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Why are there people who are only good when they need something from you?

generousJessss09 June 15th, 2023

Why are there people who are only good when they need something from you, but when you are the one who needs something from them, they don't care anymore? Maybe because we care? Maybe because of pity?. Maybe we just love.. Because we can't bear not helping them no matter what it is. There's nothing wrong with what we're doing, right? It's just sad when everything ends with "thank you" and starts again with "is it okay..." 😢😕💔

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toughTiger6481 June 15th, 2023

@generousJessss09

Not all people are it is just many seem to be ..... real friends are harder to find ....no one teaches how to be a good friend anymore

the social media world seems to inflate some sense of self importance in the world........... perhaps because they only see the world with them as the star of their own show ........ all the rest are bit players and support....

and a thumbs up or like check is all hey think they need to do to show support

1 reply
seashell145 June 15th, 2023

@toughTiger6481

You are so right and it makes me really sad and hopeless. I want to meet people who aren't self important.

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Conlan1028 June 15th, 2023

Sometimes people are like that because they don't have the privilege of being connected to people beyond a themselves with concepts like love and kindness. You aren't the victim for helping someone who doesn't want to help you, you are simply truly kind. Selfishness always makes us suffer because a world that only revolved around you is a very very small world, and sadly that's the world those selfish souls live in. So basically, if you should be kind to anyone, it should be especially to those who would never be kind to you.

Summershy June 15th, 2023

@generousJessss09

Those are known as one-sided relationships where they otherwise keep you at the bottom of their list so they can use you for things.

As for being a kind person, we attract these types of people because they think we are going to be too, "Nice" and don't have any boundaries.

MagnificentCloud803 June 15th, 2023

@generousJessss09

I think this is why it is so important to be selfish today. Even if it is the closest people in our circle, we never know who might take advantage of our gullibility. Sadly, this selfless behavior isn't really lauded today, in fact, it is looked down upon. My mother always told me to think for myself first and then put in effort for others if I have the time to.

Boundaries are nice, actually. They keep unwanted people in check and help us stay happy in our own space without feeling like we are being overly self-centered. It is hard, I know, to say that word which almost seems forbidden to golden and pure hearts: no. We never learn to deny, or refuse, because we have been taught that it's rude to say that.

Unfortunately, the world isn't the same anymore and we can't wait for someone to come and filter out all the bad people for us. We are going to have to do it ourselves. It's hard at first, but definitely not impossible. You may feel bad for turning down a lot of people, but, don't worry, after one moment you'll get used to it; and after that, it's going to make you happy. Helping others at the cost of failing yourself is the worst sin anybody could commit.

It's bad that we have to say this, but, you'll get used to it when you learn to say 'no'. Much love! ❤️

seashell145 June 15th, 2023

@generousJessss09

Mainly in the internet people who don't want to work on themselves come to satiate their emotional needs. They think they just need to find the right person to make their lives work but in reality they are skipping on the care they are supposed to give themselves, and then also skipping on the care they are supposed to give others. Just wasting their time searching. It's very easy to do in the internet. So I am hoping to meet some people offline who also hold the same ideology as me, that it's important to take care of ourselves and also give to the others when we can, when we have some energy left.

To be honest, I feel really bad how I get melted to those people who only wants me to please them. They think the only important thing in life is to establish yourself as an important and capable people, as if humans don't have physical and emotional vulnerability. I wanted to leave one of the groups run by them recently but right now I'm in a really difficult situation so I'm slowly gradually weaning myself off. I haven't fully been able to stop people please and be self sufficient, and I forgive myself for it. But my goal is to create healthy relationships where the other person also cares about me, that only establishing them as the star isn't their only priority. Even if I can't get it, I'll still be able to take care of myself I hope.

I hope this was helpful for you, your post struck a chord in me. Sending you lots of love dear soul <3