’t try to fix it with quotes, I’ll just listen. 💚
You have a lot on your plate right now and hopefully you get some good news on Monday about your jury duty. That seems to be the big stresser right now so you hang in there and ride it out without imploding. you're strong enough, you can do it.
And I do hope you have a woderful birthday with Bentley
@IsayUncle I wondered if that was what you were doing with your bus kids. Teenagers can be especially hard. My oldest can be like that and it's hard. I hope she changes as she gets older. My daughter that turned 14 is emotional and moody like me but also sweet and very observant and compassionate. She and my oldest son always notice and give me hugs when I'm sad or upset or if Justin is being mean. He isn't as mean as he used to be. Not as often. But I think my mind is still stuck in the way it used to be. When we were fighting the other night I told him to just take his inheritance and go if he hates me so much. He just ignored what I said but I do kind of expect that will happen at some point. He left me once for a girl he worked with when our girls were 1 and 3. The other times he left were because of drugs. The worst of that was in late 2018. I guess recently enough that I am still traumatized. And being involved with DHS for a year and a half and having to go to court several times over it and living in that shelter....it's just hard for me to feel the same about him. Even though he does work and take care of us now and he has been sober since 2019. I guess I'm just scared and my mind won't relax and be happy that it's better now because what if tomorrow or next week or month or year - it isn't.
Anyway, yes jury duty is a big stress. Especially because Jax has that appointment that I already rescheduled once so it will be delayed again if we can't go. And then the inheritance is stressful because he will lose his medicaid that pays for his medicine and catheters and appointments.
Tell me more about what's going on with you and the equipment deal and plans with your friend. Did someone look at your property or are you still getting it ready for that? How are you feeling about that decision?
I have to get groceries today and do school and then call to see about jury duty and then tomorrow is Bentley's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. I got a package so all the kids will get to play unlimited games while we are there and they get pizza and a drink and I got a cake. It will be a stressful and busy place for me but he will love it 💙
@Psalm139
One good thing about Chuky Pizza is that it's on solid ground, like you know you're doing it, you know it'll be hectic and some stress. You know the kids will love it and you can watch them have fun. those kind of thimgs are nice because there do not have anymore big decisions to make, It' done and now you can just let it happen.
I thought you called jury duty on Monday, but It's today you have to call for Monday. Oh please, please, please let it be good. 
🙏
So I was hoping to get all this mess cleaned up before the insurance appraiser came. That did not happen but I'll work on it some more myself with no kids. I'm waiting for a reply on a 30.000 dollar loan and I think the banker is waiting for me to show proof of insurance.
