jelousy
hey yall..
I don't know how to explain what I am going through. every time I talk with this girl in my school a huge ball of jealousy hits my face.
Let me explain...
oh n im in highschool, last year.
so this girl rgt? lets call her tina, she is pretty and is very fun to be around. im am the opposite I am very reserved and get along not that well with others. I don't know what to say when and all the insecurities keep me from talking. she is the exact opposite while not a super extrovert or anything she is playful with everyone. she is somebody you want to be around with while I am somebody who u don't care much but just exists there...
now this is the first reason why I am jealous for her...you know when you want to be someone u like imitate them unconsciously? I do that now n then. I didn't realise it at first then another girl, tinas closest friend in school said that I act like tina...I...idk what to say. I felt called out n I felt inferior almost. I became more silent.
now today. im at my peak jealousy n lowest self. she sent a text in our group a message her dad sent...something like this:
"You know papa loves you so much.. its just that I get angry seeing the way you treat food.
I'm sorry I yelled.
And you... you went to sleep without even saying goodnight or bye to papa.. but thats okay.
Take care
Luv you"
I felt like crying bro. *** i am crying. its because my dad would never say things like that to me, I don't remember the time he said he loves me, even my mom. he shouts at me most of the time. disrespects me other time just you know exists there. I believe that (I like to believe) that he actually likes me n does not know how to show it. but its getting hard to justify day by day. I see him acting all playful with my cousins but when it comes to me n my brother...
I don't want to go into detail. But you know sometimes wish I had a dad who would say all these stuff to me...
im not jealous because of this one text. I have seen her dad few times n he is always so affectionate n caring about tina. he is writer (as a hobby kinda) n on his first book he gifted one copy to her and wrote a very sweet note on the front page.
my dad just keeps a distance. I just want a normal relationship with him, and my mom.
I always get jealous of my friends...I just cant help it. I cant say anything aloud because I f I do everything I have bottled up past years will a spill out. And im so ashamed that im like this. I wish I was different, I wish I was like her...
the grass is always greener on the other side eh?
im sorry if this post is very out of the place and not in order. I just wanted it to get out of my chest. take this as a confessional.
Hey, sorry I guess that no one's replied yet.
I know it's hard not having a dad who would show caring like that. Mine was usually negative or out working or doing other things. Do you think your dad just kinda doesn't know how to show things like that? Or is it more that he wouldn't want to?
As for the jealousy, maybe use Tina as a template for things you might want to change... But her life isn't perfect either, you're probably going to end up better suited to something that fits you. Because I don't think the problem is with you. You just react and adjust to the world differently, and that's ok. Anyway, is Tina a friend of yours also?
@Torean
i dont know...i think my dad likes me but doesnt know how to show it...
i like to think it like that, who knows what he actually thinks...
me n tina are classmates and casual friends..
thanks for replying 💛
I'm sure that he does; I think you'd know if if he didn't. Do you think you could have a talk with him about it?
And maybe if she's a casual friend of yours, you could kind of talk with her about it too. I don't know how many times I had friends say they were jealous of me, but I had to put things in perspective, it wasn't always how it appeared to them. Not that I had a horrible life back then, but my family was pretty dysfunctional.
And no problem! 😁
@Torean
no having a talk with any of my parents would be like talking to a wall..it would somehow either end up being that im the problem or either they would sweep it entirely under the rug..
and about talking to her...idk we are not that close. opening up and saying that im jelous of you wont be so nice ***...
i will just bottle it up for now.
sorry to hear about your family, i hope u r in a better place now...
Eesh, makes sense about your friend, but sorry your parents are like that. It was just a thought. My other thought was just maybe trying to spend time with him, if he's open to it?
I'm in a better place now yeah. Same place honestly, but it's better.
Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side. As you are only seeing the good parts of her life but not the bad ones. Sometimes you could have a bad period and feel very down even for years, then it gets good and you regret ever feeling bad someone had it better because now they are having their bad times. The world is like that. I think to get over your negative feelings you might need to first realize that it can get better for you. and second to know what that better is. You mentioned people wanted to be near Tina. So do you think her personality is very good or do you wish people appreciated you like they do her? For starters being liked because you aren't yourself is one of the worst things you can experience. Not knowing whether you are worthy of love or is it the other persona.
So my guess is you'd want to be liked for you. But what if you are not popular with all people? What if only 1/1000 people want you?
Then it's still better than having all the 1000 people want someone else you're acting like.
What if you were the best version of yourself that YOU wanted to be? For example, maybe you wanted to study well and help others with stuff, or maybe you wanted to be more courageous or the best at a certain hobby, or understand yourself more. Then maybe you'd get 10/1000 people who would like you for you?
Why not? people are a number's game. You keep trying till you find the ones that match you. Even if most don't care for you. Do you care for them?
Just because Tina is more liked or has a nicer family, doesn't mean she is happier or better than you. What do you want? if it's a good relationship, then you can make it with time.
Don't look down on yourself. Someone out there thinks that you are the best person ever.
Sorry for yapping too much, I wish you well and that you can see the good in yourself one day, or realize that it doesn't matter whatsoever as long as you become who you want.
@FictionAddiction123
Thanks for this 💛. It really means a lot, and you’re right—I should focus on being myself. I’ll try to keep that in mind....