Grief And Holidays

Grief And Holidays

Hey lovely friends,

I hope you are all well and if not, know you are not alone. As everyone around me is hanging up twinkling lights and singing holiday songs, I'm sitting here thinking of you all because let's be honest, this time of year can be incredibly difficult. I have been thinking about the people that I have lost this year and my dad. You see, grief doesn't take a holiday break – it's there for all the festive moments, every tradition, every simple day. 

This year has had a fair share of heartache, and I know so many of you are walking similar paths. The holiday chaos comes with its own special kind of weight when we're carrying grief, doesn't it? For many of us, December's holiday chaos brings a complex mix of emotions. It can be beautiful, it can be brutally unbearable, and it can be both at the same time. 

To each of you navigating this delicate dance between celebrating the holidays and the messy emotions: I see you. I see how you're trying to hold it all together, how you're wrestling with the "I'm fine" mask that society sometimes expects us to wear. But you don't need that mask here. Not with us. Not ever.

Every feeling you are experiencing is valid. Every. Single. One.

When the sight of their favorite holiday decoration brings you to your knees. When you can't bear to hang the stockings this year. When you stay in bed all day. When you find yourself laughing at a holiday party and then feeling guilty about it. When you want to scream because the world keeps spinning as if nothing has changed. When you catch yourself setting a place at the table out of habit. When their favorite song plays and you have to leave the store immediately. And so much more that this season brings.

It's all okay. It's all part of loving someone so deeply that their absence creates its own presence.

For those feeling lost in grief this season, remember that healing isn't linear. Some days you might feel strong enough to participate in traditions, to share stories, to celebrate. Other days, you might need to cocoon yourself away from the festivities, and that's perfectly okay too. Your grief is unique, there's no "right" way to do this. Please communicate your needs to others. 

Gentle Reminders

💗 You can feel joy and grief

💗 You can skip every holiday event

💗 You can create new traditions while honoring old ones 

💗 You can say their name, share their stories, keep their memory alive 

💗 You can cry in the middle of holiday shopping 

💗 You can change your mind about plans at the last minute 

💗 You have permission to do whatever feels right for YOU

Sometimes the hardest part of grief during the holidays is feeling like we need to maintain traditions exactly as they were. But just as our grief journey evolves, so too can our ways of remembering and honoring our loved ones. Whether through small gestures or creating entirely new rituals, there are many meaningful ways to keep their spirit present during this season. For myself I will bake a coffee cake. It will never be the same as when he was here to make it with me. I will cry like every year and it is not easy, but it's when I feel most connected to him. Here are some ideas you might like to try.

Ways to honor your person and your journey:

💗 Create a special corner with their photo and favorite holiday items

💗 Light a candle in their memory

💗 Cook their favorite dish (or order takeout if cooking feels too heavy)

💗 Write them letters about how you're feeling

💗 Take breaks from the festivities when needed

💗 Share memories with others who knew them (if it feels right)

💗 Give yourself permission to say "no" without explanation

This holiday season, I hope you can be gentle with yourself. I hope you know it's okay to feel everything – the love, the loss, the anger, the gratitude, the emptiness, the fullness; sometimes all at once.

For those having a hard time: I see you. I hold space for you. Your grief is welcome here. For those having moments of joy: I celebrate with you. Your happiness honors their memory. For those somewhere in between: I walk beside you. Your journey is valid.

Wrapping you all in the warmest, gentlest virtual hug.

You are so loved, so seen, and so supported in this space.

If you have read this far, sorry for all my gibberish lol,

✨Please let me know how you are doing✨ 

We will get through this together 🫶