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loyalBlueberry7653
8,794 M Pacing Forward
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts592 Forum posts51 Forum upvotes207 Current upvotes207 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceApril 1, 2023
Recent forum posts
New Year isn't so New
General Support / by loyalBlueberry7653
Last post
 January 6th
...See more New year for me started off with this big wsve of sadness. I cannot wish my loved ones because I'm not being able to type it properly. my brain is telling me that this year is just like the last one, and the previous, and the previous. I'm just hiding behind my screen watching everyone celebrate. It feels nice to see the people celebrating everything. I wish i was better. I wish i was younger to not know all this trauma that dwelves inside of me. I wish. 
I miss my listener friend.
General Support / by loyalBlueberry7653
Last post
 October 6th, 2023
...See more i miss my friend blissfulsky8162. its not the same without her. i remember her taking my chat and she had to recommend another listener for me because she could not help me with mine but even then she made sure i felt better. she was an inspiratn to me. i really hope she gets better soon because nothing really feels te same.i tried so many other listners and they all just remind me about how crap i am. i wish u get better soon bliss. 
Maybe I am selfish
General Support / by loyalBlueberry7653
Last post
 October 6th, 2023
...See more Maybe i am selfish for wanting a life where i wanted to live not survive Maybe i was selfish to feel atleast a tiny bit of happiness in my daily life Maybe i was selfish for wanting to recover from all the trauma It's not a maybe. I am selfish and it led me to destruction. I never knew my actions would lead me to even more pain. I thought i was finally getting better. I really thought. Thoughts don't have value right. They're all in your mind. All in my mind. I started feeling a bit hopeful and that's where it all ended. I'm not meant to feel happy. I'm just meant to be sad all day, all year, all my life. I did not mean to do what i did but i really wished it worked. Because maybe then i would have finally felt peace. I'm tired now. Tired of life. Tired of people, tired of everything. I am selfish. Completely selfish.
I need a listener
General Support / by loyalBlueberry7653
Last post
 October 2nd, 2023
...See more I need a listener who's ready to listen to my problem. My category would come under tw// depression, self harm, anxiety. I'd like to have listeners who are ready to listen and not judge me. Please. I really need help.
Once a patient, always a patient
General Support / by loyalBlueberry7653
Last post
 September 14th, 2023
...See more 'Once a patient, always a patient' This hit me hard. My teacher was talking about job prospects. When it came to psychiatry, he mentioned, 'such doctors have a fixed income because once a patient, always a patient' It sank deep into my heart. I'm a patient. I'm always a patient. I'm forever, a patient. There's no going back from my diagnosis. I cannot erase it. No one can cure it. It's a disease with no cure, only management. And all the diseases i have have no cure. It's sad when we think like that. The fact that i have to visit doctors occasionally and forever. I'm always a patient.
I just want to scream
Anxiety Support / by loyalBlueberry7653
Last post
 September 14th, 2023
...See more I am tired of everything for real i just want to scream out loud aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
A funny yet saddening incident
General Support / by loyalBlueberry7653
Last post
 September 14th, 2023
...See more Today, something funny yet saddening happened to me. i dont have anyone to share it with so its you all As i was in my class listening to the teacher, the teacher called me out and asked me why i looked so sleepy, tired and sad. ( i wasnt sleepy or tired though). I just said no I'm not and left it. The teacher then told the whole class to list one of the main reasons as to why i might be tired. He was expecting the answer anemia and hypothyroidism but the students answers were the funniest. One said bipolar disorder, one said anxiety, one said depression. The teacher was like, 'stop calling your friend bipolar, they aren't bipolar' , when someone said anxiety the teacher said 'no, they do not have anxiety' it was really funny because i am bipolar, i have an anxiety disorder, i am depressed XD I just never told any of them that i am. I wanted to laugh badly about how true they were and how wrong the teacher was to say, no they do not have any of these. But at the same time i just cannot believe, how i am just a package of mental illnesses mised up and made into a person. Today, another person told me that i look so tired and that made me wonder, do i actually look that tired? I never felt like it. It's probably because i eat once a day or sometimes even nothing the whole day because of another chronic illness. Nevertheless, it was funny and sad when i imagined all of these together. Maybe if i was not a package of mental and physical illnesses put up together, i would've been an icon lol.
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