On Disability, confused about how to deal with payee keeping the monry
I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, and Depression. The depression used to be minor because it was more Bipolar, but lately has worsened to the point that I no longer enjoy anything. I seem to have lost the ability to feel happiness, joy, or satisfaction somehow. I am also an addict - the drugs the doctors put me on are worthless placebos to me, and the only thing that's ever helped is hard drugs. Believe it or not though, that's only a small part the problem I need help with.
When I was released from a psychiatric facility a couple years ago I moved back in with my mother, and with her help was able to finally obtain Disability/Medicaide/etc. They sent me back-pay of around $5000. I did not touch this money and left it in a bank account that my Mom co-manages (they don't trust me enough to give the money to me). I also get around $800/month, and pay her #300/mo. rent. The rest of the monthly check went into my savings account (to go toward a car, or home, or some future disaster). But I noticed the amount kept decreasing instead of increasing.
One day I asked, just to reassure myself it was still there, what the amount was, and it had gone down to $3000, without me buying ANYTHING. Mom is a staunchly moral, Christian woman who I'd never known to lie (until this mess). But it got worse: she asked if I wanted to buy my sister's old car for about $1200 - which I did, without knowing it needed a lot of repair work. Without asking me, she used the remaining money in the account to pay for the repairs. I was broke now, but at least I jad a car to show for it, right? Wrong.
Soon after, while I was researching and coming to realize I could never afford the insurance to actually drive the thing, my sister fell ill. Seriously ill, has to breathe through a machine and needs a lung transplant. Since she could no longer afford payments on her extravagant car, our mother offered to let her use the one I went broke paying for. She did this quite without my knowledge or permission. My sis immediately, promptly, wrecked it. Without insurance.
They were able to borrow enough from family to get it repaired again, but she's STILL driving it, and I've not heard a word of thanks or gratitude from her, incidentally. But it's not like I can just tell my sister, who's suffering so much right now, to give the car back or pay me back the money before it's too late and she's dead.
When I've tried to initiate a discussion about how I'm supposed to get my car/money back, my mother plays the "Do you have any idea how much I've spent on you in your lifetime?" Which isn't exactly fair - that money, by law, was supposed to go to me, to help me get my life back on track, maybe pay for some kind of school tuition, clothes for me, food, and maybe gifts for my little boy. Instead, she seems to take great care to remind him of the my and ineffectuality at every turn (ever hear of something called "Grandmother Hunger"? She's got it bad).
I'm not insensitive to my sister's plight. I just don't like how I've been manipulated and lied to because they both felt entitled to that little pittance of petty cash that was the most money I've ever had at one time in my life (sad, I know...trade lives with me?).
Please help me decide what to do. I CAN actually file a complaint with the social security people, but it would likely result in me becoming instantly homeless when she had to answer for it. She might even be charged criminally, which I don't want. I swear, I jave problems that no one else in the history of the world has ever had before, so there's no precedent to guide me.
Nobody? Not one person here has even a single word of advice? Maybe I didn't word things right, Communication is not my strong suit. Have no idea what I said to make my post unworthy of any response from anyone. Oh well. Probably just comes down to yet another ***-sandwich I get to eat.
**** all y'all, everybody on here. Someone posts a cute, self-serving comment about how much they love their lives & how great everything's going and get's flooded with likes and cloying, saccharine responses of affirmation beyond count. "You go girl!" we say to someone that's just described another routinely flawless day in a life untroubled by the merest discomfort or inconvenience. That's what people applaud here. I'm done with this. I'm an idiot - what a waste of time.
@WTF0am0I0gonna0do I'm sorry that no one has replied to you yet. I know it's frustrating. A lot of the time people might shy away from replying because they're not sure what to say or how to reply.
Unfortunately about the only thing you could do is to file that complaint but like you said there would be some repercussions and might result in criminal charges
Neither of them had any right to that money and it's disturbing that she felt justified to take it and then tell you that she spent all this money on you over the course of your life. It doesn't sound very christian of her all the way around. From the lying and manipulating to the stealing and finger pointing. Nor does it sound like it when it comes to your son. She shouldn't be telling him things like that because it seems like she's trying to turn him against you.
I've never heard of grandmother hunger and Google wasn't very forthcoming with answers so I'll have to look into it a little more later
I don't think you're an idiot for expecting something more from here. And in all honesty there's often too much forced positivity. It's actually little weird how this place is supposed to be for emotional and mental support but yet she. people are at their lowest they usually go on break from this place. It's always seemed backward to me
So I'm thinking you get a sum of money each month for disability? I would get a different account and keep the information from both of them. If your funds are deposited directly each month and they can't access it you should be able to build it back up but it'll take time. You pay 300 to her a month for rent. Tell her you're only going to give her 200 and see how she reacts to it. Then maybe take it from there. If she gets angry and defensive it's probably because she knows what she did was wrong. If she has a problem with you keeping 100 off your rent you could try to threaten her with filing a complaint. I know it doesn't give you back the lump sum you had but it could help you save it back up. But only you can see if that's a good idea. I'm not sure where you live but in some places you can't just be kicked out. She would have to give you at least 30 days (legally) but I can't promise that
Chances are nothing I said here is of much use or help. It's really not fair or right what your family did to you
Many are likely wary of giving advice, as this isn't an advice platform and the majority of us are not mental health professionals of any kind but rather just other members. Reading a post like this, there's limited context, and people bring their own assumptions that may not be helpful to your situation. No one wants to give improper guidance to those who are already struggling. I think sometimes people try anyway, to show care in acknowledging someone's requests for concrete solutions. I'll do what I can in that respect.
It makes sense to me that you would be upset about your disability money being utilized without your permission. I think it makes sense being included in all decisions related to that. That doesn't mean I think it would be good to lose tact and become outwardly angry now. That is just a pragmatic point. Maybe a place to start would be attempting to communicate to your mother clearly that you don't want money that's for disability to be used elsewhere for any reason. There may be defensiveness, but I think being calm, patient, and firm is often a more effective communication style in terms of getting results. It could be essential in this situation, not only to making things better, but to not making things worse. Maybe later, depending on how that goes, you can initiate a conversation on the same subject again, but this time explaining why those funds are being provided to you in the first place (as in your genuine need based on a legitimate mental health condition) and how they could be used to create important or maybe even fundamental changes in your life (I don't know your situation well enough).
I'm sorry that you've had to deal with all this while living with a mental illness. I totally understand feeling alone, even that that your problems are hopelessly unique. As an emotion that may be more common than you realize.