Posting once a week until I'm happy : #6
Hello,
It's been awhile, unfortunately I've been fairly unable to attend to this site regularly as much as I'd like. So far I've been going out a fair bit and sadly that leaves me less time to attend to the site.
I've been investing time into hobbies pretty recently, (Beyond art). And it has been a great help with distracting myself from my depressive thoughts. I've been slowly aiming to meet more people I haven't seen in a while and meeting some new folks. Life isn't great at the moment but I'm trying to at least squeeze some joy out of it.
I've decided to finally start attending some counselling, I've not been secretive about my disdain of the nature of therapy, but I do accept it's purpose. When I attended it was an interesting alternative perspective to have on the issues with life. But slowly I drew an odd conclusion. I should be making changes, does life not excite me anymore?
I realized that I'm too lazy and ambitious-less to want anything? Like my previous post which embarrassingly pointed out the issues I have with not knowing what I want, but I think that's something to dwell on more.
What do we want? it's a hard dilemma to settle down, so much do we wish for what others may want or what the world wants. But what's the point if we don't apply those same ideals towards ourselves. I've thought of why people feel impossible to be loved, and a core issue may be because the same metric they apply to loving someone else is something they may not apply to themselves.
If we wish for someone who is understanding, then are we understanding? There are people who overlook themselves to consider others and I genuinely feel sad for people who feel that way. I'm also guilty of overlooking myself for others purely since I feel that I'd rather not bother anyone else, but is this right? I don't mind people coming forward to me to pour their hearts on their sleeves but if it was myself I couldn't stomach the thought of letting others know. Then do I view the people who don't come forward with problems as awful people like I would consider myself? Well, no. It's thoughts like this that leads to people undervaluing themselves when they get blinded by how people view them vs the person they actually are.
People are complicated, that's unfortunately the only conclusion I can come to. And it's sad that there is no way to truly understand others. Life is awful because no life is the same and fixating on someone, something or anyone else compared to ourself is the only remedy we have at the end of the day because only you understand the life you lived, your trials and your pains. If you can point out your problems would you say they are challenges or would you see them as a sign to give up, if someone else was in your position would you say they aware of their problems or crushed by them? No perspective is the same because only yours is sharpened by your experiences.
There is no definitive perspective on life sadly and that usually means no one will truly understand each other, doesn't mean they can't try but they don't have the same knowledge about you as you do.
But if you ever feel awful, like no one will care for you or try to understand your thoughts, my piece of advice would be taking a step back and examining yourself from a point of view as an outsider compared to you yourself. It sounds paradoxical but it's the closes you can reflect on yourself without going mad, so much do we apply some higher standard to ourselves compared to others that we don't take a step back and wonder; instead of reaching some prodigy level we should just reach what we humans can achieve normally. Making mistakes is humanities greatest failure and greatest achievement, mistakes happen in biology many times, there is no flawless human or thing humanity has made and to believe you should be flawless is like going against nature itself.
I have nothing happy to say. I don't like me but I love others. But if I love others and I don't love myself then is it even love I feel for others? could I love myself if I view myself as another person. It's tiring to think about. Though I do know if I accept the mistakes of others, what makes me unable to accept my own mistakes, why am I excepted?
-SunnyLake
Hey there,
I can feel the weight of what you’re sharing, and I want to say right off the bat, I really appreciate you opening up about these thoughts. Life can feel like a tangled mess sometimes, and questioning everything, even things like self-worth and how we view others, is part of the journey. It’s not easy, and it can feel heavy, but you’re asking important questions, and that’s the first step.
It sounds like you’re going through a lot of self-reflection, and while it’s tough, there’s value in that. It’s good that you’re finding ways to distract yourself, like through hobbies and meeting people, even when life feels overwhelming. Sometimes, we need those distractions to take the edge off. But, there’s also something really powerful in recognizing that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and yet, you’re still seeking joy where you can.
As for therapy—yeah, it’s a hard one, right? Sometimes it feels like just talking about stuff doesn’t fix things, but it offers new perspectives. It’s like a puzzle: pieces don’t fit immediately, but after a while, they start to make sense. And I get the feeling of being stuck between wanting change but not feeling the motivation to take action. I think that’s where a lot of us find ourselves—knowing that change is needed, but not knowing how to spark it. It’s totally okay to feel stuck. But giving yourself permission to take small steps toward change can eventually help things shift, even if it’s only a little at a time.
You’re also hitting on something really big when you talk about self-acceptance. It’s so much easier to love others than ourselves sometimes, right? But if you love others, there’s already a part of you that’s capable of that love. Maybe the next step is directing a little of that love inward. And hey, if you struggle with it, you’re not alone. A lot of people find it hard to be kind to themselves. The difference is, you can learn to love yourself, just like you love others, and that starts with accepting your flaws. We all have them, and honestly, they’re what make us human.
And about mistakes—man, do we all have them. But they don’t define us. They teach us, they challenge us, and sometimes they even shape us into the people we need to be. Being human means making mistakes. It’s part of the deal. And honestly, it’s how you handle those mistakes that really counts.
So, when you ask if you can love yourself—yeah, you can. It doesn’t mean you won’t have moments of doubt, but just because you’re having a tough time now doesn’t mean it’ll always feel like this. Be gentle with yourself. You’re trying, and that matters.
If you ever feel like talking more or want someone to listen, I’m here. Keep reflecting, keep questioning, and don’t rush through it. There’s no need to be flawless, just be you. You’re doing better than you realize.❤️❤️❤️❤️