I wrote this today
Does my brother know I love him?
He doesn’t
But we both have trauma
He knows it as much as he can
Neither of us always know we are loved by people
Doing this to us was wrong
No one saved us
As stressed as it makes me to say it,
We had people who helped us
I get so stressed when I change my thinking, even to positive thinking
Autism
And no one understands the trauma
I love getting hugged by the guy I love. [[[[ just a little edit here for the reader: I am now talking about my ex-boyfriend/current best friend and we love each other quite a bit ]]]]
The hug feels like he understands something about the trauma
I feel he tries to understand the trauma
Maybe he researches those books a lot because he wants to understand me
My dog
He was lucky
I was lucky to have my dog he always understood
He didn’t always understand everything, but he always understood some
An autism dog
An autism service dog
An autism service dog without the training
Met me where I was
Oh God, where I’d be if he never taught me animal social interactions. He’d taught me camels and hamsters and horses and dogs and moose. He taught me what I needed to master interacting with rats and mice and maybe cattle and taught me quite well about parrots and worms and fish and insects. This year, a bee visited my birthday party and acted quite politely. I love that she visited. I’m thankful for that guest. I received a gift in which I get to track a sea turtle. Welcome addition to my life. And so many other welcome additions.
He had faith in me that I could learn. I was another species. People haven’t been so patient and meeting me where I am.
Faith.
Without him, I think I would’ve been far more traumatized by 13. He was the most levelheaded one in the house. He was sent by God.
The man I love was also sent by God.
I get scared he doesn’t know how much I appreciate him.
I trust his opinions so fast. It’s good for my mental health when he’s happy. He’s wiser than I am and he’s a year younger than I am
and I’m unbelievably wise. He’s wiser and I’m wider. Ha! He’s wise.
Calmer, just for a second
Mood instability. I have BPD
But he’s wise, though. And I appreciate him extremely much.