I'm struggling with hair pulling
hi, i've been struggling with pulling my hair for a while, over a year now, but i've never talked about it much because it makes me feel embarrassed. but i guess it's becoming a bit of a big problem right now and i thought talking might help, so here i am.
i pull from my eyebrows, eyelashes, arms, and legs. i first started with my eyebrows, then started with my eyelashes pretty soon after. but i didnt start with my legs until a few months ago, and started with my arms some months after that.
i really dont know why i do it. it just feels like a fun thing to do somehow. like if i'm tired and maybe have a headache, pulling, especially from my eyebrows and eyelashes feels relaxing. pulling from my arms and legs isnt that fun to be honest, but i still do it and i dunno why. it also feels good to look at the hair after pulling it. sometimes i roll it between my fingers. and by the way, its not something i just do if i'm worried or anxious or something. i could do it absolutely anytime.
i look pretty weird because of this. my eyebrows are particularly noticeable. my mother comments on my eyebrows a lot, and when i tell her that i pull from it, she just tells me that i have to stop. but that's hard, so i just always use makeup to give the appearance of normal eyebrows. and i dont have an eyebrow pencil or something so i just have to use kajal to do it and a lot of times it doesnt work well but i try to make it work.
my arms are pretty noticeable too. i mostly pull from my forearm and not my upper arm. i know most people dont have much hair on their upper arm, but i'm a really hairy person so i have hair on my upper arm too. but since i dont pull from my upper arm and pull from my forearm, its like there is more hair on my upper arm than my forearm, and it feels really very wierd and uncomfortable. most of my clothes sadly dont have sleeves that come up to my elbow. i tried to cover my arms by wearing a sweater for a long time but now it's getting too hot to wear a sweater. i still try to wear one sometimes, but 36°C is too hot for that.
my eyelashes are luckily not very noticeable. like they dont look super good but they dont look visibly bad. and my legs are luckily not visible because i wear pants and even if i wear a frock i still wear leggings. but my eyebrows and arms are a big big problem.
also, pulling is painful for my fingers. i usually use my thumb and index finger to pull, and on days when i pull a lot, my fingertips start hurting and become kinda red.
i try to stop myself sometimes. and if there's someone around i actually can because i dont like pulling in front of others. even when nobody's around, sometimes i actually can stop myself. but usually not for long. sometimes i feel like i should really stop pulling. part of me wants to stop because it makes me look weird, but part of me wants to keep doing this because it feels good while i'm doing it. i dont understand why i feel this way and i dunno what to do about this.
i need some help sorting this out. is anyone else in a similar situation? i'm open to any suggestions to figure this out. thanks for reading this post, i appreciate it. 🤍
@exuberantBlackberry9105
do you remember how it all started ? when did you start pulling your hair ? what kind of feelings does it help get rid of ( maybe its a habit now but it might have started off something else). well for starters it does take some courage to express something unusual but have you tried pulling something else out of something too that helps you relax maybe like pulling a piece of grass/ putting out a grain of wheat from a pouch that attracts a squirrel in your room.
@Skansly hey there! thank you so much for your response, i really appreciate it.
i don't really remember how it all started, but i do know it started sometime in 2022. maybe in august or september or something, but i don't really remember. i don't recall it ever helping me get rid of any feelings. as far as i know, i do it because it just kinda feels good.
i'm going to have to consider that, maybe pulling something else instead. but i'm not sure about what i could pull, because we don't have any grass at home you know. also we buy wheat flour, we don't have wheat grains at home either. is there something else i could pull maybe? do you have any idea?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 something along lines of seprating two pulse from a box that got mixed.
@Skansly mmm okay, but that wouldn't really be 'pulling' i think. may i ask how it's supposed to help?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 sending you love
@Countrygirl095 💙
I am not sure but i read about this condition called tichotillomania. You can look it up. Hope it helps
It's spelled "trichotillomania". You might want to talk to a professional about it.
@slowdecline48 hi. oh, dont bother about spelling, typos happen! but we can still figure out what they mean, right?
unfortunately, i can't talk to a professional about it as of now. my parents do know that i'm pulling out my eyebrows (they don't know about the other stuff like eyelashes etc because they're not very noticeable, and i also don't think they're aware of something called trichotillomania). and my parents just tell me to "stop doing it" and they scold me about this. they're not taking it seriously. and i'm too ashamed to go and try to talk to them about this because they are in general, anything but supportive. so i just try to cover it up as best as i can, so that i don't get scolded or something. and i've gotten quite good at covering it up, so that avoids scolding and conversation about what i'm dealing with. also i'm 14, so there's nothing i can do if they don't seem to understand.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 I think I understand. You are 14 years old, & while text style doesn't necessarily say much, it sounds as if you're a girl. So your folks don't listen to what you have to say. 😒 S***...you're in a bit of a pickle, there. Parents who never take their kids' complaints seriously just suck.
(Have boys ever had trichotillomania? I met one teenage girl in RL who had it, heard of other girls who have it. No boys so far)
All you have left is the Internet. Be careful with that...remember that any mook can set up a website & sound convincing if (s)he tosses a few medical or technical terms around. That does not mean (s)he knows what (s)he's talking about or has any idea how to fix your problem. Maybe stop by WebMD first? The Mayo Clinic's site should have good info. After that, well...
I don't have much advice for you. I wish I did. Maybe try to find a distraction from the hair-pulling urges, perhaps... 🤔 Look for something that does not involve drugs (becoming an addict is a terrible decision & would completely screw up your life), & is not self-destructive or destructive generally. Something to take your mind off it & that keeps your hands busy. Crocheting, maybe? How about braiding & knotting? Almost any kind of string or twine would work for that.
You could try one of the Listeners here. If you do, be aware that it's a bit of a crapshoot. The trick is to get the right one, one that will actually listen to you & treat you like a human being instead of a number. Don't hesitate to cut him/her off & pick a different one if his/her vibe isn't right. Speaking of that, you'd probably be better off with a female Listener; not every man can relate to trichotillomania or even knows what it is.
That's all I have...I'm sorry, little one.
@slowdecline48 thanks for understanding. yeah, right, i'm a girl, kinda. i'm curious though, how'd you guess? is it because trichotillomania is uncommon in boys or something like that?
haha, yes, i totally agree about parents. but to be honest, with all the things my parents do, them not taking my problems or complaints seriously is quite a small problem.
i guess yeah, but I've read that trichotillomania is rarer in boys. i dunno how or why.
yes, we have to be careful with the internet, lol. but i think i mostly am. i usually stick to websites i trust. hmm yeah, web md has a really long article on trichotillomania. i haven't read it yet but i think i will tomorrow (i need to go to bed soon and I've some other things to do). but yeah, I've read some other articles before, including the one on mayo clinic's website.
hey! it's okay to not have much advice! i really appreciate you trying to help me out. hmm i dunno what i could use as a distraction. don't worry, i don't think i'd do anything destructive. i cant crochet though. yeah, my mother tried teaching me (or rather i told her to teach me) but i found it very boring because i cant do it right. maybe that was because i was in 6th grade back then, but i'm not really interested in it now. i dunno about braiding or knotting. i kinda feel like i don't have much time...
well, lately I've noticed that something that kinda helps is having my nails a little long. that means it hurts my fingers if i try to pull too hard. and also, i'm more careful around my eyes if i have some nails. but my nails are only a bit long because i have holidays now. and we can do let them grow during holidays and paint them if we want during school holidays. I'll be back in school on 1st april so i have to cut my nails before that, or else they might scold us because according to our school rules, our nails must be as short as possible. i hate this rule. i wonder why they even need it. long nails are actually helping my hair pulling. another thing that helping with pulling hair on my arms is wearing full sleeves because that makes it more difficult to pull. but i cant wear long sleeves in this weather. 38°C is too hot for that. anyway, so if i have to cut my nails, i dunno what I'll do.
i do have a few listeners on here. people who actually listen. and i'm glad i have them. lol, i agree that finding the right listener isn't is quite a bit of trial and error. some are really friendly and understanding, and some aren't. also many of them don't take long term members and so on. but when you find a good listener, you feel so good but then sometimes things happen and then it goes kinda rough...
but i digress. so yeah, while i do have some really nice listeners, I've never really talked to anyone about it much. it feels like a really embarrassing issue to talk about. it's easier to just post on the forums so anyone who feels like reading can read and respond if they wish. and also, with my listeners, i'm usually just busy talking about the bigger issues that affect me more, so this issue is kinda never discussed much. because it's not that big a problem compared to other stuff. and also, it's kinda weird to bring it up. not because it's an embarrassing issue, but because it's not that directly linked to my other struggles. like it's easy to be talking about struggling to deal with my parents then move on to depression and school struggles. but hair pulling feels odd to bring up because it's not really related.
oh, don't be sorry. it's not something to be sorry about. like i said before, i appreciate your help. thank you so much. 💙
Embarrassing, eh?...I hear that.
If you want, you can talk to me about your hair-pulling compulsion anytime...as long as you don't mind discussing my IBS later. 🤢 😆
@slowdecline48 yeah, i do find it embarrassing because even i don't know why i do it and i guess most people would probably think "why are you doing something that you know makes you look bad? just stop!" and my parents comments just make me so ashamed of what i do.
hmm i guess i can talk to you about my hair pulling hehe. today i pulled out a lot of my eyebrow, lol, mostly from the tail of the eyebrow. covered it up well, but yeah, it looks awful without the makeup. apparently my nails didn't stop me from pulling so hard today.
well, i don't mind discussing your ibs, as long as you feel comfortable talking about it. i'm not very educated about it to be honest, but yeah, i can learn about it a bit.
The last part was a joke. You don't want to hear about my IBS...take my word for it. It's not a life-threatening condition, but it's also one you really don't want to deal with in public.
Try to let your eyebrows grow back, dear.
@slowdecline48 i dont usually recognise jokes easily, sorry about that.
hmm yes, trying to let my eyebrows grow back. but then when they've grown back a bit, i tend to pull them again and the cycle continues. will try not to do it hehe.
Have you a deep rooted, problem with self esteem. Were you bullied at anytime, I can understand, the effect that it gives you . A bit like self harm, to give you areaction. You may have build up tension, and that is your way to release. What to talk further, drop me a request
StarryCandy6123, good luck
@starryCandy6123 yeah, i do struggle with self esteem. umm yeah, i've been bullied in school before, but that was long ago and i don't think it affects me much. but i do have to deal with my parent's verbal abuse, and that has a huge effect on me.
hmm i don't intend to harm myself by pulling my hair. i just do it somehow and it usually feels good. but yes, it does kinda help me relax and deal with built up tension.
i'd love to talk, but unfortunately i cannot drop you a request because you're an adult listener and i'm a teen (7cups doesn't allow teens to interact with adults via 1-1 chats). but we can talk of the forums if you'd like.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 hey, I am sorry to hear this, are you having anxiety within your life ..My son used to have this situation and the childrens doctor said he was suffering with high levels of stress,
@PugNinja yes, i do struggle with anxiety. not diagnosed or anything, but i worry almost all the time. i'm honestly pretty stressed out with a lot of stuff going on in my life.
i'm sorry to hear about your son. i hope he's doing a bit better now in terms of stress and hair pulling, and that he's able to get help from his doctors.