I Wish I Had Parents.
I feel like no one talks about the unique and isolating grief of having biological 'parents' that are alive, but have never been a true parent to you.
Who have not provided you warmth, safety, comfort, love, or support–but all the opposite, and so much neglect all around throughout your life. It's like being an orphan without the validation. A silent, unseen grief without the closure of death. It's a wound that's held open. But the pain of that parental absence is the same as if they were never alive with you at all.
There's no one to see you when you're at your lowest, no love to feel when all you need is a hug, no warm conversation to experience when you sit in an empty room, no guidance when you need to get on your feet and can't manage everything alone. It's just you fending for yourself, quietly, day by day, with no one to hear the crying.
Despite now being 23, the pain of being unloved and neglected hasn't grown out of my system or healed. I am constantly wishing that I had a second chance at having a loving parent, or parents.
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The discrimination of being FtM only serves to increase the absence of connection and worthiness of love in my life. No one seems to want or accept me for being different.