Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Lilskittlez
1 70 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceOctober 27, 2024
Recent forum posts
He left me.
Grief & Loss / by Lilskittlez
Last post
 1 day ago
...See more My boyfriend has schizophrenia the multi personality kind there's 5 in total including him. However he has 1 other main who takes over when he's not in a good place. None if the others are good and a lot of them are self sabotaging. However I'ma name him Dean he is a emotionless manipulator he likes to play games with people's feelings and his way of doing that is by having these fake relationships with them string them up and up and leave them. Awful right? Well He was suppressed for a long time during our ealier friendship then eventually we became a couple and recently he made his presence known that he is back... However he promised he's done with all of that he manipulated me of course. Now the person I'm actually dating I'ma name him Walter he's a good person I know he loves me unconditionally. Well last sat I caught Dean playing his games which hurt me. So Walter decided to break things off because he was to scared to hurt me. So me having BPD all my triggers where triggered and I started to spiral. I was so back and fourth from loving him to hating him it was like I was playing tug of war within myself. It got so bad that Dean said some awful things to get my to go away and he started deleting me off of everything which made things more worse.. Today I woke up at the final stage of grief and I woke up and fully accepted everything I don't hate him or feel anything negative towards him ultimately I just miss my best friend and the biggest trigger is people leaving.. I'll always love him but I can't be at peace with it if we didn't atleast try to fix our friendship. He's been battling schizophrenia with out any meds or medical help for so long that he's suffering because he has no control what so ever. I now see that I wasn't helping because I was so blinded over love and our relationship that I didn't get a clear picture of what was really going on. I know he's scared to hurt me he knows we'll still keep falling for each other but however I just want him to live a peaceful life for once and if I need to support him as a friend my ego my pride is put to the side. Him leaving for good during this state will devastate me and I'll never be able to make peace and move on. We both had a hand at hurting each other. Nobody has that sort of power over me other in myself is all I keep repeating today. I'm trying so hard to stay focused on that path but I'm really scared if he really ends our friendship... I just want my bestfriend back... I want to know if he's okay and safe. I want to be there and support him through these hard times..
Search more from @Lilskittlez
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
5 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion Newbie
Report an issue