Good moments 🌈

oh no, i've missed way too many days again. i thought i'd finally write it all down tonight, but doesn't look like it'll happen at this point because i have a lot of work to do and i need to sleep too. so let's hope i can do this tomorrow. i'm so sorry.

yeah, i've missed so many days again. but right now i'm gonna go ahead and try to catch up. honestly though, i've got to be consistent with this or else it become a real task to catch up, with the additional disadvantage that i don't remember all my good moments.

sunday (6th oct): so i remember one good moment that happened after i posted that night. so i was up late doing homework and i happened to come on cups once to see something really beautiful that made me smile.

monday (7th oct): i remember the history teacher was in a pretty good, jokey mood so the class was partly fun (not totally fun because we got a project to do). she also told us a story from her childhood, describing some really beautiful scenery and it was lovely imagining those things and what her childhood might have been like.

and the physics teacher decided to skip teaching for once. she normally teaches no matter now few students are present in class, so she will teacher even if only 16 out of 40 students are present. but that day, there were 23 in class and she still just us have a free period. good because i was in a lot of pain and couldn't have paid attention if she taught anyways.

also, coming home and washing my hair that day was good. i had been feeling really awful for most of that day and had been in a lot of pain, and i felt better after the shower. also, it woke me up because i was running on 3 hours of sleep and had been half asleep all day.

i also rewatched the movie i had watched on 5th oct because whenever my mother and i watch a movie on youtube, we always watch it 2-3 times weather we like it or not. i actually loved watching it the second time because it gave me a better understanding of the story and i could also laugh a fair bit.

also, i went to bed really early monday night. i don't remember the exact time, but i think it was 11:10 pm or something close to it (definitely before 11:14 pm) and i felt really good about it.

tuesday (8th oct): sooo lemme think, because i don't really remember much. hmm so i was mostly a day when i felt really overwhelmed and tense all day and i don't remember more than just one good moment.

so during our annual day dance practice, i had another 9th grader from my dance sitting next to me and doing her maths homework in school. she wasn't able to solve lots of things that i had been able to solve, and she needed lots of rough work for the smallest of calculations, like dividing a 3 digit number by 2. she asked for help from me for some stuff, and i was actually able to help because her condition in maths is worse than my own. the reason i call this a good moment is because i used to think that everybody who studies seriously is better than me in maths and nobody could be worse than me in it if they study. but i was wrong. this person studies and her condition is quite bad too. so i feel a little less alone in being bad at maths, and that's good.

wednesday (9th oct): some things my friend in school told me that day were really good to hear. other than that, i don't remember much from school expect the interactions i had with two bengali teachers - my 7th grade english teacher and my 4th grade evs (environmental studies) teacher. i actually had gone to wish the english teacher a happy durga puja (wednesday was the first day of durga puja) and seeing here was good, though she was really busy. and the evs teacher, i happened to meet her in the corridor just as a coincidence. and i wished her and it was a lovely little convo as she asked me where we go to see the puja and stuff.

i wore a new pair of pyjamas. and it was nice. the fittings aren't great, but i think the colour looks good on me. the fabric is also pretty nice and soft. i know i'll love wearing this when summer comes, because it's light coloured too.

i remember my mother asked me if i'm staying home from school on thursday or friday, because she thought i really had to skip school on either one of these days. when i asked her why, she said that "you're not going to school every day during durga puja! anyway nothing much happens in school. stay home one day to relax and have fun." i can't explain how much i loved hearing that from her. i mean, my mother's encouraging me to skip school, how lovely is that?

i went out in the evening with my father to buy sweets and some stationery. it was kinda cool outside and it was nice. plus, i almost always like going out late in the evening.

thursday (10th oct): i skipped school that day and it was quite a good thing to take a bit of a break from school. i remember that i got started with homework early in the day, about 10:25 am i believe, and that's a lot earlier than usual. i'm really glad i did a bit in the morning before the bad things of the day started happening, because i remember not doing much in the afternoon and evening.

i also showered earlier than usual, and i exercised properly for the first time in a while. it all felt good. also, my mother was in a pretty good mood during lunch and that was nice. we joked about a lot of things. and my mother loved one of my jokes. i'm really glad i could make her laugh.

i also got to stay at home alone for a bit, and i really loved it. i love staying home alone for bits.

my mother and i had gone to see the durga puja somewhere, and it was nowhere near fun, but one good thing did happen. you know, we also have navratri right now, though my family doesn't celebrate it. and during this time, every day, you're supposed to wear a specific colour of clothes. because we don't celebrate it in my family, we only find out what colour it is today when we observe others. so while we were coming back home after seeing the durga puja, based on our observations, we concluded that it was pink day. and i just so happened to be wearing a pink top then. what a funny coincidence! lol.

at night, i put on a new pair of pyjamas and i really love this one. the colour, the fittings, everything. it felt good.

friday (11th oct): we got a lot of free periods in school so i was able to complete some of my incomplete work as well as my missed schoolwork from thursday. that was pretty good. also, my friend and i were happy to get some time to talk freely during because our uninvited guest didn't arrive like she usually does.

we went to see the durga puja somewhere a little far away. the idol was beautifully made and the place was well decorated, and i liked it though it was awfully crowded. i also happened to see a teacher there, certainly not one i like, but i saw her, smiled and wished her a good evening. it was somehow kinda nice, though she didn't recognise me. also, my mother participated in a shankha blowing competition there and she only got to about 10 seconds when many got to more than her, but it was nice anyways.

also, as soon as we got in there, it started raining so when we came out, we all got wet. we waited for a while for the rain to stop for us to go home, but then it looked like it would never stop so we came home by two wheeler all getting wet. i was luckily wearing my jacket so i was sort of protected from the rain. so for me, it was quite fun, mainly beacuse i didn't get too wet. it was quite cold though. also, coming home and washing my feet with warm water was great, because my feet were really cold from having wet socks on.

today (12th oct): my good moment for today would be seeing my all time favourite teacher where we went to see the durga puja today. i was feeling horrible about going there, but seeing her at least made it worth something. i saw her, talked to her a bit, and saw her daughter too. it was unexpected and it was nice. it made me feel a little less horrible about having to do there today.

and i took a bit of a nap in the afternoon after we came home. i guess that's good? also, doing my cups work felt really good and helped my mood a lot. i really love helping out on cups. and i found out someone liked my work, and that was nice. and i'm glad i could catch up on writing good moments, though i didn't study today and it's also fairly late.

i have otherwise been struggling a lot today, so these are the only good moments i've got to share today.

hey. so last night when i typed it all out, i missed one good moment from tuesday and one from friday and one from saturday.

so on tuesday i was feeling really overwhelmed all day and when i was finally able to calm down a bit, it felt good.

on friday, i liked having puris for lunch. i was pretty surprised to open my tiffin box and find puris in it. i get bored of having that same roti sabzi every day, so something different is good. i also laughed a bit with my friend in school.

and yesterday, while we were there to see the durga puja, i was able to take my mother's phone and photograph some pretty amazing plants.

now let's talk about today's good moments.

sunday (13th oct): so today in the morning when i cleaned up my room and showered, i felt pretty good somehow. then, going to see the durga puja visargan wasn't as bad as i thought it'd be. it wasn't good, but it wasn't too bad.

some interactions i've had on cups today have been really nice and have helped me a lot in feeling better and getting through the day. and also doing some cups work felt great. i also saw something on youtube today that gave me an amazing sense of calm.

i stood out in the balcony for a bit at night and could see some stars and an aeroplane flying. it reminds me of a lot of things and makes me feel kinda good. and my mother made kheer today because you're supposed to have kheer on the last day of durga puja, and it was pretty nice.

i could hear someone from outside speaking in bengali as i sat in my room, and it just made me feel so weirdly excited because it's not something i really hear often.

i think that's all i have for today so far. not a very good day unfortunately, despite it being a sunday.

You're doing an amazing thing just by reaching out and acknowledging your emotions.

Yes life has bad bits, but it also has amazing bits!

It's always great to share with others, both the good and the bad. No one's life is always happy.

It sounds like you're very wise for your years and that is an incredible strength!

Yes do your best to check in every day - we're all behind you!

i realise that i haven't posted in a week now, and i'm sorry i can't do it today either. i've been having a rough time lately and thought i'd give up on doing this. although today has been better, and i realise that this is one thing i can't give up on, i've had a fairly busy day and i'm really sleepy right now, so i'll go to bed. i promise that some day i will catch up on posting my good moments. hopefully tomorrow but in case i choose to focus on homework tomorrow, i'll do it on tuesday.

so i haven't posted any good moments in two entire weeks. i don't know were two weeks went but here i am now. and i'm not sure if i can actually even try to remember good moments from two weeks ago. i have great memory for bad things that hurt me but i remember the good only for a little while. also, it's been two weeks since i last posted so now even if i try to write the good moments, i'll get the days all muddled up.

so to whoever's reading this, can i just skip a few days and write whatever i remember? or should i try my hardest to recall good moments from every single day?

Today I got a lot of much needed rest! What was something good about your day?

Just worry about a single day. No need to go backwards. More than 24 hours is too tough. You don't need that kind of pressure. 

monday (nov 4th): yesterday was such a good day, so today was unsurprisingly bad, from the very beginning. but here's the good that i've got.

i read something lovely on cups today morning and it really made me feel good.

i had this huge overwhelming task to do today that was to clear up the home computer because i used the be the one using it during the pandemic and i saved a lot of files on it and my father wants to use it now but it's too slow because it has so much stored on it so he needs me to clear up storage. so i was to take everything on my pen drive. i dreaded it so much and oh my god that computer was so slow and the mouse won't work properly so i had to do everything using the keyboard and only right click with the mouse because the left click button won't work. the good part is that i was still able to take about 400 files onto my pen drive and have just a few left to do tomorrow.

my shower today was quite good as i washed my hair today. and my hair feels good after washing it. it's pretty smooth and silky and straight, not all bent in different directions (that can be quite a problem for me and i hate it).

i have been horribly tired and sleepy all day today but for a tiny bit in the evening, i felt awake and they was nice. i also got my cups work done and that was good too and it's something i really enjoy doing.

that's all for today, i'll get some sleep now and hopefully tomorrow goes better and i can get my schoolwork done.