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@MusicCandy @SadMe70 New place to communicate

SadMe70 March 16th, 2022

@MusicCandy Hi! I decided it was easier to just start a new thread. I can't figure out the old one.

I am headed to my mom's tomorrow until Sunday night. Today is the fifth anniversary of dad's death. I couldn't get up there today, so it's the first time I won't be with her on the actual day. I won't be on here this weekend, so I'm writing this on Wednesday.

Yesterday I made my first trip to the mountains in a long time. I hiked to Mary's Rock. It was not crowded and was great weather. It was kind of funny hiking in a t-shirt with snow on the ground!

Today we are celebrating my DIL's birthday. The actual day is Saturday but I'll be at mom's. I am going to make the Korean dessert that I made for New Year's, since their dog ate all the leftovers and she didn't get to try much of it. Then I have some cleaning to do, and some errands to run, and then pick her up 45 min away because my son is here at work near our house. I'm going early enough to drop by my other son's house first to meet his new dog. He and his fiancee are adopting a 2 year old. I need to do laundry to prepare for my trip, and need to write detailed instructions for my pet sitters. I have an old note to work from, but I have a new lady coming one day and I need to make it extra-detailed for her. She is a pet sitting company, so it will cost me, but I need another person in my rotation of feeders. So it's a busy day today!

I am grateful for my spring break this week that allows me to do all these things. I spent the weekend doing very little because I knew the rest of the week would be very busy! I don't like getting home the evening before I have to go back to work, since I won't get laundry, shopping, or cooking done, but it couldn't be helped!

I hope the new thread works out, and that I tagged you correctly so you will see it!

I hope your week has gone well, and here's to five more years of messages to come!


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SadMe70 OP October 21st, 2023

Hello my friend, I had a wonderful visit to my mom's, but I have to start with my sad news about my goat.  The vet did come before I went on my trip and drew some blood.  He said that her breathing was ragged and one possibility was lymphoma in her chest.  He called me over that weekend and said her white blood cell count was high.  Our plan was for him to come over this past Monday to give her antibiotics, and over the course of this week my son was going to help me dig a great big hole.  The medicine would hopefully ease some discomfort while we got ready to have her put down, although she was also eating very little in the last few days of last week.  I was chopping up and hand feeding her fruits and veggies, and various plants from the yard.  I left some of that for the girl who fed her while I was gone.  When I got home Sunday afternoon, she was dead.  I feel SO awful that her last 3 days were spent alone without me there to care for her, and be with her when she died.  I don't know if or how much more she suffered.  I had accepted that she would have to be put down and would be sad about it in any case, but I feel so much worse that she was alone.  My husband's friend from around the corner drove his backhoe over here and he and my husband buried her Monday while I was at work, which was a relief.

I have just been feeling so down from that and then last night my husband and I had a huge fight about his mess in the living room.  He had started to clean it up and was feeling really good about it, but I didn't even notice because there is still so much mess, and I said it still was a big mess, so he got mad and it escalated from there.  A couple of the pictures we got of the babies last week included her mom at the baby class they go to, and her mom and dad feeding them in their high chairs.  That was so painful to see. I am just not able to be a bigger person and be happy for her parents.  I also always have a hard time leaving my mom and my hometown.  I miss her and my sisters, and I miss being able to be there.  So, I've been pretty down this week after such a great weekend.

So enough of my whining - last weekend was so nice.  Mom made me dinner Friday night, a yummy cauliflower/sweet potato curry that she has made for me before that I like a lot.  We also ate lots of cheese and crackers with wine.  Saturday was the family lunch in Baltimore.  I saw both of my sisters, my one brother-in-law, my older son and his wife, my mom's sister, and a cousin from my dad's side.  The lunch was nice, and we went back to my aunt's house for cake so we got to visit a little extra.  Mom and I took a walk on Sunday morning before I left.  I was also able to do a few small things around the house for her, which I was so glad to do since my sisters are there more and do so much more for her than I can.

I love your idea of caroling in the neighborhood!  I did that once with my girl scout troop and I loved it, and I am sure the people in the neighborhood did too.  I think you should do it! I am sorry about that other person's rudeness to you and the other member.  That is a terrible way for someone to behave, much less in a church group.  I don't blame you at all for being glad he will be gone in a few months.  What will you do on the Pastoral Care team? I am not familiar with that.  I am glad the pastor sees all the work you are doing!  I know how much time and effort you have put into events there in the time I have known you!  I'm also with you on the Christmas party - such a small gathering would be extra painful.  I went to our staff party my first year and never went again.  We even had to play games.  Yuck.

I am so glad to hear about the good followup scan for Mark!  I hope the issue they saw will resolve without complications.  How did Abi do this semester?  How was the wedding venue tour?  Did you like it?  Do you feel like things are coming together for the wedding?

I am so glad you called your two friends!  Will you get together with the old friend, or your other two friends?  I do actually enjoy my walks with my two friends when we do it, though I don't miss it too much when we don't!  It is not unusual for me to dread it beforehand either, even though I know I will enjoy it once I get there.  I don't know why it is so hard for people like you and me to do things like that.  Ugh.

I continue to eat too much also.  I cannot lose any weight, and being sad all the time for an entire year now (this is right about when my son told us they were moving) is really a big factor in me being unable to drink less alcohol and eat less comfort food.  Combined with my sore muscle restricting my exercise, I'm just feeling very blobby.  I hope you did better than I did, with all that temptation around you at work!

I hope you have a good week, and thank you for reading through all my whining!


1 reply
MusicCandy October 22nd, 2023

@SadMe70it happened again - message wouldn't post.  But It did print, so I can retype it.

Life is pretty painful sometimes. I'm so sorry about your beloved goat. you did your very best to ease her suffering and it still doesn't feel like enough. I think personally that her passing when you werent there is a blessing in disguise. I can see her just going to sleep and not waking up. There was nothing you could do and I know it makes you sad not to see her. time doesn't heal very fast, or at all.


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MusicCandy October 22nd, 2023

Just testing, here is the rest.

The babies - it seems almost cruel for you to see the "happy family" without you, and they don't seem to make much effort to include you anyway. I'm so sorry, and i wish that someone something would work out differently. It kames me sad to think of what you go through every day.

Good times though though with your family. Was this the first larger family group for your son and new DIL, or were they all at the wedding? Your mom sounds wonderful, and it is comforting to be able to do some little thing for her, I know. It is normal to feel a "let down" coming back from a high endorphin experience., but its still hard. Do you think that may be a factor in the "fight"  with your husband? sometimes, we are just fed up with everything and snap easier. I know what you mean about him cleaning up a little, but its still terrible. My fiance often does something that is more cosmetic without even getting to the big stuff that HAS to go. I'm not vert appreciative. My only real comfort is after he is gone, hopefully before me, his money will pay to clean it up. I'm doubting it will ever get done as long as he is alive.  hate feeling that way, and its the last thing I wanted for my new home and he knows it. He just has other qualities so I don't kick his butt out. 

no, I didn't call my old work friend yet. Life was very busy and I couldn't have had time to enjoy a phone call anyway. Thank you for reminding me that the party the Vestry wants to have may even include games - OMG -I'd have  a sudden horrible headache. 

As for Pastoral Care, it is a division within the church that includes any type of lay ministry to anyone who needs it- hospital or shut ins, taking communion to folks who can't come to church, making check in calls, ect. The main thing is our Pastor has medical issues, 3 cancers in a few years , and now sick again - she can't make the visits at all. some of us have to be trained and ready to do it. It is right up my alley and is good for me since I'm free different weekdays and most others work  daytime. I know its my calling to sit and pray with folks and attend to their needs. I'm also a good organizer so heading up a team fits my personality.

I worked last week, my coworker had to go out of town, her mother is in hospice, and I somehow agreed to work 3-11 Sunday too, but  can't remember what that reason was. Some people get their days off, no matter what, I don't get it. Work has been busy so far, but some breaks. 

The wedding venue is just lovely. Its the Manakin Mansion ,  you can look it up and see, but the pictures don't do it justice. It is secluded and has so many choices, very elegant bricked walls and garden spots to sit and sip after the ceremony, which can be is a beautifully decorated gallery, or out under the trees. The reception is under a tent, all included. It is definitely her style. Details coming along, and of yes, she wants the fireworks (3000! extra) I hope I can keep this job long enough to have it all for her and Mark.

My meals are always erratic, but I've stuck petty close to my 2 glasses a week. The herb tea helps, but I have to mentally anticipate it, and my snacks which is whatever I want. I hope you get to enjoy your chai - any little thing, and take a walk, even a short one to enjoy Fall. Sending love.

SadMe70 OP October 28th, 2023

Hello my friend, I have been better this week.  A little distance from the death of my goat is helping to ease my sadness.  The baby pictures this week had no in-laws, so it was easier to be happy about seeing them.  There was a short video of my grandson in crawling position rocking back and forth, so he should be crawling for real soon.  These things make me happy and sad at the same time.  I love seeing the videos and pics, and hate missing all of it in person.

All of the family from Mom's birthday party except the cousin from my dad's side were at the wedding, so my new DIL knows them all well.  They all like her a lot.  She is a sweet girl.  My mom is an amazing person.  I am not strong like she is - I take much more after my dad, with his Irish tendency toward worry and sadness.    

I continue to study Korean using the Duolingo app and other online resources.  I am also trying out an online tutor.  We did a half hour trial lesson, and one longer lesson.  She usually works with total beginners, but since I have a fair grasp of the alphabet, some vocab, and a little knowledge of the grammar, she is doing conversational level lessons.  I think it is too advanced for me, but if I can manage to study the grammar more between lessons, maybe I can keep up.  I only plan to meet with her about once a month.

I got my crown on Thursday.  I am so glad that is over, and I really hope to not need any more dental services any time soon.  My pulled muscle is finally healing but I can still feel it, so I am still doing the very light cardio.  I took two short walks on mostly level ground this week, so I am at least getting a little exercise.  My meals were pretty good, alcohol and sweets every day but mostly not excessive.

I can't remember if I told you, but a teacher who used to be at my school, but quit two years ago because she was fed up with behaviors, has been tutoring ever since, and recently opened a tutoring center.  She has 30+ students per week, and a waiting list, so she is hiring additional tutors.  She approached me, and I am going to give it a try!  I am excited about it, and think having something else to occupy my mind will be good for me.  I am less sure about being out later than usual on a weeknight, since I have a lot of nights when I sleep poorly and am exhausted by the end of the school day, but I start on Monday.  Just once a week for an hour.  I know the student, a first grader from my school who is actually in one of my small groups, and he is a nice kid.  By far not the lowest kid I work with, but below grade level in reading, so I hope the individual lessons will help him come along faster.

I know that the letdown feeling of coming back to VA contributed toward my sadness and probably made me less willing to be cooperative with my husband, but also I am so sick of the junk everywhere I just can't be nice about the halfway cleanups anymore.  I have had the EXACT same thoughts you mentioned - I am going to have to grit my teeth and hate the mess until he is gone, like you he will probably go before me.  Then I can clean it up.  I know it will never get done while he is alive.  I feel terrible like you do, but I think it's the truth in my situation.

The Pastoral Care sounds perfect for you!  You spend so much time caring for others at work and home, and at church.  Plus your experience teaching children for so long - you are a very caring person.  I am so happy for you that you have this opportunity!

I understand being frustrated when people take off at work.  I am grateful that my requests for time off have never been denied or questioned, so I assume they are like that with everyone.  However, when teachers take off, there has to be somebody in the room, and if they can't get enough subs, my team gets stuck in those rooms and we hate it.  

I did look at the mansion website when you first mentioned it, and it looks so beautiful!  I love that sort of venue as opposed to some more modern hall that has no lovely nooks and architecture.  Having it all in one is definitely easier.  Fireworks sound amazing!  It is wonderful that you are able and willing to give her everything she wants for her special day!

Good for you sticking to 2 glasses a week!  I went as far as putting teabags out on the kitchen table one morning to have that night, but drank bourbon instead.  Meals are tough with your schedule.  Hopefully more time to prepare and eat meals will be a benefit of retirement!

Tonight is my older son's Halloween Dungeons and Dragons party, and I am going!  I went last year and it was fun.  I am actually more comfortable with some that group than a lot of other people.  Maybe because they are sort of nerdy misfits as well.  

I hope you have gotten to enjoy the lovely weather this week!  It will not be quite so lovely later this week, so let's enjoy it while we can.  


MusicCandy October 29th, 2023

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MusicCandy October 29th, 2023

Hello, my friend

It is great to hear that you are feeling even a little better with your goat no longer with you and everything else. I'm glad you had a couple of walks - that's a good start. 

It has to be bitter sweet to see baby pictures,  especially since you were looking forward to Christmas being together. Grateful, still that they are healthy. It must give you joy with your new DIL getting along with your family - that doesn't always happen. I'm happy too that you are going to play D & D with your son - that is fantastic that you get to have a little lighthearted fun. 

i cant remember if i told you I set up a pizza and game night on election day evening at the church . I hoped it might be a good time since school is out, but so far not much interest - we will see if that changes at church tomorrow. It doesn't matter one single bit to me, but I do think it would be a nice activity for folks to play a game with someone they don't know well - for ' Fellowship". 2more months, in January I'm off that duty.

It is kind of remarkable that we share the same grim feeling about the person we live with . I don't know if we could be brutally honest to anyone else. I try not to look at my backyard, but its also my entire basement and attached and detached garage and 2 more outbuildings. I just know it isn't healthy for ME to dwell on the utter helpless feeling, so I try to move my thoughts elsewhere and know i may have to just wait.  I'd scream and yell, but it wouldn't change it.  work does keep my mind occupied and church helps me think that I'm contributing to some good in the world. 

I remember that you said that you are learning Korean, that is amazing. I've read that learning another language is an excellent way to keep the brain sharp and slow down aging. I know piano does too, but I don't play as much as i teach which does give me happiness. I think you will like the tutor side job too. i bet with an extra hour a week he will move on faster. It is hard for me to imagine anyone struggling with reading since i grew up with me and my sisters all spending so much time with books, we were all early readers and it came easily. Math  - another story!

I'm glad your crown is done. It is a relief. Mine ended up costing 800 out of pocket, even with insurance. i have a niece who lives near the Mexico border, and she gets major dental work done there for way less than the US, and they do as good a job too. I can't go that far, but it doesn't se right.    My wine is holding steady and meals still erratic. I try to take healthy heat up meals to work, but at home I just go go all day and sometimes don't stop to eat until dark, not counting coffee and tea.  You are doing better than me in that way, but we both have challenges, Halloween now, candy , o boy. 

November has crept up now. Rachael, her Dad and Abi go to Massanutten first week of November and they always enjoy it. It is extra work for Abi helping with Rachael, but she can work remotely and have some fun on the mountain too. A break for me and fiance, but I'm still working extra shifts  so not really.     tonight work was busy for several hours, but maybe a break now .  I wasn't sure I'd have time to write, but at the moment I've done al the exams he ordered... so far. I hope you have a nice week overall, Fall is here and the leaves are pretty.  Chai tomorrow for you -- sleep for me. 


SadMe70 OP November 4th, 2023

Hello my friend, pretty good week here mentally.  I enjoy wearing a costume at school for Halloween.  My team re-used a costume we had several years ago, just a poncho type thing that looks like a jack-o-lantern.  Simple, comfortable, and fun. At the end of the day, each grade gets to parade around the bus loop for everyone to see.  Friday was Pajama Day, and I love that one too!

My eating has been very bad.  There were cookies one day at work, not even homemade, but about five kinds and I went back several times and ate a LOT.  Then Friday there was more stuff, and I ate two pieces of some homemade pumpkin bars.  I just ate a piece of cake.  Ugh.  I also slept really badly two nights because the cats are in at night now that it is cold, and one meows endlessly multiple times a week starting around 3.  Then I am too tired to do any real exercise in the mornings.  Grrr.  I had two short walks, and my muscle continues to heal.  I hope in another couple of weeks I can do more strenuous videos in the mornings again.

I did my first tutoring session on Monday.  It went well, but there are so many materials there to choose from that I feel I am flailing around a bit.  Also she has literacy based games and I ended the session with a game, but I think I need to start the game a little sooner.  Poor kid is 6 and has already been at school all day, so I want him to learn but keep it fun.  Also, starting this coming week, I will be meeting with whoever brings him (last time was an aunt) to give a recap of the lesson and take the payment - I am not used to meeting families of the kids I work with so I am a bit nervous about that aspect!  I grew up loving reading also, thanks to my parents, and passed that love on to my boys, so I do find it sad that so many kids don't like to read because it is so hard for them.  

My husband's birthday is Monday.  I am off Tuesday (they use the schools as polling places), so we are going up to La Plata for dinner on Monday evening after I tutor, or possibly Tuesday for lunch.  Have you gotten more interest in your pizza and game night?  It sounds like the kind of thing people would like!  I don't think that I personally would go play with strangers (you know me!) but we took our kids to something like that at our community center a few times when they were little and we liked that.  We used to play a lot of games as a family and I really miss that.

I am glad to be able to share my feelings with you about the mess here and how I know he will have to be gone before it gets cleaned up.  It is a relief to voice that, since I do feel guilty feeling that way, but it helps to have someone who understands that I can tell it to!  He just bought a huge used riding mower and has spent a ton of time fixing and repainting the deck.  One more thing I will have to get rid of later, and one more project that keeps him from doing things I would rather have him do.  We have two collapsed but still full outbuildings, plus two newer ones that replaced those, that are filled with more junk, plus the basement, and he filled up the boys' old room.  Thank goodness we don't have a garage.

I booked a lesson with my Korean tutor for this coming Friday, so I will spend part of Tuesday studying more, and organizing the various materials I want to have out around me so I can attempt to converse with her (verb conjugation rules, etc.)  I think it is good for the brain too!  Now that I found this app, I would really like to be learning Spanish instead of Korean.  

I think playing an instrument is also a great way to keep your brain sharp.  I have not touched my clarinet in a few years.  We used to do a Christmas concert but haven't done that in several years.  My dad loved it, but my boys hate doing it, so I don't know that I could get them to start back up again.  I am glad you are teaching piano and getting a little playing time in!

The cost of the dentist was very annoying.  I have used up my entire FSA card, which just got filled July 1, over $2000.  Let's hope we are both done with dentists for a while!  And other medical crap too!!

How did you do with meals and wine this week?  Are you still having your tea most evenings?  Did you have leftover Halloween candy at work, etc.?  I didn't eat any candy, but since I filled up with cookies it's just as bad.  

Are your girls at Massanutten this week?  Will they stay all week?  I stayed there for one weekend when my son was in middle school.  His robotics team was in a competition in Harrisonburg and the team rented a house together.  I am not a skier, so I have never been during winter.  I bet it is beautiful out there right now.  I'm glad they got to go, and you get a little break despite still working!  

I hope you can do something fun or restful this week!

1 reply
MusicCandy November 5th, 2023

@SadMe7

A short note, after your lovely long one that always lifts my spirits ( eve the bad sounding stuff!)

I had a very busy week and managed to get to one of my friend's house and made lunch. That part was great. On the way out of her house, I was carting a box of jars she saved for my jam making, and I tripped over uneven sidewalk and fell flat on my face. Lucky, i didn't break anything - but blood, broken glass and a very scratched up eye, cheek, lip, knee ,hand,, its a miracle I got up and drove home. I tried to get out of her driveway quick so she wouldn't worry ... she had a brain tumor removed a few months ago and is doing pretty well recovering, but I knew if she saw me it would upset her. I got home and cleaned it up and figured nothing was broken but I still had work that night at 11. I took a Tylenol and got up and looked like a Halloween leftover on my face.  I went to work anyway and covered it up mostly with  mask.  

Then, a funeral this morning at church and back to work at 3 and now going all night. It was busy earlier but now, 1:30 AM, maybe a break to take a little nap. I'm not going to make it through Service, but I have to drop off a flyer at church on my way home to sleep. church is on my way, so at least its not inconvenient. Girls are at Massanutten, and the Fall time is really pretty. Abi called and told me they got unpacked this afternoon.  THEN, I'm back at work Sunday night 11-7 , overtime, no one else available. A LOT of candy all around this place.   

We will see if there are enough people for the pizza and game night. Goals of the Vestry are for people who know each other , but not very well- to spend time getting to know each other better. Its easier to call on a friend that you spent some time with, when you need a prayer or a meal, or a ride, or anything really. A game is a non threatening way to have fun and develop a deeper friendship - but we'll see. 

I'm going to try to get a little rest, and I do want to chat about all your news - I'll try to get back tomorrow night.  Prayers for the world, and for each other. 

1 reply
SadMe70 OP November 5th, 2023

@MusicCandy Do not worry about writing again this week! Rest when you can and get healed. We can message next week!


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SadMe70 OP November 11th, 2023

Hello my friend, first - how are you doing after your fall?  I am so glad nothing was broken, but it sounds very painful.  I imagine you had some bruises by the next day as well.  So sorry you had to go to work after that too!  It was kind of you to hurry off to save your friend from feeling bad, not to mention going there to make her lunch in the first place!

I have been up and down emotionally this week, but better toward the end of the week.  We had a fun assembly at school on Thursday (BMX bike demo), and I had Friday off.  I did my Korean tutor lesson Friday, my second full lesson, and really enjoyed it.  I had come up with an opening sentence for three different topics, so she helped me fix up what I was saying and tried to guide me through some follow-ups.  I hope to do another one during my Thanksgiving break.  I also did my second session tutoring the little boy, and also enjoyed that a lot.  HIs family is paying a pretty penny for that, so I really want to be worth it!

The beginning of the week was bad because my son in Korea had some freak thing happen with the right side of his jaw.  It make a loud popping noise and eventually got so swollen and painful that he went to the hospital.  That side of his jaw shifted down and forward, so his molars are not lined up.  They said he may have crushed a disc, but it was too swollen to see.  He is on anti-inflammatory and pain meds, and goes back Wed for an xray.  If the disc is crushed, they said there is only a 30% chance of his jaw re-aligning.  So, something else to cause us all tremendous worry.  He read more online and thinks that if the disc is not crushed, they may be able to shove it back into place, so I am praying for that.

I did not do a lot of exercise this week, and no walks, plus ate lots of bad stuff at school.  There was a baby shower with a table full of goodies, then the vice-principal went on a baking spree and brought in a table full of cakes and cookie bars.  I had a terrible headache Thursday and into Friday, so I took Tylenol and I think that actually helped my pulled muscle a bit too.  I am hopeful that I will get in all my morning cardio this coming week, and my Tuesday walk with my friends.  

How did the Massanutten trip go for your girls?  The weather was good!  I hope they had a great time, and I hope you got a break before your tumble. 

Did the pizza and game night work out?  I am hoping so!  I hope you avoided the candy at work better than I avoided the cakes, cookies, and donuts!  

I am getting ready to go make shepherd's pie, which I have not made in a while.  I like to use ground lamb, which I can't always find around here, but I had some in the freezer and found more at the store.  When the boys were still here, I always used our biggest cast iron skillet and made a big pan of it since everyone liked it.  I still do that now, and then have some to freeze.  I figure, if I am going to all that trouble, might as well still make a big one!

I hope you are feeling better and healing up, my friend!


1 reply
MusicCandy November 12th, 2023

@SadMe70

It looks like we both had an up and down week, my friend. My face looks a lot better, thank you. It didn't hurt much after the initial few hours and I had taken a dual action Advil and an ice pack and slept some. I had to keep explaining it, it was so obvious. I didn't tell Abi, since they were at Massanutten and she would just worry and couldn't help. They did have a good time and came back today. Now my eye is just a little red, but mostly gone.

The news about your son in Korea is distressing I know. It sounds odd that that would happen spontaneously with no injury, but I just never heard of that happening. A crushed disc doesn't sound good and I know you must be worried crazy - so far away. I hear they have good healthcare and you have to hope they are giving the best care possible. I will say a prayer for a good outcome, and for your peace in the storm.

I'm thrilled that your Korean lessons are going well, and that you are enjoying it. also, your tutoring - yea for you! I  know you go above and beyond, if they can afford it, that's good for you and the child too. My piano students are doing well too ,now that they have the piano it is more fun for them. 

I did get most of my exercise last week even thought the morning walks with Rachael didn't happen as routine. I walked extra one day and did other exercises the other ones. The trees are beautiful and there are dirt roads nearby that have  little traffic  so that is a nice part of the walk. But, like you, I was tired a lot and that's when I ear more candy and cookies, and I did that. also, I went back to a glass of wine every night - just no strength to do differently. I wish I absolutely knew that if I cut it out completely my cholesterol would normalize, but I don't know that. I'd have to quit longer than I did and then repeat the lab workJust not now!

Pizza and game night didn't happen, and that was fine with me. We are going to have a Thanksgiving Day potluck at church- Rachael's Dad will make a turkey and dressing. He does that for a bunch if his friends already and he will love to do it. It will be some amount of work for me, but with people bringing sides, it will be nice for those folds who might ordinarily eat alone, or not get a meal even.  I'll have help and I still have to come to work at 3, right after that- others can clean up.  I also have to work 11- 7 this Sunday night extra and Rachael will be home then.  I can manage it since I don't have anything pending for Monday this week and can sleep while she is a day support. Gotta end one day though. STILL  -Social Security no progress and its been over 3 months, It looks like I have to take another morning and go back in  person -- annoying. 

I hope your shepherds pie turns out delicious. And you have your chai tomorrow, something to look forward to, I hope you feel up to a little exercise this week and maybe most of the treats will be gone. I hid a bunch in my locker   -haha.  till next time.


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SadMe70 OP November 18th, 2023

Hi there, another mixed week for me.  I didn't get too close to depression, but I slept badly a few nights and did not exercise much.  Candy at school Thurs and Friday and I ate a lot of it.  I bought pizza for last night's dinner.  I did walk twice this week and do my yoga class.  My muscle feels slightly better this week but not healed.  I am itching to do the harder cardio videos and walk some hills!

My son had his checkup with the dentist on Wednesday, and the disc is "slipped" out of place, thus causing the misalignment of teeth.  They think he has been clenching his jaw at night and slowly damaging it, and apparently he yawned widely and it must have been just enough force to finish off the job.  With the swelling down, he has less pain but it's not all gone.  The prognosis is not good.  There is no good treatment, and only 30% chance of it realigning itself.  I am so distressed, not only by this problem, but the fact that he is so stressed out that he is clenching his teeth at night.  I was at least somewhere around 40 before I started having all my jaw and neck problems.  Thank you for your prayers for him!

We will see my older son and his wife for Thanksgiving.  My husband has cleaned some of his junk out of the living room, and I will have to help him finish it Mon and Tues.  I am dreading it.  Then Wed I will do some cooking, which I do look forward to (mainly the pumpkin pie!).  Tomorrow I am driving up to Baltimore and back to have lunch with my mom.  I am not looking forward to 5 hours of driving, but very much looking forward to being able to see her.

Today we are going to work on another household project that has been in the works for months.  In our kitchen, we have a thing hanging from the ceiling for pots and pans.  We have 4 cast iron skillets there, along with lighter stuff, but we are getting damage to the ceiling from the weight.  So, those 4 skillets have been sitting on my stove for months, in the way.  We have a recessed double window in the kitchen, and the sides of the recessed wall are about a foot and a half deep.  We are going to mount boards on those to hang these pans.  My husband has cut them and put a pretty edge on them.  I think today we are staining them and hanging them.  I am not handy and dread this also, but I really want it done!

On Monday I will meet my tutoring student, and on Friday I will be the student with my Korean tutor.  I am looking forward to both.  I am happy that your piano teaching is going well!  It's such a great feeling to teach a child - I am glad we both have the opportunity to do that, and to hopefully make their lives better/happier!

I am so glad that your face is healing!  I hope that by this week, it is mostly or completely healed!  Did you get some walks this week? Your dirt road walking around sounds perfect!  It is definitely pretty out there now, and the weather was pretty good for walking!  I certainly understand eating sweets and drinking wine when you don't have the strength to change it.  You've been doing so well lately, drinking your tea at night and not too many sweets, and it's frustrating when that doesn't happen.  It's so hard when we are tired. 

I hear you about the cholesterol too - mine was slightly high on my labs this year after many years of being excellent.  I had not changed my diet much, so I think it's the drop in my estrogen.  I am finding out so many things that estrogen affects, that I never knew about until they all started going wrong in my body.  Like you, I can't find it in me to stop drinking alcohol because I don't think that's the main culprit.  We need that bit of mental health boost that a glass of wine brings.  I hope you had fewer cookie temptations put in your way this week, and I know you will get back to tea over wine when you can!

Sorry about the pizza and game night, but the potluck sounds great!  That is such a nice thing for people who have no one to celebrate with, or as you say, would get no meal at all.  How did that go? Our vice principal invited any staff who have nowhere else to go, to join her family on Thanksgiving Day.  I thought that was a very nice offer.  It's nice that your ex is making the turkey!  That, and the gravy from the drippings, is the one part I have never done and don't want to.  Cooking a big piece of meat is not my forte! I will stick to the sides and dessert! Will you be off on Thanksgiving Day or do you have to work? 

Ugh on the Soc Sec!  I can't say I am surprised, but that is so frustrating for you!  What a pain to have to go back to the office again, too.  Fingers crossed that you can get it worked out soon!

The shepherds pie was great!  We had it for dinner two nights, and I have one more dinner's worth in the freezer.  

I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  You are definitely on my list of things I am thankful to have in my life.  To have a place to share the good things, but also to vent my fears, frustrations, anger, etc. to someone who understands and encourages me has been so helpful to me all these years that we have been friends!  I have so much to be thankful for, but I need a place to air my dark side too.  Thank you, my friend!!



2 replies
MusicCandy November 18th, 2023

@SadMe70TEST, I DONT TRUST THIS OTHERWISE

MusicCandy November 18th, 2023

@SadMe

OK, the test went through so I think I'm good to go!  So nice to get all your news - a bright spot for me. 

first , I just had a nice dinner here at work, trying to ward off the cravings for cookies and candy. I planned ahead at the store and brought packaged salad, carrots, celery, apple and ate some of that. You turned me on to trying Indian food, and I got prepacked Tasty Bite brand entrees. I had the coconut curry chickpeas that I added some spinach from my salad pack, in the microwave and it was SO warm, spicy, but not too much and comforting, and I'm full. enough in the package for 2 servings. The crew brought chex mix and I had a fair amount of that yesterday. Man, that soup opened up my sinuses. Thanks for the tip!

Ra and I did get our exercise almost every day plus the gym in the evening. I just can't function otherwise. I'm glad you got some exercise this week, even though it is frustrating to not be able to do what you really enjoy. I hope for you that it all heals up soon. Everything healed with me, i knew it would.  I had my annual this week, and she didn't have much to offer me except what I'm already doing. There is a LDL new drug study enrolling and the Richmond group is full now, but i may be added if they allow more. I'd love to try anything, placebo or not. It is not a statin and i'm waiting to hear back. I did a study like that for Fosamax when it first came out, and it was actually kind of fun to be part of research. I take generic Fosamax , and have for years and so far my osteopenia has not progressed.   I get the estrogen problem, menopause did a number on me too and you may look into a natural hormone replacement if it gets too bad -- don't  wait as long as I did and stay miserable. 

I'm so very sorry about your son's teeth issue. It does make sense that the teeth grinding could cause it, but my goodness, we think there should be a good treatment for everything. I'll keep praying. 

I hope you have a safe and relaxing time with your Mom. I have a busy week ahead. shelter meal to fix Monday and then get ready for the church dinner. People will bring stuff, so I don't have to cook a lot but i will make sweet potatoes, they are easy to roast in the over and everyone likes them. I'll go to the Hall Wednesday and set up the table , settings and decorations. I'm so happy that I didn't listen to that one nay-sayer ( I'm too afraid to rock the boat and I always think my opinion isn't as good as someone else's) but as another friend started it- now more people are coming, and some not members of our church. That makes me REALLY happy. Rachael's Dad makes the tenderest turkey you ever had, and we will be blessed. He also showed me how to make drippings gravy, and it is easy.

He takes the drippings first in the pan, cast iron preferable, and just heat it up , stirring constantly, until it is "crispy", still stirring ( wooden spoon) ,add the flour, a couple of tablespoons I think, stir, stir, and THEN add hot chicken or vegetable bouillon, maybe from the box Swanson and keep stirring. It can be as thick or thin as you want but it never fails. You can sauté onions/garlic too if you like and add it. Salt and pepper to taste.   Personally, I don't try to make pies, but good for you! My favorite is  sweet potato or pumpkin, I can't tell the difference. Of course any dessert is fine with me.

I will host the dinner at church and then go to work, for the first of 3 double shifts at 3PM. I have the time. I love Thanksgiving so much more than Christmas, but the church is getting gifts for the Shelter and that is good. I made a board with felt ornaments with each person's name. age and their wish list. Everyone liked it set up that way, so they just take a name and get a gift, like the Angel Trees.  The Vestry is going to have the party so I'm thinking up the best excuse I can , it will likely be a white lie. forgive me Jesus. 

I just had a patient request, so back to the grind. I am also so grateful to exchange little diary notes with you. It is remarkable how much we understand each other, joys and heartache too. Try to keep from slipping into depression any way you can. and oh BTW, I am getting back to my very little wine and enjoying the tea again. It helps me sleep better and I try to remember that when I'm tempted. You are a bright spot in so many lives, try to remember that, as I do know that is true.


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SadMe70 OP November 25th, 2023

Hello my friend!  I have had a pretty good week mentally.  Last Sunday's lunch with my mom and aunt definitely gave me a boost.  I tutored on Monday.  We cleaned up the house without a huge fight on Tuesday, and I cooked a lot on Wednesday.  Looking forward to my son and DIL coming here for Thanksgiving helped a lot.  It was lovely having them here, and we invited a friend who was going to be alone.  I think everyone enjoyed themselves.  On Friday, I had a Korean lesson.  Today I have been running errands all day. 

I even bought a tree, albeit a tied up one from Food Lion (sadly there are no more Christmas tree farms nearby).  I did not have one last year, since I was still devastated by the news about the move to Korea, and even in other recent years, only had a tree a few times.  I am excited about it this year.  Of course, my ornaments are in the attic, and the pulldown stairs are completely blocked by more piles of *someone's* stuff in the boys' old bedroom.  I told him I needed to get up there tomorrow since I go back to work Monday.  We will see! 

Eating and exercise, well those were not so good!  I even had chai most days, which is full of sugar.  There's always next week...

It sounds like you made a great plan for meals last week!  The Indian dish sounds right up my alley!  I am glad you enjoyed it!  And got your sinuses opened up as a bonus :-)  Will you get more of those meals? I wish I could make you a cup of chai to go with it!

I am glad you also got plenty of exercise.  I hope you can this week as well, though it is getting chilly for walks.  My Tuesday walking friends usually try to keep going, even if we just get 40 or so minutes in before dark.

Did you get into the drug study?  I hope that you did, and that it goes well like the last one you did. I am glad your ostopenia has not progressed - that is good news!  I wanted a bone density baseline done at 50, but they have changed the guidelines apparently, so I didn't qualify.  Great job getting back to less wine and more tea!  I knew you could do it!  

I'm having a new thing going on that I am attributing to hormones also.  I don't think I mentioned this, but forgive me if I did!  I have not had actual hot flashes, but recently, I get hot all of a sudden and then cold again. I am not flushed and sweating, so I am thinking of them as baby hot flashes.  It is worse at night, which is not helping my already poor sleep!  

How did your church meal go?  Did lots of people attend?  I hope you got some help setting up, etc.  Did people bring in enough food?  I am also glad you did not listen to the person who didn't want to do it - it sounds wonderful, makes you happy, and lots of others too!

My husband was in charge of the turkey and the gravy.  I have never cooked either one!  How did your gravy turn out?  My pumpkin pie turned out well.  I also did cranberry sauce, stuffing, and (lumpy) mashed potatoes.

How did all your double shifts go?  I am sorry you did not have Thanksgiving Day off, since it is so special for you, but as always, I am grateful that there are people like you out there, willing to sacrifice your time to care for injured people.  Your work for the shelter is amazing too, and making up the gift board is wonderful.  I think that your reward for all your hard work should be that you don't have to go to the party!!

I'll end up my Thanksgiving week the same way I started - being thankful to have you to listen to my good and bad news, with understanding and no judgement.  

I hope the dinner went well, and that you have had a good week!


MusicCandy November 26th, 2023

HELLO, dear one,

I just re-read your message and LOL about the reward for the gift organizing --'m sure I wouldn't go to it anyway. I am over going places and doing things I don't want to, unless I absolutely have to. My Mother is gone, and that was a lot of the "I don't wannas", but I did it anyway to keep the peace.  I'm glad you have a close relationship with your Mom, and sisters and that you had a nice visit. 

It sounds like you had a lovely dinner with your family and friend-  good for you inviting them. I would love some of your chai and pumpkin pie too. I made sweet potatoes, roasted in the oven and I whipped up half with lots of spices and marshmallows on top, like my Grandma made every year. All of both kinds were eaten or taken home. Rachael's Dad made his usual turkey and dressing and it was as moist and delicious as always. He didn't bother with gravy this year, but he did more than enough of the other sides for Abi, Mark, his parents and brother and Rachael at his house. We used the jar gravy, and it was good enough. The best part is Mark's brother is staying straight from drugs and in a halfway house. I pray that keeps working for his family. 

The church dinner was so nice and I am so very happy that I got it organized, Aboiut a dozen folks came and we had more than enough food and good company. 2 people do not go to our church ( one of fiances friends and a prayer partner in our Daughters of the King) Everyone pitched in and it was a beautiful Prayer Service and then dinner. I talked to one of our Docs and she said it right, " you knew you were exactly where you should be". I definitely was and i hope we can do that every year. I miss going to N. C. with my Dad which was our tradition, this was next best.

We do our best with the eating and exercise, I slipped a little with the wine, I ran out of melatonin, and that was my go-to to relax for sleep. but I didn't overdo it and my sleep was OK. I believe I will get in the cholestrol study- waiting for a call back next week. I really want to ,so we will see. I still have the rest of tonight to work and then 3 to 11 Sunday, but it hasn't been too busy so far. I am working on more church stuff, and that is free time that I put to good use while getting paid. I did most of my stairs yesterday. It was FREEZING when I left this morning, so I hope it gets a little warmer or at least sunshine next week. Rachael and I walk unless it is REALLY cold and no sun. 

Looking back at your past year, I think you have come a long way. Tutoring, and taking Korean language lessons, and managing a holiday meal and even getting a tree !  That is remarkable and I think you are the bomb for having a good attitude, even though things still aren't perfect. Praying for your son's mouth issues , on my list. 

I planned another Fellowship event at church and got the flyers done last night. Our Pastor has a Bible Study Wednesdays at 10:30 and about a dozen people come. I can't because of Rachael's ride, but it is a favorite thing for Pastor. She has gone through so much with the 3 cancers but so far she is making it through the days. I wanted to do something that would include her so I planned a catered lunch mid December right after her Bible Study and then a Cookie Exchange. We were under budget for the food last event ,( I donated a lot of it)- but now we have funds for a nice lunch with Ukrops catering like before.  I put up a sign up list for the lunch, so people better write their names if they want to participate-- I'm not buying for 40 if 15 sign up, and too bad, They have 2 weeks. 

Mostly things are OK, thankful for all my blessings, thankful for our talks, more than anyone else.