Missing my kitties
I'd like to share a big reason why I am here at 7 Cups. First I have to go back, 5 years ago I lost my cat of 17 years. I think that was one of the absolute hardest times in my life. It was like losing a piece of myself; like a huge hole ripped open. I spent a lot of time working on myself and through the pain and have gotten to a place where I am happy to be able to treasure the memories and photos I have of him.
Last year my partner & I decided we were ready for another cat. We rescued a kitten from a shelter. It was a lot more, emotionally, than we'd thought. I don't think we were quite ready and I kept feeling reverberations of my previous lose even as I was loving this new kitten - thinking about the end again. Just a few months after adopting him we had to take him to the ER. A lot was going on and ultimately there were complications. Surgery was an option but not something they could do there. It was really really hard but we decided to not prolong his suffering for an unknown outcome.
It's been a few months since and I'm not totally ok. Still working through the grief of my kitten I barely got to know. That honestly is one of the hardest parts; not having had more time. He did show me I could love another kitty again but losing him so soon...I was not ready for that. I'm so frustrated by the situation. I wish it didn't have to be like that and just want him back. It's not like before where I had so much time together and time to see think about the end. It literally all went down in the span of 2 days.
I know grief is not linear but I feel stuck in denial almost. Like why did it have to happen this way, why can't I just have him back...why? I logically know there is no answer here. It is just is. I do think I acted in his best interest but it's not easy to live with. It's really hard to look at pictures or talk about him...or look at other people's new cats. My in-laws just got a kitten and I literally can't look at it and start bawling when they talk about it. Last time it took me probably 2 years to work through my grief. This time, I don't know. I'm just feeling a bit lost I guess. Anyway, thanks for staying with me if you've made it this far.
@SkateComet93 wraps you up in a cosy blanket and cuddles you up ❤ that was heartbreaking to read, you even made me have a tear in my eye🙂 17 years wow! I can tell that kitty lived a long happy life, may be rest in peace ❤ and you did what was right for your new kitten, they have such little hearts compared to the human heart, and they don't understand what's happening. You made the right choice ❤ without pets the house can seem so empty. How would you feel about getting a different kind of animal?? I had a bunny, now I have giunea pigs. It does help to go for a different kind of animal if possible. But i of cours e in your own time, and only if you want to ❤ grieving is a very difficult thing to go through. I'm right here for you, we all are ❤
@Tinywhisper11 thank you for listening and for the kind words 💛 It means a lot! I guess I haven't thought about another kind of animal. I've just always had cats...as has my partner. Perhaps another one will come into our lives one day. But until then a bunny could be cute. I'm currently attempting to keep a plant alive; but am notoriously bad at that and also don't know what kind it is so we'll see how that goes lol.
@SkateComet93 haha! I tried a plant after my bunny passed on, I had a indoor palm tree, I named him keuana leaves. But I'm also really bad at taking care of plants. He didn't last two long. I love bunnies, my roamed free around my room, you can toilet train them, really easily. I really love bunnies. But now my three little piggies (guinea pigs) they are gorgeous, but they do make a mess😂😂 can't let them roam free. But instead of buying a cage, I made one. So it's huge, they are happy little things ❤
@Tinywhisper11 aw that's so cool you made them a cage! I bet they love having the extra room to run around in. I have friends with bunnies and I guess they also live a long time.
Yeah so I actually got this little plant about a month ago and them a few days later left for vacation so I had a friend take care of my plant. They did such a good job but now that's it back to me it's not looking happy lol, oops.
@SkateComet93 plants are really hard 😂😂 don't feel bad, I'd probably kill off a fake plant😂😂 I'm absolutely useless with them. How are you feeling today? It's 1am here almost, I have a weird sleeping schedule, I'm hoping it's gonna stop raining, so I can go sit outside, and watch the sunrise ❤ that's my favourite thing to do. Hopefully you'll have a better day today ❤ but I'm always here for you if you need to talk or vent, sometimes getting your thoughts out can really help ❤
@Tinywhisper11 thank you!! ❤️❤️ That means a lot! I'll have to take you up on the offer.
I didn't sleepy great, woke up from a dream about my kitten. He's still very much on my mind but my partner made me breakfast this morning though which was sweet and we are out doing some window shopping today. It's nice and sunny by me...hopefully some sun visits you so you can get outside too! 🌞
@SkateComet93 awww you and your partner seem like a cute couple ❤ the thing with looking someone/somekitty you love so much, you never forget them, just eventually you learn how to cope with the sadness a bit better ❤ the sun is shining here in the UK 😁 soon I'll start complaining about the heat😂😂 do you have any hobbies?
dreams can seem so realistic, and it's quite upsetting. I'm not sure what your beliefs are, but I bet both your kitties are happily playing together in heaven ❤ you were a good parent to them, and they do know that ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11 thanks for the hugs and all your support! ❤️ It's so nice to log in to a post from you ❤️ I like to think they both know how much I love them and that helps me a bit. My littlest one though I think about a lot, we just didn't get enough time together which doesn't feel fair. It's only been 3 months so I'm trying to tell myself it's ok to process in my own time, whatever that is.
Um yeah for hobbies I do roller derby. I've missed a ton of practice this year in trying to deal with losing my kitten...and me & my partner both having our own medical stuff. But I love skating and my team is full of really nice people. We have a game coming up this month (which hasn't happened since before I joined in 2021) so I'm looking forward to that! Also I'm currently knitting a beanie and crocheting a sweater. I'm pretty slow but I like having something to do with my hands and to be able to just sit and create, even though I always have a pattern it still feels like a creative outlet. Otherwise I like watching TV and movies, reading books and listening to music and podcasts. How about you, what are your hobbies?
Work has been so busy this week. Lots of driving to different offices which is unusual for me and makes me tired. Looking forward to working from home tomorrow! It's been nice and sunny but not too hot yet here. It will be killer next month so enjoying it now 😎
@SkateComet93 roller derby🤔🤔 is that like ice hockey? Ok that's good that you have alot of stuff to keep your mind busy ❤ I'm creative too😁 I love doing art and crafts. I hope you get plenty test rest after all that hard work. I've never had to work, I'm lucky that way. It. Is hard that he left you so early😥 it's just very hard to loose any one you love, I'm so sorry sweetie 😞 have you been getting the support you need and deserve on this site? Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I hope your feeling ok ❤
@Tinywhisper11 hm yeah I guess roller derby is a bit like hockey - it's on roller skates and is full contact so we have to wear all the gear like helmets, knee & elbow pads, wrist and mouth guards. But there are lots of rules about contact so it is as safe as possible. I think it is fun and my team is full of awesome, supportive women! What sorts of things do you do for hobbies? Yes, always hard to lose anyone you love. 💛 This site has been good but I probably haven't used everything it offers like chatting with any listeners or therapists; working my way to that. It feels kind of daunting to get across the complexity of emotions in a 7min live chat...and sometimes the chats seem to go on tangents so I've been a little hesitant to share but it's nice to try and help others work through whatever is on their mind. It's been helping me a little to shift my own thinking (to take my own advice haha). It's been really nice to share with you - thank you! 🥰
@SkateComet93 ❤ I don't do 1-1 chats anymore, I love the forums and group chat rooms🙂 and yep! Helping support others here especially in the forums can be really rewarding. I usually come on cups towards the end of my day, that's when my pain levels are at the highest. It's a great distraction, and there's soooo many great people here ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I hope your day is going well? And I like arts and crafts, sometimes I like writing poems 🙂
@SkateComet93 aww sorry you had a bad day😥 yep! 7 cups is the best ❤ oh so I'm guessing you work monday to friday. Do you at least like what you do for work?? My day was good ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Yes, I do actually really like the work I do! I've been having to go into the office more the last few weeks which isn't my usual and it makes me so tired lol. I'm also working extra hard to get a promotion so it has been a bit taxing lately but hopefully will all pay off!
@SkateComet93 I really hope you get a promotion, you deserve one. If I could cross my fingers I would ❤
@SkateComet93
im so sorry about both of your kitties. Losing a pet really is like losing a member of the family whether you had that pet for a few days, or twenty years. You will know if or when it’s time to try to get another kitty. Denial is a very normal part of the grieving process. Some people are in denial for a few weeks, some for a few months, and some for even a few years. The important thing to remember when you are grieving is that all of your feelings are normal and okay.
@Kristynsmama thank you 💛 I'm trying to let myself feel the feelings without judgement since I know they are all valid but it's not easy. I just keep getting hung up on how unfair it feels that we got so little time together. But I've been talking with my partner about putting together a photo book and getting a picture framed of my kitten. We did that for my cat and it's a comfort now to have those reminders.
@SkateComet93
oh those sound like wonderful ways to honor your kitties. I have a photo book of all of my pets that have passed and I love it. You are also welcome to share pics here on 7 cups.
@Kristynsmama I think I'm getting closer to be ready to go through his photos. I'll share some when I do.
@SkateComet93
i cant wait to see them. But only when you feel ready to share them.
@SkateComet93 im so sorry :( no one understands the grief that comes with losing a pet.
@YourShouder03 its the hardest thing in the world. how can something so pure be taken away. but i hope you know everyday you spent with them both, they were full of happiness as you were always with them!
@YourShouder03 ive lost pets in the past and i currently have my baby luna (cat) whos been with me for over a year now. sending lots of love!
Hi @skatecomet93
I'm so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I read your post and totally understand what you are going through. Sending you some ❤️ and a bit of cheer.
My 17 year old baby cat passed exactly one month ago and all that I can tell people is it feels like I've lost a piece of my heart! Fur babies really just touch a special place don't they?
I've found one little comfort in coping with my grief...such as you know in your heart that you provided the best care and acted in the best interest of your little fuzzy friend. You could see the love in their eyes as they looked at you so gratefully for the good care you gave them.
Last year a baby kitten came to my house, couldn't track down where she came from she seemed healthy and was a very sweet girl...but she only lived a week with the best of care. I also beat myself up over the fact I didn't get to spend enough time with her but hey you know maybe that cat was sent to you so that it could spend it's final days in comfort and being loved ❤️ I know you did all you could for it and I'd love to chat with you a bit if you'd feel like it. I'm still struggling everyday with my loss. Hugs if ok.
@Sparklingdiamonds oh my gosh, thank you so much for sharing this with me! Our situations do sound very similar and I would appreciate a friendly space to share if you are open to a DM maybe or separate thread? Sending you ❤️ as well. It's not easy when they leave us.
@SkateComet93
Sure, I'd love to chat I just don't know how to DM here so you'd have to guide me on that. I know it's just so sad when our fur babies are gone 😢💦 I hope u r okay today!
@Sparklingdiamonds It's been about 3 months for me now; so it's less consistently intense. More occasional waves. I kept a couple of toys but it was so hard to have all his things in the house. I was lucky enough my mom took them and has them stored at her place for now. I feel like I haven't fully had time to process because life keeps throwing stuff my way...like all sorts of random health stuff for me & my partner, stresses at work and about our finances. I literally just had dental surgery on Mon and now my sister in law is staying with us for several weeks. It's just a lot right now.
I hope you are able to set time aside for yourself and get some fresh air. Be sure to talk to yourself nicely. I feel like it's not always easy, but you deserve it no matter how low you feel ❤️ ❤️
@SkateComet93
It truly sounds like you have too much on your plate! Please take care of yourself and if you need time away from everyone go on anwalk or something undisturbed! Mercy. Wish there was a way I could lighten some of that stress. How did you deal with varying emotions in the beginning? I mean it's just made 1 month for me but it's really hard still because we used to share a room together...