A Diary of Poems and Thoughts
What it says up there. Sometimes poems, sometimes thoughts. Responses welcome but won't necessarily be answered.
Entry #1
What happens when someone is broken and can't be repaired? Why does everyone lie and say they can? Why the lie that there can be a future? Why the lie that it's okay to fail when it's clearly not? Why the lie that I matter when it's clear that I don't? Why the lie that people care, that therapists and the like care, when they don't? Why the lie that humanity is good when there is so much pain? Why all the lies?
another day. and another time when i may as well talk to the *** walls no matter where i go. i'm nothing to everyone. i should just *** die
I think I'm going to stop talking. I'm never allowed to have feelings, or be hurt, or get upset. I'm never allowed to talk about my worries, my problems, my anxieties. I'm not allowed to be anything but perfect. It's exhausting. So, to avoid all the awfulness, I'm going to just stop talking. Eventually I'll just stop everything and die and then everyone will be better off.
@TiredandDone00 Hey :) I hope you don't mind my writing to you. This are feelings I have too. That I'm not allowed to have or share my feelings - my hurts. The problem is we can only bury things so deep and even then it starts to seep into everything
@mytwistedsoulI I don't mind but I don't think I'll be doing that. I tend to just cause problems when I talk about anything. So I'll just keep it to vague venting. Not really planning on doing that very often either.
@TiredandDone00 I understand :) You have to do what works for you. I know all too well that talking does cause problems
Didn't think I'd be back here so soon.
I have once again proven that I just shouldn't talk. All I ever do is cause problems. I am good for nothing. I am worthless, hopeless, and awful.
Well back again, to try and fend off the creeping madness.
I don't know what to do. I don't have any answers. Yet I'm expected to know everything and solve everything, without ever having emotions of my own. I'm expected to just... not let anything get to me. And just be perfect in every way. I need to be the punching bag, the magic bullet, and the panacea. But I'm barely holding anything together and I'm losing my mind. I can't take it, I can't I can't I can't I can't.
Ghosts and silence, my only friends
Heart rended and shattered
I am nothing. I am no one
I have never been
A pain, endless
Just make it stop
Well, this site is basically unusable now, terrible interface, nightmare to navigate, probably won't be back (I can't even find my own *** thread without having to search for it).
For anyone who might give a *** (not that anyone does) last thought here probably:
I just can't take anything more. I just can't. I want my miserable life to just stop.
