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No Words

tealCity8225 October 14th, 2023

There are no words that describe a parent that loses a child. The pain is almost unbearable. Time freezes. The world slows down or speeds up. Your left standing still. Every breath is painful. Every thought bears the weight of 1,000,000. As time goes on, people expect you to go back to normal. At first it's impossible. But slowly you learn to put on a smile. You start to laugh. And even though your smiling laughing having fun. The pain is still there. Just as intense as it was when it happened. It never goes away. That's how I feel today. Everyday...

5
HealingTalk October 14th, 2023

@tealCity8225


Hello, and welcome to this community.

I'm really sorry that you lost a child, and that you're going through this immense grief and pain. 

Losing a child must be devastating, maybe the most painful experience a person can have.

You're absolutely right that there are no words that could describe it. 

We agree that it's not something that you "get over". With time, you might get better at dealing with life, but the pain will never go away. Love is forever, and so is grief. We understand it, and we are here to support you in this.

You can come here as often as you wish to tell us how you are feeling, and share your true emotions and experiences. 

You might tell us what happened, how you remember your child, and what is your life like now.

I send you all my appreciation and I congratulate you for the strength and courage to come here and tell us your true emotions and personal experience, despite feeling overwhelmed by pain.

This place is yours, and we remain at your disposal.

Marcelo

2 replies
tealCity8225 OP October 14th, 2023

I'll never forget it. March 31, 2018. My daughter was born. Happiest day. 25 hours later. April 1. Easter morning. She died in my arms. Cause of Death? Meningitis and E. Coli. Reason? My water fully ruptured at home. But the doctors refused to allow me to give birth. They stopped ny labor 4 times by giving me magnesium. For four days. She contracted Meningitis and e. Coli.


Fast forward to October 30. 2018. I wake up in pain. Contractions. I didn't even know I was pregnant. Sat in an emergency hospital room for 5 hours. Gushing blood. Extreme pain. Doctors refused to touch me. Literally told me they didn't know what was wrong with ne so they didn't want to touch me. Even went as far as telling me to be quiet because I was making the other patients uneasy. finally get them to transport me to a different hospital and within 5 minutes of arriving I gave birth to my stillborn son. I had been a little over 7 months pregnant.


My favorite memory's are unfortunately limited. I miss feeling my daughter move inside of me. I had an emergency c section with her so I never heard her cry when she was born. And they had her in am incubator when born so I wasn't able to hold her when they finally let me see her. The first time i got to hold her she was drugged up and I had just been told she wasn't going to make it. You know how hard it was going home empty handed. Seeing the empty crib. The baby clothes that never got worn. I still have nightmares about all of it.

1 reply
HealingTalk October 15th, 2023

@tealCity8225

Your life story touched my heart. 

You went through so much!

The criminal malpractice of those doctors.

All that suffering at hospitals.

Being robbed of having her with you.

And going back home without your baby. 

Seeing in your home the empty crib and the baby clothes you had prepared for her.

That's heartbreaking. 

I sent you a message with some information that I hope might be of some help.

I remain yours.

My best wishes to you

Marcelo

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Tinywhisper11 October 15th, 2023

@tealCity8225 I feel your pain😢 it is so hard. We are all here for you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤