A different approach to Random Acts of Kindness - G&L Community Event February 2024

Today I would like to share a different perspective of RAK (Random Acts of Kindness).  When someone is grieving a significant loss of any type, they need support and help to just do normal daily activities of life.  When I lost my daughter, the only thing I could do for the first few months after she passed away was sit on my bed and rock back and forth asking myself, “why me?”  If it wasn’t for the kindness of my friends and family, I would have never survived that devastating and life altering time in my life.  Many people would tell me, “Call me if you need me,” or “I’m here if you need anything.”  These are the two most insignificant ways of trying to be supportive.  After the loss of my daughter I was literally unable to ask for what I needed.  I couldn’t even identify that I needed to go to the grocery store or that I needed to take a shower much less know who to call for what.  A dear friend of mine came over the day after the funeral.  She took all of the cards from the flowers, my thank you notes, and my Rolodex and told me that no parent should be expected to write thank you notes after burying their child.  I would have never known to ask someone to do this for me and it is the one act of kindness that someone did for me that has stayed with me to this very day.  In this post, I am going to share a list of things that I needed in the early days after Kristyn’s death.  If you are grieving this is a great list of things you can ask your friends and family to do to help you.  And if you have a friend who has just lost a loved one and are wondering what you can do to help, these are some suggestions:

1.  Write thank you notes for flowers.  Take Rolodex, cards from flowers, and thank you notes and write them for the person who is grieving.

2.  Many of you might have heard of this.  It’s called grief groceries.  Pick up basic necessities:  bread, milk, etc…. And deliver them and then send a text to the person telling them there are groceries on their porch.  The bereaved person won’t have to deal with going to the grocery store or seeing anyone but they will still get the items they need.

3.  When the bereaved person is ready to go through their loved ones belongings, they could probably use the support of friends or family to decide what to do with the deceased loved ones belongings.

4.  Chore help:  A person who is coping with a significant loss needs help just to maintain their household chores:  dishes, vacuuming, laundry, mowing the lawn, etc are all things that could be helpful.

5.  Avoid making food to fill a fridge.  While that is a good gesture, everyone thinks to bring food and the last thing someone wants to do is eat when they are grieving.  And they have so much food.  It is better to get a gift card for groceries or a restaurant that they can use when they need it.

6. Everyone is there for a grieving person right after the loss of their loved one.  But 6 months down the line, everyone has gone back to their normal life, except the grieving person is still grieving.  A random card in the mail, text message, or email telling them you are still thinking of them and remembering their loved one can mean more than you know.