Member-Member Interaction Tips
Why do members join 7cups? To get support.
Each of us on our member accounts has come here to get support. We are struggling in ourselves, some way or the other.
With that in mind, the following should make a lot of sense:
1. If a fellow member is not nice to you, it is not because of you. It is their mental struggle speaking.
2. Thus, forgive them for their flaws and look out for good in your fellow member.
3. Step away when a member's behaviour gets uncomfortable or triggering for you, but without holding a personal grudge.
4. When someone is particularly kind and supportive to you, focus on them and let them know you appreciate them.
5. If you are in a position to do that, look to support the members who are genuinely seeking support and a hug.
6. Bookmark and put to use the Member Appreciation/Report Form (clickable). Appreciate good behaviour, and report the wrong one.
7. A behaviour could be good or bad, ugly or beautiful, regardless of it we believe each person carries the potential to emerge and grow as a fragrant flower -in the community and in their life.
@Fristo
Wow! Such an amazing post!! And tbh I really needed this cause I'm a member.
so yeah Thank you so much Fristo✨
@Fristo
Thanks for this thread. Being human isn't always easy... not easy to be or easy to interact with others when we are bleeding emotionally. I signed up just 2 days after my son died. I'm sure I wasn't 'all there' as I stumbled around this site for the first time...and maybe I made a few mistakes. Don't know. Just mentioning this because you never know what a person is going through when you interact with them here.
The golden rule is what I feel is the most important 'go-to' guide when we make mistakes or someone emotionally bumps us the wrong way. I appreciate all the patience others have shown me as I've tried to work through my grief while learning how to navigate this site.
@Fristo
It's easy to collect bad baggage. I heard this saying a long time ago regarding forums and advice. There is so much good stuff to learn, a bad post could derail that and we don't ever want that to happen. "Take the Best and Leave the Rest"❤️
@Fristo Thank you for this post. This came at a good time tbh. I had someone tell me just yesterday that members aren't allowed to offer or provide support to other members 😕 It might sound stupid but things like that mess with my head and I end up convincing myself I'm doing something wrong and might send the wrong message to other people who may have read it - but the whole purpose of cups is to offer support to one another
I hope that person reads this thread
@mytwistedsoul
I was really, really, really confused about this too untill I realized and understood the concept of a "LISTENER". It takes practice to be a Good Listener One of the practices is NOT to give advice, opinions or try to solve the persons problems. (Sounds Crazy... Right? I thought so too) But then I studied and learned It's to be there to Listen, be empathedtic and kind, give the person space to talk without changing the subject or hijacking the convesation. With that said, That is being a good Listener but being a caring person also, we do try to guide people in a helpful direction. It's only natural. Understanding the concept, I've become a better person because of it and am a lot more aware when someone wants advice or just wants to vent. It is really hard to hear someone suffering without trying to give a solution... really hard but that's what Good Listeners are great at. This site has many amazing listeners and members, and together always moving forward.
I really hope this helped clear some confusion.😃 and didn't cause more😳
@IsayUncle
That does make sense... but what has the concept of being a listener to do with this,if I may ask? The problem seemed to be that someone suggested the MEMBERS on here (and not the listeners) should not give SUPPORT (and not advice) to another member.
So it was not about listeners not giving advice to anyone. It was 5he statement that members are not allowed to support another member on here.
So I'm glad his post exists because it's talking about member-to-member communication without confusing it with the ole of a listener on here and the way a listener is supposed to behave. And in my opinion member-to-member peer support is an important thing on this website because it's often the members that can really understand each other and relate with each other's story, so it's crucial to actually encourage their communication with one another in the forums. =)
😌@suBSea
Very good points! First off... I do not think the phrase "Not supposed to" was intended literally as a rule or a law. It is kind of harsh though; but maybe mis-spoken or mis-interpeted. Secondly... The listener part of the convesation is is very important because as members we "listen" to other members so I was not refering to to the "Certified Listeners" I was talking about us becoming better listeners. Thirdly.... I do not think the 7-Cups police will citation you for offering advice and suggestions. (just kidding a bit)😌. You have to do what feels right to you to help others and if it's helping , then great, If it's not re-examine and redirect your good energy. It's really great that you asked about this and I get it. It's important to understand because you don't want to doubt youself when sharing your helpfulness. There is definitly a balance between listening and advising and sometimes listening does a world of good but so does thoughtful advice. As members we listen too and I use to be horrible at it and everybody in my personal world disliked me. I'm enjoying and benifitting learning how to listen better.... But i'm just a member talkng to you; another member. AND SHARING tons of advice... OMG! It's ok. 😜💚
@IsayUncle Thank you for your reply :) Tbh - I knew about not giving advice - mainly because that adds a level of responsibility I don't want. There's too many ways that can go wrong and I try to walk gently here. I offer encouragement and understanding with no judgement. I sometimes ask alot of questions if I don't fully understand something and I'm not afraid to do some research so I do understand something better. We're all fighting our own battles but if we can walk together for a while that walk is less lonely. Guidance can be a good thing - especially if it's something that we've gone through ourselves. We might tell someone what we tried and ask what the other person might think about it - if it might be something that would be helpful to them - believe me - I'm extremely cautious with what I say
In the time that I've been here - this is the first time I've been told that members cannot offer or provide support to other members. My reply was that members are capable of offering and providing support and encouragement to other members in the forums. That's basically what the purpose of the forums is for. The reply back was that members are not allowed to provide or receive support from other members. If there's a misunderstanding it was the other person's not mine. The concern was that this was a newbie forum and it sends a mixed message to anyone who might see it - because if we aren't allowed to give or receive support from one another then there's no point in being here. Not everyone is comfortable talking privately with a listener and the forums offer a broader range of input and different povs. Plus its a great way to get to know people and make friends
It's nice to meet you :)
@mytwistedsoul
Nice to meet you too. for what it's worth, I think you have the right idea. Hopefully they'll read this thread and consider a common approach on the matter to share with Newbies.
Have a great day❤️💚
@mytwistedsoul You have long been a supportive member here and often know what to say when I have been lost for words in response to someone in the forum!
Definitely no reason for you to worry about the support you have given to other members!
Some people are just very confused about the various roles and activities people can (and in some cases cannot) do!
@AffyAvo Affy - Idk what to say except Thank you
@Fristo
Fabuolous!
@Fristo
Thankyou, for addressing this, Fristo, you're so quick at work lol. I'm always impressed! xD ❤
If you don't keep it simple here, keep making this sound technically tangled up with words...I'm afraid you're going to loose some hurting members who don't need complexity. They just need someone to care, to listen and to give words of honest hearted comfort. I keep the general rules in mind but I don't take the spontaneity of simplicity out of it...like I pray sometimes when I see a member post a complicated story of pain. I let my higher power, higher self, my angels guide me in supporting this precious hurting soul.
KISS - yeah, very old there, but it still works... Keep It Simple ... well, I'll change the last word from a grandma's perspective... Sweetie. ❤️😊
@EmbStitcher33
I aree 100%. I do get a bit wordy but KISS is best. Simply Try to Understand and be Caring.
P.S. I like S = Sweetie.
@Fristo
Thank you for this lovely reminder, Fristo! The one point to really emphasize is that even we, as members, can support our fellow members who are going through a difficult time. Like you said, we can listen and support members whenever we are in the right mindset, and you don't have to be a listener to do so.
And it is also important to be understanding that members come on here when they are going through mental struggles or are just going through a really difficult time in their lives, and they may not have the nicest exterior. But that doesn't make them a bad person- they deserve to be recognized, cared for, and loved just like the rest of us.
One of the main issues that have come to my attention was the fact that members who are going through especially difficult times are being ignored or disrespected in group chats. The one root of this issue is personal grudges- that tends to influence how members are treated, and thus their overall experience on cups. We shouldn't focus on faults, but on the positive side of others, which you most wonderfully highlighted here. ❤️
Hard sometimes to know if a member is just lurking or is trying to join in a chat sometimes. So that's why I'm thankful for great moderators here on 7 Cups. But wouldn't be a bad thing to try and pull a quiet chatter in. Maybe they're shy. Maybe they don't know what to say? A simple open-ended question might help draw them out. That's how I was when I first joined. . .
@Fristo Awsome post. A little kindness never hurt anyone.