How do you let go of obsession with someone?
I have been told that this young man tried to make me obsessed with him by doing all of this. I am interested to see if this is what everyone thinks? I just hoped that he cared about me a little bit. When we would talk in person before he messaged me on social media, he was so fun and nice. It all changed once he messaged me and he barely talked to me in person anymore and still doesn’t. Has anyone had a similar experience? Does anyone have an opinion on why he is being the way he is? How can I forget about him if he has moved on? Thank you so much for your feedback!
THE STORY
I was coaxed into having an emotional affair with a man 10 years younger than me. He initiated everything, the flirting, the friend requests and messaging on social media. I was leery of it at first since I am married, but I did have a crush on him as well. I haven’t been attracted to my husband for years and I have had a hard time with that. I thought this guy contacting me was too good to be true. It has been an entire year since this all started.
Even before I started flirting back, he would all of a sudden drop out of our conversations. He would wait hours to look at my last message and then not reply to it. I would mention that it seemed like he was avoiding talking to me. He would just make excuses like he had a stressful day or something like that. Then a few days would pass and he would come back messaging me again. I would sometimes start the conversations but sometimes he would. Eventually we started talking a lot more when we went to another social media. We started sharing pictures a lot also and he started flirting even more than normal.
On the new social media, he eventually started dropping out of conversations again. So I asked him about it again. He made excuses again, but later said it was because he was feeling guilty since I am married. I told him how I felt about him and then he started ignoring my messages. He said that “I came in hot” and that “it’s not that deep for him”. Well I was embarrassed about this and quit trying to talk to him. Then only 3 days later, he saw me in person and messaged me the next morning about how good I looked. He was then talking to me almost every day again.
He started initiating that we “get naked” while talking a couple different times. I am not ok with sending nude pictures. The first time it happened, I just tried to change the subject, but he then started ignoring me for several days. Then the second time he tried it, I just didn’t answer for a while trying to avoid it. He once again started ignoring me. I told him I was sorry that he probably felt rejected. I told him that I am just not ok with sending pictures like that. He kept on ignoring all of my messages. He then deleted me from both social medias but he didn’t block me. I could still message him. He avoided me in person the next day when I saw him. I waited a few days and then sent him one more message that said I hoped that we could at least be ok at the restaurant again and have fun like we used to. He ignored that message as well.
I saw him and week later at the restaurant. He tried to smile and wave at me, but I acted like I didn’t see it. The next morning, he sent me a friend request again. A few days later he messaged me again. We talked that day and later on started sharing pictures. He was talking about how good I looked. He then asked me if I was sexually attracted to him. I told him that I am. He then said he had thought about me for a long time. I asked him how long and he said since he had found out about his “biggest turn on.” I told him I hoped that it was because I was nice too. He said “well of course.” I also told him I hoped he thought I was smart and that I think he’s very smart which is very attractive to me. He ignored that comment and went back to talking sexually. He sent me very provocative pictures and videos. He asked what we would do if I was there with him and talked about sexual positions. He hinted he wanted a picture so I sent one of me in my underwear to him. He acted like he really liked it. I do not know how to talk dirty so I wasn’t really able to contribute to that part of the conversation. He has always talked about how innocent and modest I am since we started talking. He told me that now I know that he is very dirty. He said that he thinks I would maybe pass out if he said what he wanted to to me. He said he’s convinced I’ve never even thought the things he says.
After we were done talking, he told me that he was getting off of the internet for the night. He normally would not warn me that he was doing that and would just drop off. I thought that was nice of him. I did ask him not to keep the pictures of me and he said he wouldn’t. I got worried about someone eventually finding out what I did. The next day, he did not message me. I waited a few days and never heard from him. I messaged him and tried to start a friendly conversation. He barely replied to anything and then read my last message. I tried a few more times and the same thing happened each time.
It has been a month now and he still has not tried to have a real conversation with me. I saw him in the restaurant last week and he talked to me in person a little bit and acted like nothing was wrong. I got a little annoyed and was not super friendly. I felt bad and messaged him the next morning and said I was sorry I wasn’t myself. He said he “could tell something was up.” He did talk to me throughout the day just a little bit and even messaged me the next morning for a little while. We just talked about an injury he recently had and that was it. I did mention that I did hope everything was ok between us and that I promised that I had liked what he sent. He read that and didn’t reply.
I saw him yesterday, and he waved at me but I wasn’t looking. I did eventually wave at him and he said “how are you” as he walked by. He didn’t smile much like he normally would have and he didn’t try to come talk to me at all.
