In my head or…
My wife and I have a family friend who has a younger son. He’s not a child but is several years younger than my wife and I. He left to pursue a goal that he was set on which is admirable. I should add that he’s single. There was a “go away” gathering that was held for him as a send off. My wife and two young daughters attended and over 100 people supported. There are both males and females, many of whom are all married and a lot older than us. We all worship at the same religious center, the same physical location and before he left I found out my wife and this younger man got close. So close that after a religious service(we call them meetings) the younger man and my wife along with a couple other people were chatting in our auditorium. I guess he made a joke of some type and my wife thought it was funny so she laughed but when she laughed she put her hand on his chest like most wives do with their husbands. In my opinion, no matter how funny the joke was, there’s no reason to physically touch another man in that manner. I questioned that gesture that same night in the car on the way home and she gave me the silent treatment. I waited a few days and raised the question again and my viewpoint and feelings were mocked and dismissed. I then made the point that I am not close with any other female in that level of closeness. All I got were a strong dismissal when I inquired about that touch as well as why she thought it was okay to keep that relationship a secret from me and again I got dismissed. I feel like a few more days passed to clear the air and she told me that the younger man and her connected during a meeting for pioneers(a term we use for someone who volunteers a certain amount of time in helping others for a month or so.) She told me I was bugged. I obviously took it a different way. My wife and I have been physically away from the meetings since February this year due to a medical procedure and recovery time and I had no reason to think about it since that time. Today was our first time back in person and who do I see? That young man must have come to visit his parents and others but it triggers a really bad memory for me. I’m not even sure if my wife and the young man will speak but it just feels like I’m going to have a bad night. Perhaps if my wife made more of an effort to talk with me and secure me and clear the air then I wouldn’t have this thought. I’ve tried to let it go and ignore it but I didn’t know he would be here tonight and I cannot shake this thought. I’m not sure what to do, just don’t want to have a bad night.
@TheSunParadox33 Hey there, I hope your doing well. This is very serious I hope that you can find a way to talk it out with her. Maybe you can consult with a close friend or family? Things like this are difficult to deal with since you don't know what the other person is thinking. I hope that you guys are able to talk it out some how and that everything will go good.
@TheSunParadox33 opening up conversation with a partner can be very touchy and having defensive reactions from a partner over a topic certainly do not cultivate discussion. Did you see these interaction's from your partner being outside their normal behavior? Are you using I statements and trying to avoid being accusatory? Keeping communication open in a relationship is so important, but often isn’t a skill that is demonstrated. So we are left feeling frustrated and insecure. Accepting the idea that we only have control over our own reactions, but not the reactions or choices of others could maybe help in keeping track of boundaries. Has your partner given you reason to not trust their intentions before?
@coolvibes True, your right, I just hope that you can somehow communicate with them so that this 'poison' though don't keep corroding your mental health. Or you could also ask a professional but I hope that everything will go well if somehow you guys can manage to communicate with each other (even though you can't know how someone is going to react) and that you don't have to suffer thinking about these thoughts. Please take care.
Thank you for this. We’ve been married 13 years and she’s the only woman I’ve ever and will ever be with. We’re middle school sweethearts. I have very strong beliefs on the behavior between a husband a wife that I know she doesn’t share but I’m not sure if she’s choosing to see it like that or it could be a combination of reasons/circumstances that she hasn’t told me about yet. I find it hard to get info out of her given her reactions to me trying to get close but I’m patient, I try to be. I love her dearly and I just want us to watch each sunset together for the rest of our days so I’m hoping this situation smooths over soon.
@TheSunParadox33 Have you tried giving her gentle reminders that you’re not a mind reader and sometimes need to have things explained clearly and precisely? Loveling someone as endearingly as you have expressed it such a gift, things can surely become challenging if because of so many years gone by, that love is taken for granted a little. Keeping that door to communication open keeps things healthy and can rebuild understanding. There are so many ways to explore that help open up opportunities for communication, that can be done on affectionate terms. Have you considered any other ways to reach her?
Maybe it was just a fleeting or momentary connection and nothing more. This happens with most humans, I think, at some point in our married or single lives. We are human after all.
Also, it’s very possible there was nothing “romantic” about the connection. It did happen at church after all—surrounded by other people.
So unless there’s evidence of misbehavior I’d let it go…for your own peace of mind. 🕊️
@TheSunParadox33
it seems u are already having a bad night.
She's playing u, She is guiltier than u think.
she knows she did bad, but will not give in.
not the ideal relation or reaction from a spouse
try again, put the rules on the table, set ur boundaries and keep to them
but u don't seem like getting to end it
trauma betrayal from the past? check urself first, she got u triggered
@TheSunParadox33
I understand you being genuinely concerned, most people would be. I would like to point out that usually if you bring something like that up, it causes the other person to get instantly defensive no matter what the case is. This is the kind of thing in which you have to be loving and be able to control your emotions (I know it's hard especially in this kind of situation). That way you can effectively communicate with someone who is most likely going to fight with you the moment you bring it up. They need to feel like you aren't attacking them and then you can try to get your point across and let go of that weight.
I may be wrong but because of the words meeting and pioneer meeting I am thinking that you are a Jehovah's Witness, that means having a biblical viewpoint on how to deal with these situations. What I said can be applied with them in mind.