Shared Experiences!♡
Hey hey, everyone coming across this post. I hope you're doing well. 💛
Grief and loss, is something I feel most of us have experienced in different forms, with varied intensity of emotions, thoughts and emotional reactions to it.
As earth-shatteringly difficult it is to experience loss of some kind and do not even get me started on loss of a love one hehe (oh but I definitely will come here too💛), or cope with it, I feel something that remotely, I say remotely because I'm not much of the opinion that anything ever truly helps or fills the void in your life and the hole in your heart! (Much love to you if you feel the same and Kudos to you if you found something that helped you in any way💛).
Again, I feel something that *remotely* helps is that we aren't alone in our experiences!
It's not like "seeing someone else in pain makes you feel better about yours", more like "seeing someone feel what you do, say what you cannot and understand what you find incomprehensible somewhere, somehow, in whatever small quantity possible too, makes you feel *seen*, makes your pain feel seen, reminds you that what you experienced is 'worthy' of a reaction from you, also helps you understand your feelings better, because sometimes you're not even sure what to really call that 'sudden feeling of a big lump forming in your throat when you're sitting around people giggling and doing their thing' when everything feels 'okay' around you".
(Apologies for getting carried away haha, I'm not proof-reading this one, and it's just something straight from my heart, hopefully to yours, typos included😅)
Anyway, circling back again, what I find remotely helpful is the idea of shared experiences, of people connected in their grief! Which is why I love reflecting on how someone perceives loss and grief for them, hearing what they have to say about it too!
Sometimes it's these shared experiences, heart felt words and raw emotions that remind me I'm not alone, and a lot of times, this is comforting to know!
Going forward, I'd like to share some quotes I find comforting with the hope that anyone coming across them here can have a little "oh you see it too?" moment, knowing they aren't alone either and someone has had experienced something as they have and stood by to share it with the world also. The massive amount of courage it takes to talk about it, to relive all of it all over again, to be *brave* for comforting someone else! Most people may not even realise how inspiring they are! 💛
Please feel welcome to share any quotes you like that provide you comfort or reflect on any you see here also! 💛
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you for this - it is very helpful. Time and faith helped me to ease the pain, but it is not always easy.
"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." - Vicki Harrison
@SolitaryBird
I'm so glad this was helpful in someway, it's nice how we can continually try at trying different things that might be helpful in easing our pain, it's definitely not easy but we try anyway and I'm so proud of you for trying your best also!
I love this quote, another one of my all-time-favorite-quotes! Swimming together! 💛
"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure."
"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
from The Wonder Years
"It's so curious; One can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses."
~ Colette
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
So beautiful quote, Sunshine 🌞❤ It is very very true. We suppress things when we grief. Thank you for this 🤗❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you for writing this.. We never get over the grief
"So if mortality takes you,
If fate is so unkind,
If forever pulls you apart,
There are a million neurological pathways,
That spell your name in my heart"
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
It is so very beautiful, Sunshine 🌞❤ 🥺❤ I'm saving it! 🤗❤
"millions of neurological pathways that spells your name in my heart"🥺❤
Dear Sun is Shining and So are You!
I love when you write without editing, because I can really get a sense of your mind and how it works, and I like it!
The impulse seems to be to share experiences so that others feel ok about sharing our experiences.
I will share that I have read every book about grieving, I think, under the sun, and then decided to write my own, in memory of my parents, who I took care of in their elder years until they died. Though, in some way of looking at it, they have never left me, my dad's old wool rug is still here under the dining room table we use as a ping pong table. My mum's photo is here right next to me, smiling mischievously as she was apt to do, next to smiling faces of other family. We have a "memory corner" of our beloved who have died, with portraits of our loved ones, yes, even pets, who have moved to that other realm we know little about but which we suspect is very real and even perhaps in a mystical and spiritual way, "realer" than the solid world of things and people we navigate daily.
Grieving. What comes to mind is a Buddhist Funeral I attended on the sad occasion of the suicide of my daughter's friend. They were a group, the four of them. The friend "came out" in her rigidly conservative Vietnamese family, but always felt ostracized. At the funeral the mother was wailing. The counselor from school was there, muttering, "What a shame. What a shame." My daughter and her other friends were standing there solidly, like bricks, many of them having brought their parents with them. The wailing seemed like it would never end. The monk in charge of the funeral had some sort of chime. This placed a temporary stillness in the place. The monk said something on the lines of: "Our grief is our attachment. We must 'let go' of this spirit so she may fly free." During the ensuing talk, the monk advised being happy, or at least even keel, not crying. Our crying is attachment, he counseled. This thought has stuck with me.
These things around us, even all the people around us, are temporary. We are here, temporarily, to do good works, or not good works, whatever we sow as our karma. We take with us, at most, ourselves and sometimes not even that, parts of ourselves. And we leave only memories.
Did I help someone laugh today?
Was I really there for them in a way that was meaningful to them?
Did I give a truly loving tummy rub to our rescue pup until she smiled at me?
Did I refill the bird feeder so my feathered friends could flock over?
Did I remember to say some kind things?
Did I try to do some good works?
I could do any of my good works "in memory" of someone I love. This makes it meaningful to me sometimes. All the roses outside are a result of roses brought to join us "in memory" of loved ones I lost. The book I wrote was "in memory of" my parents. We fund a scholarship for a student "in memory of" my dad. I work crisis lines "in memory of" each of the young people and even older people who have unfortunately died by suicide.
I decided it was okay to ramble. I read your beautiful heartfelt thoughts, Sun is Shining and So Are You, and I felt glad that you could make yourself so vulnerable and open. Thank you for your Gift. You have made me feel safe.
Kindly, Patience
@PatienceImpatiens
Dear Patience,
I noticed you didn't get a response, Patience, so I wanted to give you a warm hug.
Love and Courage, Tas
@PatienceImpatiens
Lovely Pat, you are always such a pleasant hooman to come across here. Always smiling at your spelled out "sun is shining and so are you" for me hehe.
Thank you for the kind assurance and the sweetest encouragement for me to continue speaking my heart around here more, it means a lot to me.
To be honest, I had to set aside everything to be here, sit with a calmer mind to reply to you, I didn't want my reply to you as something just a "reply" , specially when I see you've left a big piece of your heart here and I wanted to make this beautiful piece of your beautiful big heart as seen and appreciated as I could, across the screen.
I wanted you to know that I've read this multiple times ever since you've posted and that every time it gets to me and I let out a lil tear and feel overwhelmingly-grateful, just for you being you, for you stopping by to share and so generously, so honestly, so lovingly.
Also incredibly grateful to know that you could find this a safe space to share, it was all what this post was intended for, so thank you again reaffirming my "whys" behind this post, in the very first place.
You are spot on, I believe the same, our love ones haven't truly left, we can hold onto their memories and "things" we attach with them as long we want to, they are around. I love the memory corner mention, I have one too. ❤
It breaks my heart to hear about your daughter's friend. :( So many wrongs in our world, if only people could be more accepting and kind towards each other, would make tremendous difference, I feel. (':
I've heard/ read about something similar to what the Monk said during the funeral, it is definitely a thought-provoking idea and true in so many ways. We do hold onto things and people, despite knowing about it being temporary.
I like to think of attachment as a way of love too (or likely a "means" to express it better) so there's this attachment of holding people we've loved close to us, in our memories (yes, in the truest most sense~ that's all one ever leaves behind for their love ones, I feel hehe) and gosh, yes, what a beautiful way of honoring our love for our love ones, by doing good or least, trying to.
I'm a believer too. Do good, without expecting good. Have your intentions in the right place and do you, while trying to make it a better place for those co-existing with you. It is all that counts.
How we make people feel, what we say, how we say it, what we do~ our karma and trying to just be a good hooman, spreading out love and kindness in whatever little ways possible (if we really see it, it's always possible~ a profound quote by Dalai Lama mentions the same) and somewhere in the universe's tally, it should count hehe.
I cannot tell you how deeply moved I am with your beautiful response here (ramble if you call it lol, it is always okay to ramble/ share of freaking course), thank youuu for such an enlightened perspective about grieving and honoring our love ones as we try to do good for others and perhaps, the good we do makes our heart feel a lil lighter too (still in a very altruistic sense, the lighter feeling is merely a pro bono effect accompanying the good karma)
Pat, thank *youuu* for being a gift yourself, full of sparkles hinting at kindness and wrapped with a ribbon of compassion, with a sweet rose on the top that smells like love. Supremely grateful to you and for you.
(You best believe I'll read this post often and heart it as many times, I get the chance too. My way of embracing your gift of kindness and trying my best to follow through and do as much good as possible also. A life-long lesson, this one is, thank youuuuu! ❤)
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you dear sun is shining and so are you,
This response meant so much to me. I was just having these feelings today.
I am so grateful to you.
Thank you!
Kindly,
Patience
@PatienceImpatiens *sitting with you and hugging youu tight* 🤗❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou Please don't cry. You are very special. I care about you a lot. Maybe you are doing too much. I don't know. Anyway, loads of hugs to you.
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou 😟 sunny, gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly. I'm sorry I didn't find this post earlier😞 I know I'm not a listener, but I love you sunny and if you ever want to talk of vent just drop me a message. Losing a loved one is indeed very hard. The first person I ever loved was taken away from me too quickly. I hope your ok ❤❤ huggs you
@Tinywhisper11
Awww just Lolaabeaan being the sweetest always.😭
I'm okie hehe, and it's okay to find the post when you did, the post is for everyone to share and feel less alone since many of us have similar experiences and have been through loss and are grieving too.
It is always superrrr awesome seeing you in the forumland spreading all things love and kindness and of course, specialerrr Lolabean hugs!❤
Your lil angel in heaven really would be smiling looking down upon his beautiful, strong, loving mama you know? I wish fate had different plans and y'all beautiful people could love each other in-person too.🥺 Both of you deserved so so so so so much better. *hugs tightlyyyy* I love you moreeee and I'm here with youu too okiee!❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
@VictoriaLove7
They have the bestest, most heart-touching quotes hehe, thank you for sharing! ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank *you* for this owlsome topic, Sunshine! 🌞❤ 🤗❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou My wife and my mother are former widows. And now their health is in jeopardy. I am not sure I can be strong for them. I rely heavily on God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. God forgive me for loving them so much. You, Lord are the anchor of my soul, the rock of my salvation. Please grant us some miracles and heal all of my loved ones. Your precious child, Swordpsalm.