Afraid to eat birthday cake
I haven't been getting birthday cakes the last few years because I watch my figure and want to maintain it. The only dessert I really let myself have is 72% cacao, or peanut butter cups. Those are "safe". I'm 4'11" and 96 lbs, but 5 pounds looks like a lot on me so I really try to watch it. I'm kind of oversheltered and overprotected, I live with my parents and they won't let me rollerskate or cycle or go for walks in the neighborhood so there's only so much exercise I can get doing squats in my room but I try. I'm naturally curvy so more weight will look chubby and unflattering on me, so I'm afraid of eating any kind of "junk" food. We had Italian at my favorite restaurant last night and they served me a scoop of spumoni ice cream, so I didn't get into my birthday cake last night. I wasn't going to get a cake, because it's only my parents and I and I know my mom will just not touch it and I can't eat the whole thing by myself. But she asked me, "Do you really want to look back on your life and regret not having birthday cakes or celebrating yourself?" and I guess it got to me because I'm afraid of dying and I value my life. So I sat down with her and we designed a 6" round Baskin Robbins ice cream cake together, chocolate cake with Reese's ice cream and pink frosting. But I kind of don't want it because I don't need the empty calories or fat and being limited in activity... it's gonna go straight to my butt/thighs/hips and it's gonna be hard to work it off and get "clean" again. That's what I'm worried about. What should I do? We didn't get into it last night because I was too full from dinner and nobody seemed to be interested in having cake, so I was thinking about getting into it tonight but... I just don't know. I feel like it would be irresponsible and disrespectful to my body, and at the same time I think I deserve something nice... I'm conflicted. If I lived alone where nobody would find out, I'd give it to other family or let someone else have it to save myself the carbs and sugar. I'm just really sad. I felt lonely on my birthday anyway, like it was nothing special. Did I really NEED a cake? When my mom first asked me if I wanted one, I asked if I have to have a cake and she sighed and looked really sad, turned around, walked away and said ".....no........." like she was let down or disappointed, so I gave it a second thought and cracked. I'm just nervous about it and feel guilty for putting something in my body I shouldn't. It serves 6 to 8 and she doesn't like chocolate, so I might be alone in eating this or have a slice for 4 days. Isn't that a lot? I'm so afraid of weight gain. Given my special living conditions and the paranoid way my parents are, I can't work it off like a normal person. I just don't know what to do and this makes me sad. I don't really feel like I even deserve a cake or anything anyway, I'm not that important and don't have any friends irl or a big family. I don't know why I SHOULD be eating cake. My birthday doesn't feel like a special day anymore and hasn't for a while. It's a very pretty cake, probably the nicest I've had in years but... is it worth it? I don't want my mom to have wasted $25 either...
@laceandpaperflowers
Hi there Laceandpaperflowers! Welcome to the Healthy Living community. Thank you for sharing your post.
Sounds like you are having some really challenging thoughts on this matter?.... First lets talk about the exercise part. Is there a reason you aren't "allowed" to exercise as you say "like a normal person"? What about a simple "walk"? Around your neighborhood? Would your mom, or dad or a relative be willing to go with you on a walk to help support you and wanting to live a more active lifestyle? Have you spoke with them about it and about how you feel? Perhaps you could try to talk with them, like you just did here in your post. Talk with your mom about how this matter makes you feel and your wanting to be able to exercise and get in more activity. Point out the facts and benefits of "Regular" exercise on the body. Afterall, "Everyone" if physically able to do so, should be 'Active' in some way daily... or at least several times aweek.
Next: If the above is not an option for you, perhaps you could find "Online" exercise and activity that you would enjoy!.. There are plenty of videos to watch on Youtube.com or PopSugarFitness.com .... there are videos for everything from Walking in place, to Dancing and even more high intense workouts that you could do right in the comfort of your own home!... So even if you are unable to get outside and workout the way you want, there are plenty of other options that you can choose from!
Next: Regarding the birthday cake. If having the cake is something that you are choosing not to do, because you "Really, Truly" do not want it or want to eat it, then there is no problem with that. You are not wrong in the way that you feel. If you feel that you would only be eating the birthday cake for "your mom" or really "anyone else but yourself" then perhaps you should stick with what "you" are feeling. Your feelings in this matter, and you don't have to be swayed by what "others" want for you!... Its your body, its your health and if you feel that eating cake would not have a positive impact on your health then its ok for you to feel those feelings.
If you on the other hand really feel like you would want at least "one" piece of cake, "one" piece pre-portioned really is not going to hurt anyone unless you are physically allergic to the ingredients or unable to have it for some unknown health reason...... Also, if you don't like chocolate, and your mother buys chocolate, perhaps discuss your feelings about the chocolate cake and maybe make her aware that you aren't interested in the flavor of it. You might also perhaps discuss with her that you feel its too much, and that you feel it would be a waste of money because you know that it won't all be eaten. Afterall, if you know that "she" isn't going to have any, and you know that "you" don't want it , or to end up eating it all, then it sounds like you have really thought it over, and are just choosing to make healthier choices for yourself!.........
There are also other options to choose from as well, if the cake is really an issue. You could perhaps look into Vegan cake, or Organic cakes, Cakes with no artifical ingredients or chemicals etc..... Non GMO etc.... they are out there. Not sure where you are in the world, but you could perhaps look them up, to see if they fit your lifestyle? Also, you could perhaps even look at simply getting a "Cupcake"!?!... A MUCH smaller version of a cake, with a candle in it, blow it out, celebrate, even just cut it in half and eat only a portion of it, and share the other half with your mom, someone else, or simply throw it away!....
A birthday should be a happy time, and special occasion to "Celebrate" YOU and the "Day" itself.... It should be a wonderful occasion to be shared with others around you that you care for, and who care for you. Not to agonize over a piece of cake!.... So consider all of your options available to you, and think it through. And Remember that no matter "What" you decide, its going to be ok! You will not be wrong in "Your choice for yourself!".... Good Luck and enjoy your birthday!
@PoliteOcean Hi, thanks for reading this!
Yes, the reason I'm not allowed outside is because my parents are terrified I'll get kidnapped. They're very paranoid people, I have been told anxiety is a genetic issue in our family and my aunts and grandma have all suffered horrible panic attacks and were able to recognize when I had my first one... but I think it's because my mom watches too many Lifetime and Dateline programs getting ideas. I'm smart enough to know how to protect myself and look around, but my parents don't share that same opinion for whatever reason. I just think they're too paranoid. My aunt knows this and just laughs at my mom.
I was in a very sad, upset state of mind a few days ago. I felt lonely, emotionally abandoned by my family and friends and I do struggle with pretty crushing self esteem issues, something that's never changed since the 7th grade (I'm 24 now, go to community college but still live with mom because a part time job isn't enough to pay both bills and groceries. Her house, her rules, that whole thing). I'm feeling a lot better today though, and I love the cake so much I may eat a slice every day until it's gone. It's so delicious, I think the best birthday cake I've had in years and I can still enjoy it without gaining weight! MyFitnessPal helped me balance my meals so that it won't do any damage and I found a 30-minute squat workout on YouTube that doesn't require any gym equipment... I'm feeling it!
Thank you for being so kind, compassionate and understanding. :) Sometimes it's just hard to deal with these thoughts because I have no one to tell them to. My best friend will get triggered and upset with me for being negative and shut me out until she's in a better mood and my mom's "sick of hearing about it". I think 7 Cups is great!
@laceandpaperflowers
Hey there! I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling much better today! And that your thoughts are in a "better" place 
.
Good for you that you decided to eat the cake and enjoy for yourself! It's also awesome to hear that you were able to find some online activities that you are enjoying! Great job at being proactive about that as well as deciding to do MyFitnessPal! That is an excellent choice in helping you to keep tabs on everything in a positive way. Continue to keep up the great work!
Its really good that you are finding 7CUPS to be beneficial for you... we are always here to support you! Feel free to check in with us and let us know how you are doing here in the Healthy Living community. We do a weekly check-in every week ... (today as a matter of fact) I'm getting ready to post soon!...
Let us know how you are doing!.. And once again, great job on finding a "happy medium" that is working for you!
