The truth of my feelings.....
I’ve been struggling, and honestly, I’m not sure when or if I’ll feel okay again. I want to share what’s been happening in my life over the past three weeks. Before Valentine’s Day, I lost my best friend, and it’s been incredibly difficult for me to cope. The pain of that loss has left me questioning a lot about myself, and the more I think about it, the more it seems to deepen my feelings of self-doubt and sadness. I’m in a really tough spot right now, and it feels overwhelming to think about how drastically things have changed. I fully recognize that I played a significant role in losing her. It all started when she expressed that she didn’t want to end things, but my emotions got the better of me. I confided in my ex about my worries after someone informed me that my best friend was talking about leaving me. This led to my ex becoming defensive and reaching out to the girl who had spread the lies. Unfortunately, this escalated into a heated argument involving me, my ex, and the girl who had misled us.
During the conflict, that same girl dragged my best friend into the drama, exacerbating the situation. To make matters worse, she unjustly placed the blame on my ex and me for her own struggles and the hurt she claimed to be experiencing. I can't help but think that this is completely unfair—after all, I was only trying to make sense of a confusing situation and sought support when I needed it.
I found myself blocked because she felt overwhelmed and needed some distance from our relationship. This situation feels particularly unfair to me, especially considering that I made numerous sacrifices and crossed several boundaries in my efforts to support her. Just the other day, I reached out via email to express my regrets and sincerely apologize for any hurt I may have caused. However, her response was disheartening; it felt as though my feelings and our connection meant nothing to her. This has left me feeling lost and confused about where we stand and how we got to this point.
Throughout our time together, I provided her with support during some of her most challenging moments. It was a demanding period, and I often found myself suppressing my own emotions and needs, understanding that she was struggling deeply. I prioritized her well-being, listening to her fears and anxieties, and trying to be a source of comfort. It was difficult to set aside my own feelings, but I believed that being there for her was the right thing to do, even when it meant putting my own struggles on hold.
I remained by her side through thick and thin, even as she asked me to sever ties with numerous friendships that meant a lot to me. I believed it was a necessary sacrifice for our relationship, but now I find myself feeling invisible and unimportant, as if all those efforts have amounted to nothing.
~Lexi, Mae, Lex / wtv u call me
Tagging those who may care :
@KiminoSuizouwoTabetai @Maxisthebest @Sebastian1 @Orange64 @Comicisland @SLytherinqueeen321 @Midnightmystique
@Lexiii99 I am sorry you are going through this. It feels so hopeless when the person for whom we invested so much time , care and energy couldn't understand us . We may see only shortcomings in out expectations.
Seeing the situation, if you think it's okay , then reaching out to her and asking her opinions why she opted out and sharing your feelings can be an approach to lessen the burden ( ignore it if it's not okay to do so). If you think it's not a healthy thing than distances for a short period can be a good way to allow her to reconsider things. I hope and pray if she come backs. If not then we have to move on from this .
If she doesn't understand than you have to look after yourself like seeing what went wrong and improving yourself for the future. In the sorrow you cannot forget other relationships as well like other friends, family members , relatives , ppl on cups ,etc who care for you . Maybe get in touch again with the people you ignored while caring for her. Maybe work on yourself and for a good future . Tell yourself that you are going to get a better life for yourself and the for the people who care. Tell yourself that you are going to the top and if it's upto your friend if she doesn't want to accompany you.
And I honour you for how much you have supported your friend. Now it's time to take start caring for yourself too . It's good that you care for others but neglecting yourself for others well being isn't much correct . Imagine if you are physically, mentally and monetarily in a better position , you can care for people in a better way, so whynot start working for this goal ? You can work on your interests . Today when your interests are here , you can work on them but in future you will be there your interests won't be here , so why not work on them? Love cooking? Then go to kitchen. Want to do painting? Let's draw . Love poetries? Why not read them or create ur own ? There are many things you can search and try. This work relationship is far more better and satisfying than relationships with people ( but interpersonal relationships cant be neglected ). You have to force yourself initially for not getting into hopelessness , I doesn't happen automatically .
It may take time to move on but I believe in you and you can do that! I hope this phase ends quickly !
And if you can't find support , you can always come here. And as a last option , if you find no listener ( I hope it doesn't happen) , feel free to pm me with your L account.
I hope you get out of this quickly and advance further!
@Orange64 srry for long read
@Orange64
I really appreciate you taking the time to respond and sharing your suggestions; they mean a lot to me. I’ll definitely give them serious thought. It’s especially difficult to process everything right now, especially knowing that she seems to have replaced me with the girl who originally stirred up this situation. It adds a layer of hurt that I'm trying to navigate through.
@Lexiii99
More i wanted to add on to this :
TW/// suci dal thoughts.
Lately, my relationship with my stepdad has been quite rocky. Just the other day, he got frustrated with me for spending too much time on my laptop. He accused me of not having that much homework, which, to be honest, is true. While I don’t have a heavy workload, being online is my way of staying connected with friends, especially during these times when I feel so isolated at home. It’s tough because I really need that social interaction now more than ever, and I wish he could understand that my friends provide me with the support I need. Since I was 13, I’ve been grounded from social media due to my parents' concerns about my online activities. Now that I’m 15, I can’t help but feel frustrated about the situation, especially since I turned to social media during the COVID-19 pandemic when I felt isolated from my friends and peers. At that time, being connected online provided me with some much-needed social interaction and support.
However, my parents have now shifted their focus to my grades and attitude, using those as reasons to keep me grounded. It feels unfair because I’ve been cooperating with their rules for so long, yet I’m still facing restrictions. I think it’s important for them to recognize how challenging it can be to balance school, social life, and their expectations. Their rules seem to keep piling on, and I’m struggling to find a way to communicate my feelings without escalating the situation.
The other day my step dad screamed and told my mom he was tired of being the bad guy, When simple don't be a ***. He screams over little ***.
He kept talking *** about me using my laptop like I wasn't sitting right there and I screamed at him to treat me like his kid then and stormed off to the washroom
I broke down in the washroom and I was messaging one of my good friends and I started getting suic dal and he got scared and I told him I was blocking everyone and I did I blocked EVERYONE for at least 30 mins.
So yeah there's that.
@Lexiii99 hii...I have been through a similar situation recently. My relation with my parents has been Rocky too...especially my father for the exact same reason...I stay on my laptop too much mostly because it's my only way to talk to my friends...recently I had a fight with my bestie with whom i was pretty close...like we even considered that we were in a situationship. We spent our entire talking to each other through text but like whenever our friend grp met or something she sort of just ignored me...like she focused on her other bestie just too much...that other bestie used to be our bestie (we were a trio) but idk we drifted apart while they both were still pretty close. This happened like twice or thrice that in an offline environment I felt left out as my bestie spent all her time glued to my ex bestie...they don't even consider doing something like the three of us could enjoy together...just they both stuck together...so recently after this happened again me and my bestie had a pretty bad fight then we patched up...this went on for 2 days...then when things had finally patched up, I again brought up this topic that she always sides with my ex bestie and never with me and idk how exactly but *** I didn't know when to stop the fight and things ended with her crying for like 2 hours after that. So after that things were weird for a few days...as of now we are still besties but like that situationship thing is sort of on hold...at times I still doubt our bestie thing as sure in online environment she literally talks to me the most but in offline idk she just forgets about me or something. And like yesterday my ex bestie was rude to me so I told my bestie that why does she have to be so rude to me always and instead of saying anything consoling or anything she says "it's ok" and when I point out that it's not she says "fine throw a fit...what am i supposed to do"...idk this just puts me in doubt whether we are even besties if she can't take my side for once...I know I wasn't much help to you but *** I just wanted to let all this out
@adventurousLand4787 Also she gives me a lot of mixed signals...like after the fight she told me that "down the road she began to think of me as the one for her and expected a bit more from me"...that took me a bit by surprise because i also thought of her as the same but i doubted whether it was reciprocated so never told her
Don’t apologize for the long read we’re here we’re accepting and we’re listening ❤️