New Year isn't so New

New year for me started off with this big wsve of sadness. I cannot wish my loved ones because I'm not being able to type it properly. my brain is telling me that this year is just like the last one, and the previous, and the previous. I'm just hiding behind my screen watching everyone celebrate. It feels nice to see the people celebrating everything. I wish i was better. I wish i was younger to not know all this trauma that dwelves inside of me. I wish.