Was it my fault???

Trigger Warning: Details about Sexual Assault

i've never really said about it to anyone. this little event happened just few months ago at my place. it was my cousin. even though I knew he wanted something from me, i still went and met him at a kinda dark alley way sorta room, hoping we could talk and talk alone. but he had other plans. I was the one talking and he was just giving one word answers. after a five minutes of silence, he initiated it. he went in for a kiss, which made me freeze head to toe. he placed my hands on him, then slipped his into my shirt trying to grasp my chest and then slid into my pants. I got a sharp flash, a picture of my initial abuser. The scene, the flashback sent chills down my spine. I begged for it to be over, and it was. he stopped and asked if I wanted to stay or to go. saw the chance and took it. I left. I went straight to the restroom trying to wash the feeling of my body. I don't know how long I stayed in the restroom, but my life turned upside down. I'm still getting the flashes of memory from the previous assault and the recent one which sometimes leads to a panic attack. I guess I made a mistake by going that day.