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Learning how to take responsibility and adopt healthy values

Fkinsadclown November 29th, 2020

I've always, in some way or another, trying to be a victim, so I can blame on people around. That made me a selfish and intensely self-centered person....

I am making this thread to expose some of my thoughts with you and also talk. We can share opinions. :3

I want to ask: Do you have toxic values that also make you feel mielserable?

P.s: By values I mean things or belifs or assumptions that are toxic and unhealthy but you hold.

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7motivation November 29th, 2020

@Fkinsadclown

Everyone occasionally falls into the victim role or other bad roles I think.

I remember a phase I went through blaming others for my unhappiness and situation in life. I'm so happy I got over that type of thinking.

I found the video below helps me to understand the victim role and other so called "drama triangle" roles as named by psychologist Dr. Karpman.

I also like the better alternative roles explained by the video.

So now that I know about the bad drama triangle roles, I can spot them and avoid them by taking on the better roles instead.

http://nicertube.com/q80ns0

2 replies
Fkinsadclown OP November 29th, 2020

@7motivation can you explain more "replacing bad roles" by good ones? What does that mean?

1 reply
7motivation November 30th, 2020

@Fkinsadclown

to me...

"replacing bad roles... with... good roles means"

stop acting in a dysfunctional way that keeps one stuck or makes the situation worse,

and start acting in effective way that enables one to make progress and makes the situation better.

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November 30th, 2020

I'm somewhere in between wanting to blame things on someone/something and taking the blame all on me... And that never makes sense to me. The negative trait about me is that I push people away, no matter what I'll always find a way to kick people out of my life and I hate that. It's like I'll ruin everything that I touch ;-;. I'm learning not to let that side of me affect the relationships that I have, it's gonna take a long time I know but hey atleast I'm trying :). We all learn from our past so good luck to you and me both!!

5 replies
Fkinsadclown OP November 30th, 2020

@ChasingShadows I also tend, sometimes, to push people away from me. If I am being honest, I do that mostly because I think it's all about me: People only focus on me. They represent harm. So I must protect myself. When in reality, no one really cares 😂 that realization made me somewhat less self-absorbed. But yeah

4 replies
November 30th, 2020

@Fkinsadclown Same xD I keep telling myself to stop acting like I'm the center of the universe. Honestly I do it to protect myself too. I get way too attached to people and it hurts so bad when they leave so as a solution <: I make them leave before they can even think about leaving me.

3 replies
Fkinsadclown OP November 30th, 2020

@ChasingShadows

Personally, I was always emotionally depending on others. Like if I am sad, I expect to be there for me as an obligation. When I don't find that kind of "support", I want to make them cause they "hurt" me. Man reading that now, it was toxic and unhealthy. Like for real I was the toxic person

2 replies
Fkinsadclown OP November 30th, 2020

@Fkinsadclown them*

1 reply
November 30th, 2020

@Fkinsadclown it's not easy to acknowledge your mistakes or recognise your faults so I'm really proud of you for doing that. I understand and need to change things for myself too. To be able to stand on my own. We need to let go of unrealistic expectations e_e

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