How do I move forward from here?
I feel like a failure. I don't know how to keep up with everything that I have to do, and it doesn't help that I lack of motivation every single day. I feel guilty whenever I don't get all my goals or my mom's goal accomplished.
I feel like I just hurt people. I told one of my friends some pretty personal stuff and I made them worry. I feel selfish for sharing. Not to mention he later confessed feelings for me and I had to turn him down. I feel like I ruined my friendship by telling him. It's especially hard for me because I struggle to communicate my emotions and now I'm scared to tell people in my life about what's going on with me because of this situation.
I always feel like I shouldn't be complaining or stressed out because many people have it worse. One of my "friends" made it a point to tell me that when I tried to talk with them, reaffirming my feelings. I also have friends who struggle with depression and I guess I feel that they have a more legitimate reason for feeling that way? I know that may sound stupid.
I struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts, and some social anxiety. I don't know how to cope anymore. I've become so sealed off that my mom had to ask if I ever get stressed out. I thought that would've been obvious. I don't know anymore.
@Jynngr
Wow! This was me last year. I felt like a burden on people and find it hard to open up, feeling guilty for harming people or not having "good enough" reasons to be miserable. I was self harming and also suicidal with treatment resistant depression.
You are worth something. You are not a burden. Any problem is a valid problem. There is no gain from tearing yourself down with these extra guilts for not feeling grateful or happy, motivated or good because you are blessed with so many things. The amount of blessings you have or do not have does not equate to you having your specific needs met. Yes the basics (food, shelter, clothes etc) are there for you but humans are complex creatures once the basics are met they have additonal requirements like socialization, achievements and sense of purpose that they want to gain. It is normal to want other things to feel well. You don't need to feel guilty for how you feel. The reason why we have emotions is to tell us that there is something off with our lives so.we can make a change.
Take small steps, make small goals, and see how small wins can be motivating to keep going.
For example, right now decluttering my room was daunting and unpleasant but nessary. Been putting it off for months. Then a few days ago, I decided. I am only going to pick up once piece of paper and decide where it goes. Only one piece. Just one. Leave it at that. So I picked up one piece and threw it in the recycle bin. Thought it was riduculus and I will just do a few more. Then I noticed a pile gone and decided to do the next pile. I ended up cleaning up 1/3 of the mess. Another day I did another 1/3 and now have the last bit to do. But I feel so great about it. The room has a different feel.
Something small can grow into something big. Start with small wins.