How self-compassionate are you?
We all know the golden rule: reciprocity. But what if we view others far more kindlythan we view ourselves? Self-compassion ? treating ourselves to the same compassion we hold for others ? is one way to counter excessive self-criticism, due to low self-esteem or perfectionist tendencies. You can test your self-compassion here.
I test as moderately self-compassionate, and that makes sense to me. I'm (eventually) pretty forgiving to myself, my score shows, but while I understand others share the struggles that I do, I still tend to let myself feel isolated.
How do you score? In what ways are you most self-compassionate, and where do you have room to be kinder to yourself? How might you practice that?
I scored low in self compassion. Although I wasn't terribly surprised, itwas eye opening in how low it actually was. Thanksfor sharing Olivia.
I got an overall score of 4 :)
Hey, thanks for sharing this. I'd never heard of self-compassion before. But not very surprisingly, I scored low on the test. A 1.79 overall, with the worst categories being Isolation (high)and Self-Kindness (low). I guess I've always been aware, intuitively, that I have this sort of double-standard, where I regard others' flaws, for instance, with much more compassion than I do my own flaws. I think with the results of this test I'm fully aware that it could be a real problem I need to actively fight. Not really sure how, though.
Kinda really low with an overall of 1.6 but i knew it so it's okay :)
It's OK. I got 1.9, so we're on a similar level.
I got ahigh moderate score overall.
In addition, according to this test,my struggle lies with isolation and viewing suffering and failure as a shared experience. I would probably agree with this. I often struggle to see other people's suffering as relevant or of any insight to my own, so I definitely have a hard time with that. But I always try to be kind and understanding to myself (my mindfulness rating was the highest), even in times of frustration of my flaws and troubles, so I am thankful for that!
As for what I can do about the low points of my self-compassion,I am not entirely sure! Problem-solving is my weakness. This weakness tests my strength for self-compassion the most. Ha ha
Great test and topic, @OliviaButler!
@QuickJazzooh, this thread picked up again, yay. I'll try to come back and post some self-compassion ideas to make this more useful (when I've got a computer). I think you and I rated about the same, but thank you for elaborating on what doesn't work for you. I'm guessing the Chicken Soup for the Soul-type testimonials usually aren't helpful to you? I think we all benefit from your mindfulness at times. :)
Thank you very much, @OliviaButler! I would be interested in seeing the ideas for helping with that.
Hmm, but you know, this is the thing...I'm not sure if it's helpful or not!
I am aware that there are many factors that come into play with why I am the way I am, why my life is the way it is. I appreciate that my experiences and the outcomes of them are common enough to feel as if my life mimics many others' when I do hear of their stories. So no matter how lonely I may feel, I always know I have and will never truly be alone in many respects. But I don't feel this helps me feel any differently about things.
I think this is because I have the mindset that,no matter the similarity to anybody else's, it is still my own life, experiences and feelings, and me alone that lives it. So it's hard to get into the mindset that it's of significantrelevance to think of others' lives regarding such things. Having said that, by hearing other people's stories, it allows one to know that it's possible to go down many routes in life at virtually any stage and to enjoy life, even in what may seem to be dark times. From their stories, I grew the awareness that there are positive avenues I could go down. Even if that doesn't help me regarding knowing where to go or what path will takes me there.(But I think it's often more frustrating for me, in low times,to know a positive route is most likely there without understanding how to access it!).
Summary:Perhaps it was useful once, but not so much anymore. Ha ha
I would also say that, for me, knowing these things are universal is worse. Inthe knowledge of the various hardships people can face,I send warmth and kind thoughts to many within my mind every day as a result, regardless of their lack of being heard. It's very sad. So I honestlywish all the best to those who are still struggling, andI am extremely happy for those who are/were able to way to overcome things.
Ultimately, Ihopeeverybody finds better days and/or peace of mind (including myself)!
I scored low for self-compassion, 1.91. That's all thanks to the bullies, and my loving mum!
What this slightly idiotic surveyfails to capture, is that just because we get caught up in our own troubles when they are happening, it doesn't mean that we don't think about others! I often think about others when I am going through something.In fact, my own dark periods make me more compassionate towards others. But arewe obliged to think that our ownproblems are part of a 'common experience' when we're really upset about something? Asimplied by those questionsabout 'common humanity'. Like, when I got sacked from a job in dire circumstances, did I say to myself, "oh, everyone goes through this"? Um, No. Maybe months afterwards, but not at the time.
Self-Kindness: 1.00
Self-Judgment: 3.80
Common Humanity: 1.75
Isolation: 4.00
Mindfulness: 1.75
Over-Identification: 3.25
Overall score: 1.91
Thanks for sharing Olivia. I've got:
Self-Kindness: 2.80
Self-Judgment: 4.00
Common Humanity: 2.00
Isolation: 4.25
Mindfulness: 2.50
Over-Identification: 4.00
Overall score: 2.18
I'm not surprised, although I thought it would be lower, so im kinda happy
Self-Compassion is a huge study in Buddhism. I know in at least one form it is called "tonglen" and is considered to be vital. Pema Chodron is an amazing author with a number of books dealing with Self-Compassion, particularly as a 'treatment' for fear and anxiety. My favorite work of hers is called 'Comfortable with Uncertainty' and it is phenomenal.
I got an overall score of 2.67
I got 1.7