passionateEast518 Member Profile

It’s hard when it seems like someone doesn’t want to be your friend

Relationship Stress / by passionateEast518

July 25th, 2023

...See more So I met this man at his place of work that I go to a lot a little over a year ago now. To make a long story short, he ended up having a crush on me and started talking to me a lot when I came in. I am married and 9 years older than him. I really liked him and thought he was nice. He eventually contacted me on social media and he was a lot of fun to talk to and so smart. He did flirt a lot and I tried to just keep things friendly. I do have marriage issues and self esteem issues. He would drop out of our conversations a lot and I really wanted to keep talking to him. So unfortunately, I started flirting back with him and knew that would keep his attention. I did find him very attractive and I couldn’t believe someone who looked like that would think I was attractive. Again, my self esteem issues and marriage issues came in to play here. He did the hot and cold thing a lot, especially if I didn’t follow his level of flirting. He wanted me to *** with him and tried a few times. I avoided it but I eventually did send him a picture of me in my underwear once. He was very excited when he asked me if I was sexually attracted to him and I admitted that I was. He hinted that he wanted a picture after he had sent me some pictures after I told him that I was attracted to him. He had been telling me all the time about how innocent I am and it makes him feel like a heather. After the ***, he told me that now I know that he’s very dirty. He did send some very dirty photos and videos. Immediately after this happened, I felt horrible and very guilty. So I told my husband what happened. He has been very understanding and is willing to work it out with me. After the ***, the other man did not talk to me for over a month. I tried to start some friendly conversations with him so maybe I could tell him about how bad I feel about what I did. I am a Christian, and I do not believe in cheating. I have been feeling horrible about such a bad example that I set for him and I caused him to sin. I had let myself get carried away in the feelings of lust I had for him. I had never really felt like that about anyone before. That is one of the issues I have had with my husband. I married him looking past that, having been taught that it isn’t all about looks. I still agree with that, but I know it’s important to be attracted to your husband as well. I’ve been praying for help with this. Eventually, the man did start to talk to me a little bit again. He was nice and just had some friendly conversations with me. I was really still afraid to bring up what we had done. I didn’t know how to do it without him getting freaked out. He’s pretty immature from what I’ve discovered and avoids any confrontation. He also just really didn’t seem to want to talk to me very much, even after he would start the conversations himself. A few weeks ago, he started a conversation with me and then started talking about my body again. I just tried to keep it friendly and he immediately dropped lot of the conversation. I was really disappointed because I had thought he maybe was trying to be my friend. I for some reason still really liked him and wanted to still be his friend. I thought maybe there was a reason that God had brought him into my life. I tried a few times to talk to him after this and he barely answered and then ignored my last message. I talked to some fellow Christians about what had happened and wanted to get some advice. They told me that I can’t be friends with him and were suggesting that I block him. They said it seems like the devil had used him to try to destroy my already fragile marriage. I agree that maybe that is what was going on. I was definitely sinning sexually and I know that was wrong. I just still didn’t want to cut him out of my life. I do think he is a decent person deep down, even after the way he has treated me. I know about his home life, and it wasn’t very good growing up. He didn’t have a good example for a father and that is important for someone to have. And being a Christian, I know that’s the most important thing to be in life. He was not taught that growing up either. I did take a little offense that he had completely been ignoring me and I took that as he didn’t want me in his life at all anymore. I decided to just not even acknowledge him when I would see him in public. I think he did try to get my attention a couple times when he walked by me and I just acted like I didn’t see him. I then started to worry this may have hurt his feelings. He doesn’t really know how to handle his emotions it seems, which again I believe comes from his abusive father. Well I was reading my Bible, and a verse came up about praying for those that do you wrong. It made me feel like I needed to pray for him since he had hurt my feelings and of course because he isn’t saved and needs Jesus. So I have been praying for him and also feeling bad that I had been ignoring him instead of at least waving back at him or saying hi. I just felt like that wasn’t me being a good example. He had even in the past told me that I smiled a lot and that said a lot that he noticed that about me. I had been really struggling with whether to ever try to talk to him again. With all the advice of not to talk to him and block him, but me also still feeling guilt and really wanting to be his friend. I read the Bible this morning and the verse talked about not repaying wrong for wrong. I thought about how I had been being rude to him. So I decided to try and have a friendly conversation with him and try one last time. I was scared he may hurt my feelings again. To my surprise, he actually answered. He was very happy and enthusiastic, so I mentioned that to him. He told me that he had actually been to church that morning. I told him that was great and I was really happy he was doing so well. I told him that I had actually felt like I needed to pray for him and had been. I told him that I thought he had seemed kind of depressed and I felt like I should pray for him in that area. He said “You have?! Thank you!!” Again, this is very enthusiastic for him and he has rarely told me thank you for anything. I told him you’re welcome and I told him that he is welcome to come to church with me anytime and I would be really happy if he did. He said he would definitely let me know if he wanted to come with me. I went ahead and asked if he had gotten saved at church since he seemed so happy. (That is how I believe you get to Heaven for anyone that doesn’t know that.). He told me that he “isn’t even close to that yet.” I told him that that is ok. I tried to keep the conversation going with him and asked if he liked the music at church since he loves music. I told him some of my favorite Christian artists. He didn’t read that text until over an hour later and he didn’t end up answering me. I am now kind of disappointed and worried. I am kind of scared maybe I freaked him out and was too bold. I was just so happy that he was doing so much better and that maybe he had been saved at church. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked him that? I really hope he wants to be my friend, but now I’m scared he won’t ever talk to me again. If there are any of you who pray, please pray that he continues to go to church and feels like he can come to me if he has any questions or prayer requests. I did tell him that today as well. Should I not be trying to be his friend? Should I have tried to talk to him about how I was inappropriate when I had the chance today? This has all just been so hard for me. I am feeling encouraged and discouraged at the same time. I just want him to be happy and I don’t want him to avoid me. I hope he can maybe be my friend since that is all I have to offer him. I do still care about him after everything. I really hope it isn’t just trauma bonding like some people have suggested. It seems like maybe today was God showing me that maybe I did and can make a difference in his life.

How do you let go of obsession with someone?

General Support / by passionateEast518

July 6th, 2023

...See more I have been told that this young man tried to make me obsessed with him by doing all of this. I am interested to see if this is what everyone thinks? I just hoped that he cared about me a little bit. When we would talk in person before he messaged me on social media, he was so fun and nice. It all changed once he messaged me and he barely talked to me in person anymore and still doesn’t. Has anyone had a similar experience? Does anyone have an opinion on why he is being the way he is? How can I forget about him if he has moved on? Thank you so much for your feedback! THE STORY I was coaxed into having an emotional affair with a man 10 years younger than me. He initiated everything, the flirting, the friend requests and messaging on social media. I was leery of it at first since I am married, but I did have a crush on him as well. I haven’t been attracted to my husband for years and I have had a hard time with that. I thought this guy contacting me was too good to be true. It has been an entire year since this all started. Even before I started flirting back, he would all of a sudden drop out of our conversations. He would wait hours to look at my last message and then not reply to it. I would mention that it seemed like he was avoiding talking to me. He would just make excuses like he had a stressful day or something like that. Then a few days would pass and he would come back messaging me again. I would sometimes start the conversations but sometimes he would. Eventually we started talking a lot more when we went to another social media. We started sharing pictures a lot also and he started flirting even more than normal. On the new social media, he eventually started dropping out of conversations again. So I asked him about it again. He made excuses again, but later said it was because he was feeling guilty since I am married. I told him how I felt about him and then he started ignoring my messages. He said that “I came in hot” and that “it’s not that deep for him”. Well I was embarrassed about this and quit trying to talk to him. Then only 3 days later, he saw me in person and messaged me the next morning about how good I looked. He was then talking to me almost every day again. He started initiating that we “get naked” while talking a couple different times. I am not ok with sending nude pictures. The first time it happened, I just tried to change the subject, but he then started ignoring me for several days. Then the second time he tried it, I just didn’t answer for a while trying to avoid it. He once again started ignoring me. I told him I was sorry that he probably felt rejected. I told him that I am just not ok with sending pictures like that. He kept on ignoring all of my messages. He then deleted me from both social medias but he didn’t block me. I could still message him. He avoided me in person the next day when I saw him. I waited a few days and then sent him one more message that said I hoped that we could at least be ok at the restaurant again and have fun like we used to. He ignored that message as well. I saw him and week later at the restaurant. He tried to smile and wave at me, but I acted like I didn’t see it. The next morning, he sent me a friend request again. A few days later he messaged me again. We talked that day and later on started sharing pictures. He was talking about how good I looked. He then asked me if I was sexually attracted to him. I told him that I am. He then said he had thought about me for a long time. I asked him how long and he said since he had found out about his “biggest turn on.” I told him I hoped that it was because I was nice too. He said “well of course.” I also told him I hoped he thought I was smart and that I think he’s very smart which is very attractive to me. He ignored that comment and went back to talking sexually. He sent me very provocative pictures and videos. He asked what we would do if I was there with him and talked about sexual positions. He hinted he wanted a picture so I sent one of me in my underwear to him. He acted like he really liked it. I do not know how to talk dirty so I wasn’t really able to contribute to that part of the conversation. He has always talked about how innocent and modest I am since we started talking. He told me that now I know that he is very dirty. He said that he thinks I would maybe pass out if he said what he wanted to to me. He said he’s convinced I’ve never even thought the things he says. After we were done talking, he told me that he was getting off of the internet for the night. He normally would not warn me that he was doing that and would just drop off. I thought that was nice of him. I did ask him not to keep the pictures of me and he said he wouldn’t. I got worried about someone eventually finding out what I did. The next day, he did not message me. I waited a few days and never heard from him. I messaged him and tried to start a friendly conversation. He barely replied to anything and then read my last message. I tried a few more times and the same thing happened each time. It has been a month now and he still has not tried to have a real conversation with me. I saw him in the restaurant last week and he talked to me in person a little bit and acted like nothing was wrong. I got a little annoyed and was not super friendly. I felt bad and messaged him the next morning and said I was sorry I wasn’t myself. He said he “could tell something was up.” He did talk to me throughout the day just a little bit and even messaged me the next morning for a little while. We just talked about an injury he recently had and that was it. I did mention that I did hope everything was ok between us and that I promised that I had liked what he sent. He read that and didn’t reply. I saw him yesterday, and he waved at me but I wasn’t looking. I did eventually wave at him and he said “how are you” as he walked by. He didn’t smile much like he normally would have and he didn’t try to come talk to me at all.

Sexual Predator Abuse: I would like some support and would like to hear if anyone else has a shared experience.

Women's Issues / by passionateEast518

July 3rd, 2023

Sexual Predator Victim

Relationship Stress / by passionateEast518

June 8th, 2023

Support needed

General Support / by passionateEast518

June 4th, 2023

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