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AlduinTheDovah
320 M Embraced 2
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceMay 3, 2017
Bio

Just a socially awkward girl trying to survive. I'm honestly not too sure what to put here. I'm an artist, I play videogames, I love music, and I have a pet snake. I might not be the best at socializing, but I'm a good listener, so feel free to reach out if you need to vent.

Recent forum posts
Survivors Guilt
Grief & Loss / by AlduinTheDovah
Last post
 November 11th, 2023
...See more I'm starting to feel like I'm cursed. Roughly two years ago I watched my big brother pass away due to a horrible accident involving a balcony and a few missteps. I've always kind of blamed myself for what happened to him, because I feel like if I got there sooner he wouldn't have leaned over the railing to try and get my attention. I've been dealing with it by not dealing with it pretty much. On the 4th of July earlier this year, I was texting my little sister (half sister, from my dad's side) like I did a few times a week. We were planning on having a siblings reunion with everyone of my dad's kids later this year since she was pregnant and couldn't make a long trip until after the delivery. 4 days passed and she never responded to my texts, which was odd. Then I got a call from the police in Michigan. She was officially reported missing when she didn't pick her two kids up from daycare. I had a horrible feeling, like I did when I saw my brother fall. I don't know how, but knew she and her baby were gone. She turned up the next day near the woods. I was apperally the last one who spoke with her alive, and the last person to talk to her killer without knowing it. All the texts from her on the 4th was actually him texting from her phone. I know it's messed up, but I feel like it should have been me instead of them. I just don't know how to even begin processing the loss of the three of them, I keep wishing I'll wake up one day, and it'll all have just been a bad dream. If anyone else has had to deal with losing siblings, how did you begin to heal from it? Because no matter how hard I try I feel like I can't make any progress.
Losing Myself
Trauma Support / by AlduinTheDovah
Last post
 November 5th, 2023
...See more Things have been pretty hectic for me lately. I've had a decent amount of trauma in my life, and I was diagnosed with C-PTSD at a fairly young age. The most recent incident was on the 6th of October, last month. I got into a huge fight with the man I have been exclusively seeing for the past few years. He's told me time and again that I'm the only girls he's been talking to, but I had a bad feeling about it. I ended up going through his phone at 3 am and found multiple conversations with different girls, some of which were only a few days old. (Not just flirting, but sending nude pictures back and forth and stuff like that.) I freaked out and left his house, but it was raining. I lost control of my car and ended up totaling it. I'm thankfully not too physically injured, just some broken ribs, stitches, and a messed up shoulder. But since the accident I haven't felt much of anything, good or bad. I've been unintentionally isolating myself, I have little interest in anything, I don't really want to be around people, ect. My family and coworkers have been constantly asking me if I'm okay, but I don't know. I honestly don't feel much of anything, and I honestly don't really care about anything anymore. I've never felt this emotionally numb or hollow before. I'm not sure if it's a trauma response, or something else. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit since I don't really have friends. I also wanted to see if anyone else has gone through feeling like this, and how they started feeling more like themselves again.
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