Another day of anxiety
Another day and another day of dealing with anxiety. It's exhausting. Every day is the same fight, the same fatigue, the same feeling as though I can't be myself.. ever.
Why is my brain fighting against my conscious urge to just be normal .. be free. Every day I have dangerous thoughts because I don't know whether I can continue to be a lesser person than what I should be .. what I need to be. Why can't I just be me?
ah well
I feel the same way. It feels like a never ending cycle that I'm forced to push through everyday and it never gets easier. I wonder how long I'll be able to continue this type of life. What will happen when I reach all those milestones that I tell myself I have to reach to get better and I don't? Will that be it? Am I only holding on because I have these goals?
It is exhausting. I call it 'the mind of a monkey'.
Some people have used meditation to help. Although I don't practice that particular 'flavor' of meditation, David Lynch (the director) set up a foundation that teaches Transcendental Meditation to those who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, students in urban schools, and many others and it has shown to have a positive effect. (I personally don't believe that any type of meditation can be dangerous, but I'm not an expert.) You may want to try looking on youtube for guided meditations and see what you find and if any 'feel' right to you. That's what is important.
I hope you continue to find the courage.
Oh my dear friend, let me begin by telling you, you are normal, every single little bit of you is normal! Everybody is different, and everybody is normal in our own way, we are all unique individuals with our own special qualities. Anxiety is a horrid thing to try and control, but let me tell you this, anxiety is the fear of the unknown, when we are not prepared, or when we worry, our anxiety kicks in as a protection barrier, a defence mechanism we send our brains into over drive because it's our way of preparing ourselves for what is about to happen, weather this is big or small! It's our way of coping. The trick is to focus on the here and now, don't look to far ahead, focus on the here and now, plough your energies into that, and focus on what is real and present.
A friend made me realise the other day, when we feel we are a mess, coping with the symptoms of anxiety, no one from the outside can see this! The feelings are happening inside, and we can hide them, our exterior posture is stronger than ever, giving of appearance of self belief and confidence, no one can knock you down dear, I understand anxiety is incredibly exhausting, but you have come this far! You are a fighter, you are winning your war, battle by battle, I have belief you will reach the end because you are a healthy wealthy contender.
Good luck to you, and please be kind to yourself @Dumbo
Hi @professionalPerspective60
Thank you for replying first of all. I really appreciate it.
What I mean by "why can't i just be me" is that when my anxiety is under control, I am free to be myself. When my anxiety is not under control, I'm completely different and not as nice..
I think that's why people avoid me when my anxiety is up ..
Hey there @Dumbo, I understand completely what you mean by this, and all I can say is, when our anxiety is at a high, you know as well as I do it can be pretty hard to manage, we can give off the wrong signals to people, and appear irritable, aggravated, short tempered, I honestly think in my case, people tend to "keep there distance" because they don't want to be on the receiving end of my attitude, and why should they? It's my problem and insecurities I have to control and manage without the pressure of upsetting others, because when this also happens, the guilt kicks in too.
Have you ever thought people may keep there distance, not because they don't like this side of you, but, because they understand this side of you? And By keeping there distance and avoiding you, this is their way of helping you, not making things worse for you, not adding extra pressure on you!
I think you also need to remember just how hard it is keeping your anxiety under control, which very clearly you can, and not to beat yourself up, when there are times that you can't. We all have blips, its allowed, and it's okay, you are dealing anxiety, and doing a fine job, you have anxiety, I have anxiety, but anxiety hasn't got us because we fight we fight back!
I wish you well Dumbo, you have got this, I just feel it. Take care of you.