'Will My Grief Ever End?'
"People often ask me, "Will my grief ever end?" The answer is yes, but it will most likely change you forever, and it’s going to take time. I know that’s the last thing you want to hear, but it’s the truth.
Losing someone you care about changes you fundamentally. It changes your outlook on the world, and your thoughts about how it "should" work.
However, if you want to help yourself along that path, here are four little-known facts about grief that my clients tell me they find hugely helpful.
- When we lose someone we truly love, it shatters the world as we know it and, as much as we don’t want to hear it, it takes time to rebuild a new life story. In essence, that’s what grieving is about—adapting your life story to include this terrible occurrence, taking time to grow accustomed to their absence, while also addressing the multitude of stressors involved in facing a different future. In essence, there are two processes occurring: we have to adapt to the loss, and we have to adapt to the future without them.
- When clients ask us why it takes so long, we often find it helpful to pose a different question: How long did it take you to love this person in the first place? This helps them understand why grieving cannot be rushed. Love and secure connection take time. Humans are social beings, wired to connect, but having those attachments severed hurts us to our very core, and dismantling that complex web of all the ways we relied on them, and loved them, naturally takes time.
- The good news is that you don’t have to go at your grieving constantly: contemporary grief theory says it’s OK to "oscillate" between facing our grief head-on and drawing back to take a break from the pain and anguish of our loss. That’s not denial, but actually a healthy approach to loss. Dip your toe in the water—sometimes you can go all in, and at other times, just a quick dip is quite enough. This too changes over time. Be kind to yourself. Don’t be pressured by other people’s timelines; go at your own pace.
- You don’t have to sever your connection with the dead, move on, and leave them behind completely; if anything, grieving is about learning to love them in separation. Find ways to keep them present in your world; to honour them and hold them close, while still allowing you to function out there, and slowly grow used to doing it without them.
While there's been much written in the last few years about how long is appropriate to grieve, much of that is academic debate. For most people who come to terms with their grief on their own, it's important to know that there’s no timeline for grieving. As much as we’d like it to be over in a few weeks, months, or even a year, grief works at its own pace. Be patient, expect it to ebb and flow, and most of all, don’t compare yourself to others."
*Grief is this complex, complicated group of feelings that everyone will experience at some point in their lives. While no one wants to go through grief, it means that you experienced love and a deep connection with someone. If you are going through grief, I want you to know that I am sorry, deeply and utterly sorry. The feeling is a tough one to get through and as the article stated, one that doesn't have a specific timeline or correct way to work through. It's important to be kind to yourself in the process and not compare yourself to the ways others may handle grief. I also want to emphasize that grief doesn't have to be just the loss of a person. It can be the loss of a job, a pet, a past you that you miss, or anything in between. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes and there is no right or wrong way to handle it. I want you all to know that the 7 Cups community is here for you to support you in your time of grief, so please don't hesitate to reach out for help! 💗 Have you ever experienced grief? What is something that helped you to ease the pain during your healing?*
#Grief #Loss #Healing
Please find the full article at Psychology Today!
If you liked this article, you may find some hope and motivation in this one! 💗
@fruityPond7887
Grief could be due to any reasons. Specifically the grief that comes after losing someone, I find the hardest to deal with.
For this one particularly, asking if the grief will ever end is like asking if the love will ever end? Will it? Absolutely not. ❤
I like to think of grief for a loved one, as nothing but love with no address to deliver it at, but I'd also like add here that, there *is* an address, it's in our heart, our loved one(s) are forever in our hearts and nopity nope, nothing can ever misplace it.
No timeline to love. No timeline to grieving.
So long the heart beats, the heart hurts, but it also feels the love in every memory, in every little thing that reminds them of their loved one and in every passing thought where our loved one doesn't feel too far gone.
For there can be love in a coffee mug, love can be in a movie, love can be in a random sheet of paper they once said something about~ love can be anywhere we want it to be.
I don't think there's anything that eases the pain really, it's there and always will be, the absence will be felt, the grief comes rushing back, the tears will flow, the voice will start to crack again, the heart ~ it'll hurt again. During these moments, the little comfort that we have is again, the love we have for our loved one in our heart, it'll hug us from the inside and then it'll feel okay to breathe again. Slowly! ❤
Oof and gotta mention time lol, the best healer? Going to deviate from the mainstream, but I don't think time "heals" anything or that time "reduces" grief in any way.
I feel what happens is that we get used to these moments where the grief rushes us, and then over a period of time, we grow around our grief. The grief remains the same. We grow with time. ❤
I love this grief in a jar, and jar being our life analogy!
It comforts me. Also conscious reminders~ "the show must go on". ❤
Sending hugs to everyone coming across. ❤
