Trying to figure out what is wrong with my Mom
(I"m sorry, but this is going to be a really long one.) My Mother has been mentally ill her entire life but we have never been able to get a proper diagnosis for what exactly is wrong with her. She refuses to admit that there IS anything wrong and the very few times either myself or her own parents have been able to drag her to see a mental health professional she refuses to cooperate with them. I was hoping if I listed off some of her symptoms someone here might reccognize them and be able to point me in a direction to get her some help. Its's been hard to pinpoint because, I believe, she suffers from multiple disorders. So I guess I'll start with the biggest problems and work my way down.
1. She has what she calls "repressed memories" (wich are actually delusions or false memories.) They started about 10 years ago. (I go into more detail about them in this earlier post: https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipSupport_66/FamilyRelationships_44/Dealingwithamentallyillparentwhorefusestogettreatment_120505/ ) She had been drinking a lot and crying a lot at the time and then suddenly found religion, got "saved", got sober, and claimed that "Jesus has been reavealing the hidden things that were done to her in her past." All of her delusions are either grandiose or very very dark. They mostly involve being raped and abused by almost everyone she has had contact with. She also totally believes that she has had ongoing, years long, sexual and romantic relationships with multiple celebrities. The thing is they are absolutely not lies. She's one of the most scrupulously honest people I've ever met. Honest often to her own detriment. She completely believes these things really happened to her and no amount of pointing out how ridiculous it is will convince her otherwise.
2. She has serious problems with any kind of authority figure. Parents, teachers, bosses, cops, the landlady (especially the landlady,) doctors, etc. She is stubborn and obstinate beyond the point of sanity. If anyone she sees as an authority figure tries to push her to do anything she will go the oposite way, even if it means her own detriment. She can't hold down a steady job because she won't take any kind of direction from bosses or supervisors. She has technically always been self employed but working inside a shop and she constantly gets let go because of petty disagreements with the owners over small details. (Side issue: she has now been unemployed for 5 years because of this and I provide 100% of her financial support.)
3. A violent and suddenly explosive temper. I never know what is going to set her off. She has never been physically agressive but is extremely verbally abusive. When she blows up she screams and screams and screams until she runs out of steam. May be for 5 minutes or may be for 5 hours. And then she's done. like nothing ever happened.
4. Paranoia and extreme distrust of anybody new. "People have been breaking into the house and eating our food and messing with our computer and possibly raping us in our sleep." She believes that the whole world exists just to hurt her. (She raised me to think the same way... boy did that take a lot of getting over.) She has hated everyone I have ever been friends with for at least the first 6 months they are in my life and took every opportunity to bad mouth them and tell me how they are terrible influences and they're going to ruin my life. After that she accepts them completely as a member of the family.
5. Everything she does, she does to extremes. She goes over the top, hardcore, fanatical about stuff. The biggest example would be when she "got Jesus" when I was 11 she went so deep into it that even my nice Christian grandparents were like "daaayum getting her saved was a mistake."
ok, so those are the big ones, I'll breifly list off a few more things I don't think are bad enough to be part of an actual disorder but are worth mentioning anyway, just in case.
She has a super high sex drive and a very dirty mind (like to the point I'd call it a fixation) both of which she is totally ashamed of and tries to supress because, well, you know... Jesus.
She has a victim complex and nothing is ever her fault.
She gets overwhelmed easily and gets panicky then shuts down completely. This happens especially when she is trying to learn something new.
Shes scatter brained and rambles constantly
She's clingy, needy, posessive and controlling. Not sneaky enough to be manipulative tho, but is the queen of guilt trips.
Uuuummmm... that's all I can really think of for now. If you've made it this far, thanks for sticking with me. Any light anybody can shed, or any advice y'all can give I really appreciate <3
I am not an expert, and I'm just guessing, but my guess would be that your mom has a personality disorder. The types of personality disorder are complicated, and experts disagree on how to classify them. So, even if I guessed right, it doesn't help you much.
In practical terms, your local laws might provide you with a way to force her to be assessed and then treated by an experienced psychiatrist, even if she doesn't want to. For more information you could ask a local legal advice service, a lawyer experienced in mental health law, or any experienced psychiatrist. You might even be able to find information about this on the Internet, but make sure it applies in the place where you are.
@RarelyCharlie No, my grandmother got fed up a few years back and checked into it. Here no one over the age of 18 can be forced to undergo psychiatric care without thier consent without a court order. Which is only given if the person is deemed to be an immediate danger to themself or others. And even then they can only be held in the state mental hospital for 72 hours maximum, less if a Dr says they're fine. And she's real good at pretending to be fine in front of doctors.
@AbsurdBook399
Not a health professional but what about trauma? Would explain almost all symptoms here I think.
@Booklover95 Mom claims she has PTSD, but the thing is, she claims she has it from things that never happened. I think it's very likely that she actually was sexually abused somewhere along the line, but since she claims she was raped by EVERYBODY I don't even know where to begin to help her get to the bottom or get some closure or even what to do at all.
@AbsurdBook399
Hum indeed sounds like an odd situation, but let's consider what you said, the abusing part when she was younger. That type of abuse can people make later on very angry, with low tolorance for things. Since they never coped before they lash at others.
Of course we aren't sure if it's the case, but it does make some sense if it is.
@Booklover95 I'm pretty sure she was actually sexually abused as a child. if I had to guess I'd say the most likely candidate was her uncle. even my grandparents will admit he had some demons. I don't think that would account for her hatred of authority, however, so ther's got to be a teacher or something in there too. but my grandmother says that she has been mentally off since she was like 4 or 5. I've never really asked her what Mom did that made her think that, that's one I have to look into further.
The Additional Mental Health Support category has move to sit within Get Support (soon to be renamed General Support)