Learning how to take responsibility and adopt healthy values
I've always, in some way or another, trying to be a victim, so I can blame on people around. That made me a selfish and intensely self-centered person....
I am making this thread to expose some of my thoughts with you and also talk. We can share opinions. :3
I want to ask: Do you have toxic values that also make you feel mielserable?
P.s: By values I mean things or belifs or assumptions that are toxic and unhealthy but you hold.
@Fkinsadclown
Everyone occasionally falls into the victim role or other bad roles I think.
I remember a phase I went through blaming others for my unhappiness and situation in life. I'm so happy I got over that type of thinking.
I found the video below helps me to understand the victim role and other so called "drama triangle" roles as named by psychologist Dr. Karpman.
I also like the better alternative roles explained by the video.
So now that I know about the bad drama triangle roles, I can spot them and avoid them by taking on the better roles instead.
@7motivation can you explain more "replacing bad roles" by good ones? What does that mean?
@Fkinsadclown
to me...
"replacing bad roles... with... good roles means"
stop acting in a dysfunctional way that keeps one stuck or makes the situation worse,
and start acting in effective way that enables one to make progress and makes the situation better.
I'm somewhere in between wanting to blame things on someone/something and taking the blame all on me... And that never makes sense to me. The negative trait about me is that I push people away, no matter what I'll always find a way to kick people out of my life and I hate that. It's like I'll ruin everything that I touch ;-;. I'm learning not to let that side of me affect the relationships that I have, it's gonna take a long time I know but hey atleast I'm trying :). We all learn from our past so good luck to you and me both!!
@ChasingShadows I also tend, sometimes, to push people away from me. If I am being honest, I do that mostly because I think it's all about me: People only focus on me. They represent harm. So I must protect myself. When in reality, no one really cares 😂 that realization made me somewhat less self-absorbed. But yeah
@Fkinsadclown Same xD I keep telling myself to stop acting like I'm the center of the universe. Honestly I do it to protect myself too. I get way too attached to people and it hurts so bad when they leave so as a solution <: I make them leave before they can even think about leaving me.
@ChasingShadows
Personally, I was always emotionally depending on others. Like if I am sad, I expect to be there for me as an obligation. When I don't find that kind of "support", I want to make them cause they "hurt" me. Man reading that now, it was toxic and unhealthy. Like for real I was the toxic person
@Fkinsadclown them*
@Fkinsadclown it's not easy to acknowledge your mistakes or recognise your faults so I'm really proud of you for doing that. I understand and need to change things for myself too. To be able to stand on my own. We need to let go of unrealistic expectations e_e