Survivors Guilt
I'm starting to feel like I'm cursed. Roughly two years ago I watched my big brother pass away due to a horrible accident involving a balcony and a few missteps. I've always kind of blamed myself for what happened to him, because I feel like if I got there sooner he wouldn't have leaned over the railing to try and get my attention. I've been dealing with it by not dealing with it pretty much. On the 4th of July earlier this year, I was texting my little sister (half sister, from my dad's side) like I did a few times a week. We were planning on having a siblings reunion with everyone of my dad's kids later this year since she was pregnant and couldn't make a long trip until after the delivery. 4 days passed and she never responded to my texts, which was odd. Then I got a call from the police in Michigan. She was officially reported missing when she didn't pick her two kids up from daycare. I had a horrible feeling, like I did when I saw my brother fall. I don't know how, but knew she and her baby were gone. She turned up the next day near the woods. I was apperally the last one who spoke with her alive, and the last person to talk to her killer without knowing it. All the texts from her on the 4th was actually him texting from her phone. I know it's messed up, but I feel like it should have been me instead of them. I just don't know how to even begin processing the loss of the three of them, I keep wishing I'll wake up one day, and it'll all have just been a bad dream. If anyone else has had to deal with losing siblings, how did you begin to heal from it? Because no matter how hard I try I feel like I can't make any progress.
@AlduinTheDovah I'm truly sorry to hear about the pain and guilt you're experiencing due to the tragic loss of your siblings. It's natural to carry such heavy emotions in the face of these terrible events.
Finding a way to heal and process your grief can be incredibly challenging, and it's different for everyone. It is a complex process, and there's no set timeline for healing. It's entirely normal to feel stuck and overwhelmed. It might help to talk to a psychologist, who is experienced in helping individuals work through complex emotions like these.
In the meantime, remember to be kind to yourself and understand that the blame you've placed on yourself is not warranted. These events were beyond your control. Allow yourself to grieve and seek support from friends and family as well. And, if you ever wish to share or talk about your feelings, I'm here to listen. You're not cursed, and with time and support, you can begin to heal đź’š
@AlduinTheDovah
i am so sorry to hear about all of the grief and loss you have experienced.  Everything that you feel is completely normal given the circumstances.  If I can emphasize one thing to you, it would be that none of this was your fault.  It’s hard to understand why things happen the way they do, but even if someone is trying to get your attention that doesn’t make a tragic accident off a balcony your fault.  And the only person responsible for your sister and her baby’s death is the person who killed them.
I hope that in time your heart can heal.
As Always,
Kristy
Hi im so sorry for your losses. They arent your fault and its natural to have wanted to do more to prevent them. As for healing I found talking about it with others like you are now was a big help. I tried writing a lot as well. A Lot of apology letters detailing my regrets and things I would love to go back in time and change. But it was most helpful to talk with others. Either here or in a bereavement group in your area. Im so sorry again for what youre going through.