He left me.
My boyfriend has schizophrenia the multi personality kind there's 5 in total including him. However he has 1 other main who takes over when he's not in a good place. None if the others are good and a lot of them are self sabotaging. However I'ma name him Dean he is a emotionless manipulator he likes to play games with people's feelings and his way of doing that is by having these fake relationships with them string them up and up and leave them. Awful right? Well He was suppressed for a long time during our ealier friendship then eventually we became a couple and recently he made his presence known that he is back... However he promised he's done with all of that he manipulated me of course. Now the person I'm actually dating I'ma name him Walter he's a good person I know he loves me unconditionally. Well last sat I caught Dean playing his games which hurt me. So Walter decided to break things off because he was to scared to hurt me. So me having BPD all my triggers where triggered and I started to spiral. I was so back and fourth from loving him to hating him it was like I was playing tug of war within myself. It got so bad that Dean said some awful things to get my to go away and he started deleting me off of everything which made things more worse.. Today I woke up at the final stage of grief and I woke up and fully accepted everything I don't hate him or feel anything negative towards him ultimately I just miss my best friend and the biggest trigger is people leaving.. I'll always love him but I can't be at peace with it if we didn't atleast try to fix our friendship. He's been battling schizophrenia with out any meds or medical help for so long that he's suffering because he has no control what so ever. I now see that I wasn't helping because I was so blinded over love and our relationship that I didn't get a clear picture of what was really going on. I know he's scared to hurt me he knows we'll still keep falling for each other but however I just want him to live a peaceful life for once and if I need to support him as a friend my ego my pride is put to the side. Him leaving for good during this state will devastate me and I'll never be able to make peace and move on. We both had a hand at hurting each other. Nobody has that sort of power over me other in myself is all I keep repeating today. I'm trying so hard to stay focused on that path but I'm really scared if he really ends our friendship...
I just want my bestfriend back...
I want to know if he's okay and safe.
I want to be there and support him through these hard times..
@Lilskittlez I'm so very sorry for what you and "Walter" are having to go through. I can't imagine how stressful and hurtful it must have all been. Grief doesn't just come when someone loses a loved one to death. A breakup with a partner or losing a very special friend ate still considered losses and you have a right to grieve all that transpired. Struggling with mental illnesses can take a toll on people. I do want to say that it seems like you are a pretty amazing, loving, and understanding friend.
"Walter" is extremely blessed to have someone like you on his team. And how sweet of him to have been so thoughtful and protective to ensure "Dean" doesn't hurt you again. That's got to be tough on both of you. I'm so sorry. I also wanted to say I commend you for being so selfless and thinking about the true best interests of your friend. That's love and I respect your decision for doing what is best for him and you. ♡
I see some time has passed since you made this post. How ate things now? Have y'all made ammends? Have you spoke to him and let him know how you feel? I really hope things are able to work out, because I can really tell how much you love and care. I believe the same way you want him happy and at peace that the same is deserved for you. I hope you find happiness and peace.
I hope y'all are (have been) able to talk things out, forgive one another, heal, and grow from all of this. ♡ Sending positive vibes your way. Take care of yourself and each other (if possible).
This really means a lot you've given me so much insight so I really appreciate it. Unfortunately it's gotten worst for him Dean has been in a deleting spree and he is in full control Walter only comes out for 2 hours of the day he's exhausted anything emotional is mentally exhausting for it. His father gotten really sick abd had to be hospitalized so I've been donating to their fundme and been trying to help make it known he was like a father to me. He still trying to contact me here and there. I'll always be there for him but it's really hard watching g him suffer. I just pray that he'll be okay and his pain and suffering will end...
@Lilskittlez You are an extraordinary person for what you do and your caring nature. I really wish things had gotten better. I am so sorry to hear about his dad getting sick and having to be hospitalized. I hope your efforts spreading the word on the *** pays off to help the family in a great way. Please know your efforts are commendable and always know how amazing and strong of a person you are. <3
