Helping my family cope with my passing
I'm sorry if anyone was upset reading the title. It's been a while since I last used 7cups, but decided to come back. Like the title says, there's plenty of resources out there for helping yourself cope or helping people cope with another's death, but does anyone have any advice on how to help your family cope when you know you're time is up? I had made peace with it a long time ago, but they still need help, especially (and unfortunately) my parents. I don't know if this is the right forum for this, but I don't really have anywhere else to turn. I don't really know how much time I have either, just that some time, maybe days or maybe years, I will be going on. I'm still fighting, trying to find something to help, but it just doesn't look good. Also sorry if my phrasing seems weird, I've had to edit the wording on this post, otherwise it says I might be in crisis. Which is nice that they give you those resources, but they're unfortunately not going to help me.
@BDRD Hello. I'm really sorry for your situation, I thin I understand how you feel. Maybe the best thing you can do is to simply sit down and talk to them. Try to make them understand that you have already accepted what's going to happen, and that now is their turn to accept it. Tell them how much you appreciate all the love and support they give you, but you don't like to see them so worried about you. And also try to make them open themselves to you as well.
If your parents are kind and loving, I'm sure they will be understandable about your situation and you'll find the best way to enjoy the rest of your time together.
I'm sorry if my English isn't good, it isn't my native language so it's a little hard for me to write.
I hope I could help you anymore than this...
@BDRD I've seen a bit on 7cups about anticipatory grief, but that's the only thing that comes to mind. I'll see what I can pull up.
Are you connected with any palliative care? I would expect they would have more resources that would be applicable.
7 cups grief guide https://www.7cups.com/grief/
this book was recommended in one of the articles in a list of resources, I have not looked at it myself - https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=how+to+survive+the+loss+of+a+love&qid=1555364673&s=gateway&sr=8-3
this thread, a listener replied with some resources
A forum post on anticipatory grief, written by a therapist (this was the one that came to mind initially)
Nothing is really specific for what you're asking unfortunately.
@BDRD
Maybe one way you can help is to buy some books about the end of life and about grieving, read and discuss some with your parents, and leave them to your parents for the time they will need them most.
Books on how to cope with terminal illness and imminent passing of a loved one:
"On Death and Dying" by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: A classic in the field of grief and dying, this book outlines the five stages of grief and provides valuable insights into the emotional journey of both the dying and their loved ones.
"The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living" by Ira Byock, MD: This book explores the four essential things to say to someone before they die and offers guidance on how to express love, forgiveness, and gratitude.
"Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying" by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley: This book discusses the ways in which the dying communicate and how loved ones can better understand and support them during this time.
"The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life" by Katy Butler: This book delves into end-of-life choices and the importance of preparing for death. It can be helpful for both the person approaching death and their loved ones.
"Dying Well: Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life" by Ira Byock, MD: Another book by Ira Byock, this one focuses on the concept of "dying well" and offers guidance on making the most of the time remaining with a loved one.
Books on grieving
"Bearing the Unbearable" - Joanne Cacciatore is the place to start to go through the grieving process in a healthy and authentic way.
The short episodes of her podcast might give you a sense of her approach and see if it makes sense to you:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJBxzqhQ2J9iYYolqx3Ke5d53uckoOnqb
"The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion
This memoir by Joan Didion explores her personal experience of grief and mourning following the sudden death of her husband. It provides a raw and honest look at the early stages of grief.
"It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand" by Megan Devine
Megan Devine's book validates the complex and often misunderstood emotions that accompany grief. It provides practical advice for coping with loss and finding a way to navigate life after a loved one's death.
"The Grief Recovery Handbook" by John W. James and Russell Friedman
This book offers a structured approach to healing from loss, providing exercises and strategies for processing grief and moving forward.
"Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief" by Martha Whitmore Hickman
This book offers daily meditations and reflections to help you find comfort, solace, and a sense of connection during the early days of grief.
@BDRD
Hello there, reading your words has been emotional.
I personally feel to say that maybe they can seek for specific support for their pain? Asking their doctor to be addressed to specialists? I wouldn't want you to have to worry about it but i sense how much caring you are.
Sorry if I am thinking about you and maybe my answer doesn't help as you expected.
It's honorable that you are caring about other people's struggles, your family in this case. I want to express you how much I appreciate this aspect of your personality.
Sending you good vibes 💙
@BDRD I hope whatever u said doesn't come out to be true and you live a long long life🙏🩷🩷🩷
